NO-DAK!!!

In North Dakota it is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on...

Idk if any of you have ever been to North Dakota...I was unfortunate enough to spend 4 years of my life in that flat frozen tundra...and I can assure you...NOBODY in North Dakota has EVER had the idea of laying down...shoes on or off...to take a little afternoon nap...winter there lasts FOREVER... and summer months last about an hour and a half towards the end of July and the beginning of August...then it gets cold again...I wouldn't even recommend traveling through that state...avoid it at all costs...if you find yourself in North Dakota...you are LOST...your ONLY hope is that you have enough gas to make it to Montana or Minnesota...depending on your current route of travel...do yourself a favor...DON'T STOP...if you are traveling west to east you have the benefit of a tail wind to help you make your escape...if you are goin' east to west...the head winds will deplete your current gas supply significantly quicker...in other words...you be f**ked...I'll tell ya...I've been through all 50 states...may not have actually taken up roots in them but I've at least driven through them on the way to the next stop...and as much as my taste for Northern Michigan has soured...I wouldn't trade this little spot on the map for the whole state of North Dakota...you know what they have in North Dakota..SAND...and...SNOW...and plenty of wind to push it around...ya know what they don't have...EVERYTHING ELSE...maybe a few fields of winter wheat...ass load of good that'll do ya... hell they're probably still importing Christmas trees from other states during Christmas...I know you think I'm jokin...but I'm NOT...the ONLY trees growing in this frozen region of the planet are planted by home owners...they align the west and north side of the residence to serve as a wind block...you don't see them growing out in the wild like ya do in other places...I'm surprised anyone in North Dakota even has shoes...musta stole them from somebody that ran out of gas...ya know what they manufacture out there in North Dakota...DIRT...by the bucket loads...I don't wanna say the place is flat...but the ONLY place they have hills left is in areas where they have done excavation...the hills are leftover dirt from the new HOLE in the ground...ya know what my favorite thing to do was while I was stationed there during Desert Storm...go on VACATION...to other states...where there were people...hills...and trees...ruined my taste for the USAF I can tell ya that much...because any Dept. of Defense related entity that thinks burying big ass bombs in the frozen underground chambers...commonly called missile silos...of a forgotten patch of land...hasn't much use for a logical thinker like me...our ideas of fun didn't quite jibe with one another...they found it funny to launch war games in the middle of winter...when it was -100 below with the windchill...the only problem with that was the fact that they wanted to stick Airmen Wixson on the watch with an M-16...in bunny pants...a parka...mukluks...and mittens so ignorantly enormous you hadda better shot at beating somebody to death than ya did of ever getting off a shot...and that in itself posed a very serious issue...at least for me...because LOGICAL people...FRIEND OR FOE...have NO desire to attempt to steal bombs during a f**kin' blizzard...it causes too many logistical complications...such as...it's a f**kin' BLIZZARD...(I know what you're thinkin'...well Kevin...they didn't put you out there to STOP logical thinking people...it's the illogical idiots they were trying to prevent from procuring primary Weapon's of Mass Destruction)...RIGHT...listen...ass slappin' silly sons-a-bitches from Siberia wouldn't walk the winter wonderlands of North Dakota lookin' for a nuke...especially when they can get them from third world countries...where it is significantly WARMER...and closer to home...it's so cold up in those parts...people that don't fall asleep with their shoes on...run the risk of waking up with frozen feet...I know several of you are laughin' your asses off thinkin'...Kevin must be crazy...far from it...I've actually seen guys walk around outside in the winter for 10-15 minutes...hop back inside a warm building and WIPE their moustache right off their lip...I've personally taken part in frozen pissin' contests...if you're brave enough to let little willie out of the cage long enough to piss outside...on the side of a brick or metal building...it will freeze upon contact and sometimes it doesn't reach the ground until the Spring thaw...which occurs the third week of June...I've been to some of the most amazing places this country has to offer...and NONE of them were located in North Dakota...hell up until I joined the service it was probably the only state I had NOT been in...since I became honorably discharged I have NEVER been back NOR had the desire...the whole rest of the country could be overrun by little Mandarin speakin'...close-eyed munchkins...leaving ND all alone for the rest of us...and ya know what...I would learn to like Szechuan...now I'm NOT sure about the shoe sleeping policy of the people in North Dakota...what I can tell you is that during the winter months it is illegal to pass a stranded motorist...or at least it was...and why on Earth would you do that...because it is TOO F**KIN' COLD to leave people in a vehicle that doesn't work...but it was OKAY to leave them walkin' around aircraft that were undergoing SIMULATED uploading of nuclear weapons...I know...NEVER made sense to me either...that's why I got the hell outta there while I could...seems reasonable and logical to me...that if you are going to SIMULATE the nuclear weapons being present...you can SIMULATE my ass walking around the aircraft...leave me in bed with my boots on in case the SIMULATED bad guys come...I'll be the first one to pop a cap in someone's ass with a thumb and forefinger gun!!!

