In ancient Rome it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with a crooked nose...
That's right folks...ancient Rome...credited with such things as establishing Emperialism...feeding Christians to Lions when things got a bit mundane...and the inventors of stereo-typing...or perhaps it was an ancient Roman born cross-eyed who had the 'insight' to label crooked nosed people as potential future leaders..probably a damn good thing we don't subscribe to this way of thinking in this day and age...people born with cleft palates would be viewed as exorcists just because they sounded like they spoke in tongues...all those born deaf would undoubtedly have a career as politicians...quadriplegics would be considered excellent fishermen because of their 'bobbing' potential...pigeon-toed people would be Childhood Gaming Champions with their unfair advantage while playing 'Duck...Duck...Goose'...as well as 'Ring Around the Rosy'...since they are so astute at runnin around in circles...one-armed people would have the most career opportunities...since I'm sure everybody has...@ one time or another...wished they had a third hand...
ya know...it's kinda funny how history repeats itself...why just recently...here in America...on our own shores...a person born Big-Eared and Empty Headed was viewed to have the potential for Presidency...and look where that got us...headed in the same direction as the last Emperialist society...damn near into exxtinction...see now had I been available for consultation to the ancient Romans I woulda tried to correct this disastrous 'Determination thru Deformity' program they had in place...crooked nosed people would NEVER have been singled out as possessing leadership characteristics...they would have been pegged as Societal Attendants of the Senate...capable of sniffin out the bullshit and signalling the masses...a much more productive career field...deaf people would be put to work in a position more complimentary to their condition...say as Spousal Substitutes...Is your wife angry??? Do you often come home from a long day @ work...tired...stressed...hungry...only to be lambasted with foul language by the little lady??? Call Spousal Substitutes...we'll send one of our best listeners...Super Bowl Sunday Specials...2 for 1...one to entertain the kiddies...one to keep the angry...hot headed...furious female...occupied in the other room...order early and we'll include 4 one-armed entities that double as T.V. trays...I know what you're thinkin...'But Kevin...you haven't mentioned blind people during this commentary at all...are you biased against the blind?' Hell no!!! Blind people get the best package...free tickets to all Lions games...Home and Away...on the 50 yard line...FOR LIFE!!! I know...some of you think that's cruel...but when you consider NOBODY else wants to see that shit either...it makes perfect sense...put a set of headphones on them...pipe in some chamber music...and for all they know they're at the Opera House...which is where they'll probably end up after the game...I know...I know...I can hear the gasps already...'OMG you're goin' straight to hell for making fun of the handi-capable people of the world!'...ya wanna know what the real kick in the kisser is??? I had a cross-eyed ancient Roman confide in me...gave me great security to make those statements...know what he said??? 'Have no fear...all those who laughed will be there waiting!'...Looks like most of us are in for a long...terribly tepid...future of fire together!!! See you all soon!!!
