Every year an igloo hotel is built in Sweden that has the capacity to sleep 100 people...
This one is true...seent it on one of them historigraphical type shows I sometimes watch...ya know...this is one of them things ya might wanna research a little bit before ya go divin' right into...I know the concept of spending an evening in an igloo hotel is rather endearing...some things ya might wanna consider before buying Frommer's Guide to Sweden's Igloo Inns...it is GD cold in Sweden...in the Summer...so I can't imagine how bitterly embracing the weather must be come full Winter...when Igloo hotels are often built...a wool lined sleeping bag...a coupla bear skin rugs...and maybe a fat old boy or two...ya know the kind that could keep ya nice...warm...and toasty even on those nights when the blizzard blows thru like a mad bastard on a bender...I'd also invest in a few various cans of opaque spray paint...as you may come to find out that everything...walls...doors...and windows...are made out of ice...and ice as we all know becomes transparent under certain conditions...wouldn't wanna be taking care of business in the crapper in front of a crowded hallway now would we...another item of concern is heating elements...probably STRICTLY PROHIBITED...as Igloo Hotels tend to turn into Puddle Hotels rather quickly when subjected to temperatures much above 32 F...so NO heat...translates into...COLD Showers...COLD food...COLDer DRINKS...and a shivering night spent fully dressed between a coupla off season Mall Santa's...and here's the worst part...your dumbass PAID for the room...you may wanna take a pair of skates...should you dare to venture around your room...or outside of it...as the floors are also made out of ICE...there are far cheaper methods of torturing oneself without obtaining a passport...making a reservation...getting to Sweden only to find out that the currency exchange rate isn't in your favor...you didn't ask yourself WWKS before ya left...and were out sick from work the day all this pertinent information was made available via the Tidbit...and you have an assload of merchandise you're gonna need to make it all the way to dinner...let alone overnight...Kevin's Home Remedy for Swedish Igloo Enthusiasts...find yourself a relative...or close friend...one that has a stand up freezer...go on over there right around bedtime...empty that frigidator 2000...strip down to your skivvies...and hop on in...if ya make it half an hour without smackin yourself in the head...I'll be duly impressed...Eskimoes and Inuits live in Igloo's...year-round...and NOT for enjoyment...for SURVIVAL...there's a huge difference...unless your ass is shivering on a Seal Hunting Safari...or launching a kayak into the Arctic Ocean to spear hunt Whales...by hand no less...you might wanna think twice about hunkerin' down for the night in an ICEBOX...I mean holy shit...I have no ambition to hibernate like a homeless Polar Bear...for an hour...much less an entire night...who does that shit...slow migrating Eskimoes and Inuits...that's who...come on...there can't be any other explanation for it...they didn't decide to bross the Bering Strait when it was a frozen land bridge...make it half way across...stop for lunch...and have an epiphany...'It's colder than a well digger's ass...right HERE...think I'll chop out a few dozen blocks of ice and builod a nice little hut for me and the fam fam...NO...they couldn't keep up...got left behind...and had to fend for themselves...Darwin's Theory of Evolution...a work in progress...it's actually a perfect society...unreachable by forces of government...the crime rate is extremely low...there aren't any homeless people...unvisited by U.F.O.'s...Yeti's (Sasquatches Arctic Apparition)...or people with the middle initial Dubya...the only news you concern yourself with is circulated amongst the villagers...which by the way all stem from the same slow-footed...frostbitten...flat fore-headed...fur trader responsible for your daily demise in this frozen...forgotten tundra...come to think of it...I would rather go spend the night with a bunch of these Seal-Fat Soup suckin' ice sages...than go all the way to Sweden...famous btw for inventing igloo's...NO my friends...my affection with Sweden ended when the Swedish Bikini Team was no longer a HOT advertising gimmick...aside from that what have they ever had...chocolate...woo-f*+kin'-hoo...yodelling wenches you can still hear wailing even tho your miles from home...that place is startin' to look like a cesspool of shit I don't need to waste my money on...what the hell are these people thinkin'...you wanna entice me out of any vacationing dollars I might come across to toss at an evening of enjoyment...torch that dam igloo...hope the first boat to the Bahama's...build an underwater hotel...out of seamless glass...make it an adult nudist resort...subject to paying participant voting...all new arrivals are immediately stripped and screened...a 51% approval rating must be attained in order to stay sans clothing...those who don't qualify will be refunded their entire package price in Jenny Craig Gift Certificates...now THAT's a tourist destination...hell I'd fly down there directly and apply for a position in the laundry department...gravy job...good wages...great views...both inside and outside the hotel...and I can't imagine how many various forms of tipping one might find themselves unable to refuse...NOT like there's gonna be a whole lotta laundry to do...hammocks for beds...NO towels permitted...it is a nudist resort...drip dry ya heathen...doesn't that sound about a thousand times better than Customer Service (Complaint Department) for some frozen igloo fortress in the land of the candy asses...I wouldn't last a minute in that career field...the first time one of those idiots came down from their rooms bitchin' about the temperature...off come the frostbite protectin mittens buddy...we're gonna engage in hours upon hours of why their mother shoulda just suffocated them in the crib...NOTTA good position to haphazardly apply for...I think I'll wait on the Underwater Lodge off Grand Bahama...hell I'll even double as the Complaint Department for FREE...who's gonna bitch about much of anything at an underwater nuddist resort??? Doesn't matter...chances are if you're standin' in front of me...buck ass naked...with a nice ripe rack...chances are I'm NOT even gonna realize your lips are moving and that words are spewing from your mouth...ya stand a damn good chance I won't even remember what color your hair was...unless you forgot to shave that morning...I probably won't even notice your face...and will remain as equally absent-minded of any expression it may have presented...what with all those Ta-Ta's bouncing around...a guy might mistakenly assume he'd been abducted by a buncha Wild and Crazy Wet-nurses...so many flavors to choose from...it would be damn near take divine intervention just to keep me from endin up runnin around like some sort of Rain Man on a Melon Hunting Rampage!!!