BRITISH POUNDS A PLENTY!!!

In Britain, banks are required to accept any check that's correctly made out, no matter what it is written on -- even the side of a cow...

...and they wonder why Scotland Yard has such difficulty detecting forgeries...must be a bitch when anyone with a branding iron and a bank account can pay a bill...I do have one question though...what happens to the written article...is there a special cancelling process for accepting payment...that say comes on a side of pork...does the bank have a special slot in their check cancelling machine that they can slip a few cattle through...highly doubtful...who dreams up this dumb shit...do you have any idea how hard it would be to verify the authenticity of a signature slapped on the side of a cow...you can't correctly make out a check on a side of beef with your garden variety ball point pen now can ya???  No...it takes special equipment like branding irons and hot coals...and how much more expensive is that shit than the check that's being written...a pretty pound or two I'd warrant...this DUMBASS actually had it goin' on there for a moment...then he had to go and add the final six words to the tidbit and destroy any possibility of saving face...one glaring fact in modern society causes me to have doubts about the veracity of this author's content...BRITAIN is still a country...if this little tidbit were true...at any point in the history of mankind...either everybody before me was a complete idiot ...or BRITAIN would be somebody's BITCH...because you don't write checks...on the sides of cows or otherwise...that your ass can't cash...had this been even remotely true for a day...BRITISH people wouldn't have a schilling in their socks...let alone a pound in their pocket...they'd be a buncha farthing-less freeloaders lookin for more handouts...and where do ya think they would turn...that's right...to the people that fled that little rock...oh so long ago...in search of anything that wasn't BRITAIN...US...in the U.S....that's where they would turn...to the rabble that has kicked their ass and kept them company since the good old glory days of RWI...(that's Revolutionary War I)...for all you confused offspring from the pebble in the pond just off the coast of Europe...kinda sucks that we hafta babysit these little BRITISH bastards for all of eternity...talk about Empirical mismanagement techniques...holy crap in a kraut helmet BATMAN...ya know whatcha get if you combine U.K. Armed Forces and the French Foreign Legion don'tcha???  Rear echelon baggage handlers for the greatest fighting force on the planet...hey...we saved them...we gotta make use of them somehow...because if we allow them to go it alone...they're as dead as a slow movin' squirrel across 8 lanes of traffic at rush hour...I mean...IDK mean to point fingers and call QUITTERS...QUITTERS... but sometimes when the shoe fits...ya shove it up somebody else's ASS...don't get me wrong...I don't have anything against BRITISH or FRENCH people...they make great cannon fodder...the ONLY reason they occupy so much of the ancient history books is because we weren't around back then...I mean seriously...what chance do they have when the FINAL WORLD WAR breaks out between US & CHINA...I gotta feelin' when the dust settles...we're gonna let those little countries learn Mandarin...long before we jump on the Rosetta Stone bandwagon...I'm just sayin'...these people couldn't fight back a wet fart with a properly inserted butt plug...to say their banking techniques are a little outta whack...focuses attention to the lesser problematic areas of a crumbling Atlantic Kingdom...Monarchy...Malarkey...call it whatcha want...I'm always surprised when the BRITISH are given credit for anything other than TEA...or the FRENCH for anything other than CREPES...the two major contributions they've given to humankind...DRY HUMOR...and ATTITUDE...respectively... being the only other things they excel at...I wish it were true about their little banking fiasco...I'd forge checks so fast...Usain Bolt would hand me his Gold!!!  On a side note...Lemme be the first to say CONGRATULATIONS TO SMOKES & THE TIGERS for winning the first back to back DIVISION TITLES since BEFORE WWII...GOOD LUCK IN THE GAMES THAT WILL MATTER MOST!!!  For those that went to bed late...the YANKEES pulled it out in the bottom of the 12th last night to remain 1 game ahead of the ORIOLES...I didn't even know they still had a team...I thought they quit when Cal Ripken hung up the cleats...but with one game left in the season...and the PLAYOFF PICTURE not yet set...I for one am hoping the ORIOLES get a mysterious case of BALTIMORE BIRD FLU and fall off the block tonight!!!

NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!

Forest fires move faster uphill than they do downhill...

WOW...that's truly amazing...that musta taken like 12 years of after high school education to formulate a theory involving fire and it's ever present possibility to travel faster in an upward direction...lemme see...if memory serves correctly...since about the time the time I entered KINDERGARTEN...it has been a WELL known FACT...that if a FIRE broke out...the first thing you do is what???  It sure the hell isn't STAND-UP..for a very simple reason...HEAT & SMOKE...which are caused by FIRE...RISE...as does FIRE...it doesn't burn in a DOWNWARD DIRECTION...NEVER has and NEVER will...at least NOT without the aid of a science project...making a statement about fire moving faster up hill than downhill is about as useless as saying WATER travels downhill faster than it does uphill...at least in it's natural element...and this is all due to that little thing called GRAVITY...FIRE...which is an element...is obviously lighter than air which allows it to climb...when a fuel source is available above the fire line...it will burn that fuel faster...WATER on the other hand...which is also an element...is heavier than water...which makes it move downhill very rapidly in nature...unless of course I'm missin' somethin'...I for one have NEVER seen water move in an UPWARD direction without the aid of wind...or an outside propulsion system...NOBODY sets their sprinkler on the front lawn to water the clouds...just like NOBODY sets fire to the top of a tree in the hopes of burning it DOWN...we need more OBSERVERS OF OBVIOUSITY like this mental midget moron...with their crippling cranium of chemistry...seems some of us wouldn't be able to survive without them...UNBELIEVABLE the idiocy we have to indoctrinate ourselves with on a daily basis...I gave up weeping for the future along time ago...NOW...I just hang my head in disbelief and beg for mercy...although I suppose I shouldn't ridicule this individual for their inbred ignorance...maybe this was their greatest contribution to the human race...that is after all why most people propagate their parents pennies for an education they received off of a Bazooka Joe wrapper...damn Cracker Jack Chemists...some times it amazes me how absolutely retarded some of these idiots are...I often envision their idiotic grinning gullets as they announce to the world the FACTS they FOUND while fishing around for something useful...these are the people that the Annunaki will leave behind in December...when they swing through and whisk the rest of us off this god-forsaken...feeble minded infestation of a celestial cesspool...at least that's what I'm prayin' for...(and just in case they are monitoring our every word...I have but one ULTIMATUM...leave TONY ROMO here TOO...the only people that like that f**ktard are the overpaid pariahs of professional football on ESPN...you can keep them too...let them all praise each others penchant for mediocrity)...if fire moves faster uphill...somebody needs to put Tony's ass on the highest hill...that guy is the Cowboy's abominal equivalent of DUBYA...an unneeded DUMBASS occupying valuable time in a critical position...I apologize for getting off topic...as you can probably tell I'm watchin' MNF Cowboys/Bears...and if he didn't have PHENOMENAL receivers...he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a damn boat...now some people might say...but Kevin...how can you be so brutal in your judgment of the QB for your favorite team...and to that I say...BECAUSE...when you're the DUMBASS leading my team into the mellow grounds of mediocrity...I've NO use for you...it is your responsibility to carry the mantle...this guy smiles everytime he F**KS somethin' up...like an easy TD pass...if he doesn't need a fire lit under his ass...he damn sure deserves a drowning at the bottom of a water filled pool...by the looks of it Imma need a boatload of medical marijuana just to stomach the rest of this game...but I must say...in all HONESTY...(and yes...I posted this on facebook as well)...if ROMO blew any harder...they would have a new category of HURRICANE...quite capable of extinguishing a forest fire...uphill...downhill...without a hill...ANYWHERE on the PLANET!!!

MERRY GO ROUND!!!

In the 19th Century, physicians highly recommended riding carousels to aid in circulating blood...

