Ancient Rome had a Rent-a Chariot business...
...and this my friends is why the last Great Empire fell by the wayside...ignorance in advertising useless business ideas...seriously...how in the hell do you market a Chariot rental business??? As I recall there weren't many two seat chariots...at least NOT in the Hollywood versions...they were generally reserved for single occupancy...there may have been room for a second individual...but what good would that do if the whole family wanted to go somewhere...ya gotta hope like hell one of ya has passed the chariot driving test...or ya gotta rent one for each member of the family...along with a driver...and who do ya think drove these rent-a-chariots...escaped Gladiators...or do ya think they had towelhead taxi operators like they do in New York...this is one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard...why not rent seatless uni-cycles ya buncha Christian killin' heathens...I can just see it now...hundreds of chariots parked outside the Colosseum...all waiting to be hailed...to carry the rush of traffic to areas that were what...within walkin' distance of where you were at...because that's how they built cities back in those days...jammed together for proximity and ease of access...so where do ya think ya might need to take one of these rent-a chariot contraptions...you would think that a wise business man...wouldn't allow for individual rental of the chariots for fear of NEVER getting them back...I mean it's NOT like you could rent one in Rome and drop it off in Tuscan...or Venice...couldn't drive one to Sicily...and due to design...if you were a rental chariot driver you had no protection from being stiffed for the fare...seein' as how the backside of those things were wide open...like every receiver in a football huddle that didn't get the ball thrown to them on the last play...which means riders could jump off at anytime without notice...but of course...these were earlier...simpler civilizations that were void of the type of criminal thinkin we are capable of in this day and age...and how in the hell did they decide what fare to charge...couldn't just slap a meter on one of the wheels and a way we go...were there single horse...double horse and quadruple horse chariots like in all those neat movies...cuz that would hafta play a role in the price ya could expect to pay for a ride somewhere...right??? I mean...idk about you guys...but I ain't payin the same price for a ride on a Schwinn as I am for a ride on a crotch rocket...see there's just too many problems with the whole fare rate for it to even work...you couldn't charge by how many city blocks you drove...ever been to one of the Old countries...they weren't much on building cities in block divisions...they were more circular in nature...if you pay attention...winding out from the city center...which poses a serious issue for those incapable of establishing a map with a radius graph established in order to determine a fair and just amount for travel...but hey...that's just one man's opinion on how it would hafta work in order for any amount of success to be realized...there is one HUGE flaw with this whole THEORY tho...because let's face it...translation of ancient languages like Italian...which is a member of the Indo-European family of languages having root origins in the Italo-Dalmatian, Romance and Italic language groups...spoken by over 85 million people in this day and age...is hardly an exact science...linguists GUESS at what they are reading in these ancient manuscripts...which makes me wonder who OWNED these chariot rentals...because unless I missed something in my brief research of Roman history...trust me...it was all of 33 seconds if it was anything...but CHARIOTS...were BUILT...for USE...by the ROMAN militia...there is NO mention in the history books of independent CHARIOT dealerships that bought, sold and traded these things...they were designed as a tool of WAR...transportation by horse and buggy at higher speeds was an advantage of WAR...and like many tools of WAR...it lacked one essential element to be considered capable of passenger transport...features of COMFORT...like shock absorbers...assinine design flaws that made them prone to FLIPPING at high speeds...safety equipment...and insurance...I mean I could be wrong...anyone got pictures from the Colosseum showing ancient advertisements for the new line of chariots by Ferrari...NO...hmmm...unless Hollywood history has it completely wrong...which wouldn't be unheard of...CHARIOTS were reserved for the upper class aristocracy of the Roman Empire...Emperors, Senators and certain members of the Praetorian Guard...primarily in the newly outfitted Calvary regiments...so either the Empire was destitute and several upper class members of society were moonlighting to compensate for a crumbling Empire that couldn't write their paychecks...or people didn't ride in CHARIOTS as a luxury...they either traveled by foot...or carried themselves on horseback if they could afford one...there wasn't much industry in that day...you either built WEAPONS...or you traded goods on the market...usually for other goods or money...which you then used to make further transactions of importance to your SURVIVAL...you might as well sell wishes...you'd hafta have a real good day gamblin on Gladiators to piss your money away on a bumpy ride that could end up with a trip to the nearest meat hackin genius that wants to be a doctor in their next life...a CHARIOT rental business...when they weren't even available to the general public...I mean this is just common sense kinda stuff...and here's all the proof you should need...if CHARIOTS had been released to the general public...there woulda been modifications...automotive travel would have taken a huge leap...it didn't...because like all things left in the hands of governments...the CHARIOT failed as a vehicle of transportation and was only moderately successful on LEVEL battlefields...you could literally tip them over by hitting a rock or a hole...they were like the Yugo's of there day...fun to look at...useless in real everyday life...I mean who would rent a CHARIOT...when there were comfortable covered wagon type vehicles that closely resembled stage coaches...what morons...it's like opening a backwards business...quick...somebody run out and getta buncha horses...I got an idea of how we can send communication back and forth...even if somebody did have a CHARIOT rental service in Rome...how did they attract customers??? Stands to reason that there weren't any listings in the local phone book...pretty sure advertising wasn't what it is today...so ya either gotta pay someone to drive around and try to pick up riders...(in my best native Indian accent...dot not feathers)...'Hey...my friend...you have 5 drachma...I geeve you ride in nice Chariot...I am Jerry...your humble servant and chariot operator...please...you geeve me money now...and I take you to home'...I mean come on...Rome was the capital city of an Empire during the days when CHARIOTS were used...they were a symbol of SUPREMACY...seldom enjoyed by those of common means...and trust me NOBODY that can afford a CHARIOT ride is gonna PAY for one...it would have been beneath them...so if you're ever in Rome...don't go hailing any Two Wheeled Taxi's driven by immigrant towlies from Tuscan!!!
