A local ordinace in Atwoodville, CT prohibits people from playing Scrabble while a politician is speaking...
Apparently the elected citizens who make up the Atwoodville City Council didn't want Scrabble enthusiasts in their little burg to start including Dubya-isms...or inventing new ones of their own...when the local Super Bowl of Scrabble took place...my question...as I always have when it comes to dumb-ass laws still on the books...is: Did everyone in town show up to City Hall toting Webster's Dictionary's and Scrabble Boards...or was it just one old couple sittin' way in the back...in the section that doubles as the Senior Citizens Center...and was this a public ordinance...or did it include private dwellings as well? Did they hire additional help for the town constabulary...so they could go house to house and search out these Liege's of Linguistic Arts??? And please tell me...what was the sentence for carrying out such Violent acts of Vocabularizification??? Were they subject to correcting misspelled 10th Grade English papers...stripped of their Scrabble Tiles...left with just an empty board to ponder over...maybe if somebody had given Dubya a Scrabble game when he was just another moron with a MLB team he wouldn't've appeared so ignorant during his oratorial output thing-a-ma-bob's...or even after he clambered his way into the Oval Office...Sunday games could've been Dub-yaed...Spellifying with the Secret Service and Senatorial types...with mid-week masterpieces...Confabulationaries with the Congressionalisticals...there is one thing that old Texas Turd-swiller did for me that NOBODY has been able to do since I graduated high school...can you even guess what that is??? I'll give ya a hint...back when most of us went to school...it was something we did damn near every year for English Class??? Not ringin' any bells??? If not for Dubya's odoriferous orification practices...NONE of us would've ever had to reach way back in the recesses of memories...recallin' all that 'ritin'...readin'...and 'rithmatic...so that we could once again DIAGRAM SENTENCES...it's almost eerie when you think about it...they were preparing us for the possibility that one day we would have a Pompous Pontificating Presidential Pinhead...who would have serious problems spouting sentence fragments...that even the most die-hard Atwoodville-ian Serial Students of Scrabblificationisms would have troublesomations placing on the board...I think...and I'm being honest here...maybe the fine minds @ Hasbro should put out a Collectible Scrabble Edition in honor of Dubya's 8 years in office...they could call it CRAPPLE...what's a CRAPPLE you ask??? Well I suppose it's one of those everything words...it could be an adjective...as in..."Didja hear Dubya's speech last night...I love the way that guy statifies things so's we regular folks can unnerstan him bettah..." " I know, right...I thought it was CRAPPLISTIC"...or it could be used as a noun...as in..."Washington D.C. is the CRAPPLITAL of the U.S.A."...or as a verb...as in..."He CRAPPLED with that idea a long time before finally spittin' it out"...however, it's word origins can be traced back to one singular definition...CRAPPLE is the shit that tumbles off Dubya's tongue everytime he opens his mouth in an attempt to seem smarter than an unwatered blade of Arizona grass...all proceeds will be donated to a charitable cause...kinda like Jerry's Kids...only we call them Dubya's Dimwits...and the foundation consists of EVERY child who got left behind...game tiles would also hafta be modified as well as the rules...new tile configurations include "UH"..."UM"..."ER"..."DUH"..."ISM"..."IF"..."ICA"...& "SHUN" they can be played individually...or in conjunction with other tiles to form entirely new Dumbya-isms...if the word you play can be found in the current edition of Webster's Dictionary...it's not allowed...you must add an ISM...IFY...ICA...or SHUN tile to the end of the word to qualify...momentary pauses simulating 'Deep Thought Processes' result in the offending player forfeitifying 3 tiles and a loss of turn...raising your eyebrows in a..."Holy Shit I can't believe I just made up that word and NOBODY noticed" fashion...followed by that familiar "These peoples so stupid Imma genie-us" chuckle...rewards the player utilizing this method of dialogiza-SHUN...2 extra tiles and a free turn...if a player draws the 8 tiles listed above...and is able to use them all to form the opening word...they automatically win...for instance "DUH-UH-UM-ER-IF-ICA-SHUN-ISM" that's the retardation of people who paid attention in school and taught themselves to think outside the box...WINNER...WINNER...CHICKEN DINNER!!!