...and this my friends and faithful readers...is the #1 reason my ass stays as far away from hospitals as I possibly can...anybody ever been on a carousel???  Well even if ya haven't you've probably heard of 'G' force...that odd little theory that explains why people PASS out when they are flung around at extreme angles or circular motions...under 'G' force conditions...like those present on a CAROUSEL...blood circulation slows down...quite the OPPOSITE of the intended purpose...which is just about routine for these white cloaked clowns...ya wanna know how to stay healthy...stay the hell outta HOSPITALS...that's your best bet...the other problem with this is that you ride CAROUSELS for ENTERTAINMENT...if they had any medicinal value they would be MANDATORY in all hospitals and health centers...but they're NOT...I mean hell...you prescribe some alcohol...and you have a party...might need a couple of barf bags for the medically maligned...other than that though ya should be fine...I tell ya...the same problems exist within the medical field to this very day...take a look at the prescriptions they have hand out...or better yet...the OTC medicines they allow to fill the shelves of the local pharmacy...these drugs PROMOTE future HEALTH problems...even if they CURE a current malady...fella's...if ya can't get it up...there's VIAGRA...CIALIS...and a handful of others...they'll give ya that little extra penis power...but the laundry list of side effects include...dizziness...rapid heart rate...temporary blindness...upper respiratory complications...and extended periods of penis plumpness...the advertisement actually says...if you experience an erection for more than four hours...seek a physician...yeah...NOT gonna happen...if I have a four hour hard-on...Imma contact a Hollywood 'B' movie manager and make some damn MONEY...I swear...when ya hear the list of possible side effects that can accompany a probable cure...such as described above...kinda makes ya wanna come up with your own game plan...maybe a couple popsicle sticks and duct tape would be a better choice...splint that little semen spitter into position and have a party...might be a few side effects when ya remove the splint...depending on how tight ya wrap the tape...but NOTHIN' that might kill ya...and it's the same for every one of these medical wonder cures...got acid reflux disease... (heartburn in other words)...we can cure that...take this little pill...NO more heartburn...however...kidney failure...liver disease...strokes...temporary blindness...and other stomach complications are a few of the things we have to offer in exchange...here's a novel little idea...how about you change your DAMN diet...apparently the shit you're shovin' down your gullet doesn't agree with you...good lord...I'm just wonderin' how long it's gonna be before the end all be all miracle drug is gonna come out...the one that cures all of your ills by makin' ya lose your innards through your asshole...a complete colostomy flush of the complicating features in the human body...I swear the only time I go to a hospital is when I'm pretty sure I'm already on the verge of death...because by that time it really doesn't matter...they are either gonna operate and remove the shit that doesn't work anymore...or Imma kick the bucket anyway...maybe the mutton heads in the medical field should take NOTE from their past colleagues and STOP prescribin sh*t that doesn't work...I mean DAMN...there are common cures for half these diseases...for instance...if you can't sport a woody because of erectile dysfunction...pick a DIFFERENT partner...apparently the smarter half of you doesn't want to go spelunking in the space you have targeted for cave exploration...ya don't need pills for the penis...ya need somethin' PRETTIER...same goes for women...if you're suffering from dry dock down below...perhaps you need to find a new PILOT for penetration procedures...somethin' that makes ya slippery when wet...maybe it isn't the size of the boat that matters...but if ya don't berth it in water it isn't EVER gonna float...have a fabulous work week!!!

HEY DUMBASS...YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG!!!

The Buddhist priest and mystic, Kukai, is believed by his followers to have become a 'Buddha in his own body' by mummifying himself while still alive...

Oh those wacky Buddhist bobbleheads...what with their mysticism...and supposed worldly knowledge...apparently NEVER heard of the Egyptian race...remember those guys...pyramid perfecting mummy masters from the land by the Nile...funny thing...those little desert dwellin' sun worshipping whipper snappers embalmed bodies when they were DEAD...because here's the thing...mummifying a body consists of several different steps...all performed to prepare the DECEASED for entrance into the AFTERlife...NOT one single mummification procedure can be ACCOMPLISHED while you are alive...unless of course you consider wrappin' yourself in strips of towel a step of mummification...in which case...wouldn't all Buddhist priests be 'Buddha's in their own bodies'...talk about kickin' their ass with their own philosophy...think I just summed that all up rather quickly...sometimes I amaze myself in how easy things are to perceive from a different perspective...what kinda retarded...bald...preacher of the fat bastard...hasn't taken the time to educate themselves about the proper steps of preparing to walk with Buddha in the Great Beyond...or whatever their name is for it...I mean seriously...was he fat and stiff when he got done...unable to breathe and plated in bronze...droopy ass earlobes and bitch tits...cause otherwise he failed...apparently Buddhist monks should stick to what they know...MEDITATION...which is kinda like MEDICATION...without the side effects...sure it makes ya worship fat guys that shaved their heads bald...while wandering aimlessly around the world wondering what the hell just happened...small price to pay for peace of mind...must be really difficult to meditate all those worries away when you won't even step on a grasshopper...what I wanna know is who actually saw this Kukai...Fran...and Ollie character get mummified...these guys are supposed to be sittin around Indian style with their eyes closed...it would appear as those we are in need of a Siddartha Stalker if we are to believe the great Kukai Guy created a Buddha in his own body...if NOBODY saw it...I think Imma hafta call Buddha shit on that one...there are things that are possible through Meditation...I have NO doubt...seent it on the TV box...I seent it...but self mummification is NOT one of them...self mutilation YES...self mummification...NOT so much...it involves opening the body cavity and removing certain organs...sewing up the body cavity...he placement of the heart scabbard and the wrappin of the body in parchment and paste...if the first two things...openin' and closin' the body cavity...don't kill ya...the parchment and paste cloggin your nostrils and mouth should do the trick... a Buddha in his own body...right...and I'm skinny ELVIS...got this way by limiting my drug intake to marijuana and munchies...didn't hafta wrap my ass in mummy material either...course at my age it doesn't matter...missed out on all the hot chicks and hip shakes...I'll tell ya what...Idk about you folks...but I for one am damn glad it's the weekend...Buddhist priests and mummified mystics...can't wait to see what we have in store for Monday!!!  Have a great weekend!!!

A CHRISTMAS CAROL IN SEPTEMBER!!!

The name "Tiny Tim" was chosen only after 'Little Larry,' 'Puny Pete,' & 'Small Sam,' were discarded...

...and there ya have it folks...the politically correct term for merry little knee cappin' midgets is 'TINY'...no 'Mini Mikey's' in this bunch...like any word used to describe dwarfism isn't going to be politically incorrect...including 'Tiny'...you can call them whatever you want tho really...and remain fairly confident of 'little' retribution...unless of course our name is Gulliver...in which case...as they say in Liliputia...you be f**ked...and here's why you shouldn't word about which word you call them by...they can't run...well not that fast anyway...obviously...if you're poking fun at their potential for achieving a similar altitude...chances are you can run faster...otherwise you wouldn't be enjoying the moment...I feel bad for short people...I really do...they go through a lot...they are seldom taken seriously and have to constantly battle for acceptance among the general population...but hey...who doesn't like to take in a nice midget mud-rasslin' match on a mundane Monday night from time to time...I know I sure would if it was available...hey what better way to show your support for the short...than by spendin' a 'little' money on a pittance of a past time..I'm actually thankful for the little bastards...if ti wasn't for them we probably wouldn't have shot glasses...which were actually invented to serve as a suitable substitute for a regular tumbler...and then where would we be...left at the mercy of the bartender...and as some in my family are all too aware of...that is a bad place to be...depending on said bartender's potential for mixing potent potions...I mean if we didn't have shot glasses we'd have a higher rate of alcoholism because people wouldn't be regulated in how much liquor was use in the recipe for the drink being ordered...so there are many of you who should thank your lucky stars these pigmies even exist...these little people are a blast to pal around with too...not that I know first hand...but I would hafta think that anyone with a penchant for dating dwarfs would find them very cheap dates...one stiff drink and you might find yourself getting a numby from something no taller than a night stand...Little Lolita might turn out to be the best thing at the bar come 2:00am...there's no tellin what kinda kinky shit these short bred bed bugs are into...you might find yourself in the middle of some mind blowin' midget rodeo sexcapade...ya really never know what you're in for when ya go out partyin' with the puddle swimmin' pedestrians...cute compact curbhoppers that they are...they have some of the loftiest attitudes and egos...short little Shetland pony samurais...you really shouldn't poke fun at the pygmy peoples of the planet...if you are incapacitate and cannot easily run circles around them while placing a hand on their forehead...otherwise the enjoyment factor will be drastically reduced...I love these little guys...I know it's hard to tell by the tiny terminology I have used to depict these tempest like tantrum throwing trolls...but I really do...they remind me of what each of us wishes we could do with large land mammals we would like to keep as pets...it's nature's way of telling us it is possible to shrink other animal life for our pleasure and entertainment...we just hafta figure out which genes to modify...stem cell research anyone...it's not like we haven't done it already...there are several versions of miniature domestic pet species...modified in a mammal mutating manufacturing farm somewhere...but seriously...do you have any idea how fun it is having half pints for party pals...they are extremely cost effective to buy for...Toy's 'R Us has some great ideas for new houses and vehicles...and Toddler clothing isn't that expensive either...so before you go talkin' bad about Thumbelina...ya might wanna tip your tumbler in a toast to "TINY TIM'!!!

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!!

20252 is Smokey the Bear's own zipcode...

You're jokin' right...I mean it's bad enough the fat man has his own postal address for kids who are lied to about Christmas...now we gotta have a zip code for a fake fire preventing bear...seriously...I think somebody blew it on that one...isn't the normal protocol for fire prevention to CALL the fire department by punchin' 911 on the phone pad...I could be wrong...it has happened on occasion...I know...I know...I still find it hard to swallow myself...but it does happen from time to time...anyway...as I was sayin'...before I so brutally interrupted myself...I could be wrong here...but doesn't it seem remotely possible that if you send SMOKEY a postcard about a possible brush fire at the Ponderosa...that by the time he gets it and replies...the forest will be a little less green...and a helluvalot more ASHY...I mean I know here in the little town I live in the Fire Department is seen as a joke...previously located on Main Street in a town with maybe 30 roads...total...they let a house across the street burn to the ground before they could get to it...needless to say if a phone call didn't work...a zip code is gonna be of NO use at all...thankfully for the Fire Department in this town...they relocated just outside the 'city' limits...I guess it's easier to justify NOT putting afire out if you have an extra block or two to travel...I just don't get it...what did they think...that old SMOKEY might have time to write back???  Obviously if he is opposed to BURNING down trees...he is equally opposed to their use as paper producing products of nature...it's 2012...how about you get SMOKEY his own web site...or IP address if he is feelin' lonely...have him set up a Facebook Page and a Twitter account...what the hell is wrong with these people...NOBODY uses the post office anymore except to send out junk mail that NOBODY else wants...99% of my mail goes right in the recycle bin without so much as an opening...I mean seriously...sendin' SMOKEY a snail mail seems a little ruh-tarded if ya ask me...regardless of what Century it is...send smoke signals...I mean really...who sees a forest fire and stops long enough to write the brush fire fightin' bear a little snippet about the searing heat and the suffering animals...this is part of what's wrong with our entire infrastructure here in America...backwards ass ways of coming up with solutions to simple problems...sendin' SMOKEY a short note in the hopes he will arrive in time to put it out...is like voting in the upcoming election for the candidate you think lies the best on TV about correcting America's NEVER ENDING problems...only to realize 4 years later that the last two decades were so f**ked there is NO way to fix it with more laws...bills...and bullshit...our country's comment box is similar to SMOKE'S mailbox...littered with literature that NOBODY will EVER pay attention to...I think we need to revamp the system...from the ground up...I know the majority of us have gone through a hiring process or two in our lifetimes...REMEMBER how many times you got hired after an interview...where the employer welcomes you to the team...on a 90 day TRIAL PERIOD...if everything goes well you'll be treated a little less like a f**ktard and a little more like a human...why haven't we demanded that from our politicians...seems fair to me...you get 3 months after taking office to get SMOKEY and all your fake little forest friends up to speed...cell phones...tablets...tools of technology...if you fall on your face...OUT ya go...don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya...and NO second chances...if you fail the first go around...either during the initial election process or during the 90 day trial period...that IS IT...on the application where the employer...(US)...asks if you have EVER applied for a position with this country before...if your answer is YES...done...run that shitty little application through the shredder and move on...and I think we need to get rid of the added expense of a Presidential Posse...(Secret Service...because that's all they really are)...if you apply for the position of President...you go in knowing what the possibilities are...do your JOB and NOBODY will bother you...F**k around and people are gonna wanna see you drawn and quartered...it's NO different than any other position that people are passionate about...you're a public figure...quit wastin' money creating zip codes for things that DON'T EXIST...do yourself a favor if you happen upon a forest fire...turn around and RUN!!!