The first episode of "Joanie Loves Chachi" was the highest rated American program in the history of Korean television. "Chachi" is Korean for 'penis'...
That's GREAT...if you're using Korean television ratings to determine how awful a spin-off series can be when you involve the wrong cast of characters...but HEY...look on the bright side...at least somebody watched it...which should make the people at Fox News as giddy as a goosestepper at a GOP Convention...eventually their propanganda programming has a shot at being rated above sewer spill-over levels of acceptability...I'd be willing to bet only the pilot program of Joani Loves Chachi had any ratings whatsoever in Korea...as soon as they found out Joanie wasn't the Jewish term for 'Hot Naked Korean Housewives'...and that Scott Baio was more of a penis than the pecker in their pants...they turned the station...either that...or there's only one Korean with a TV and that was the only channel...this little tidbit does however bode well for failed pilot programs out of Hollywood...can't get an audience in the States...toss the word 'Chachi' into the title and you'll have an instant Korean Showstopper...you could bring back some of the older programs we watched as kids and make a mint...series like...'The Chachi's of Hazzard'...'The Six Million Dollar Chachi'...'Leave it to Chachi'...(altho replacing the Beaver with a Chachi might confuse young minds about their future selections regarding personal sexuality)...'Chachi's Angels'...a buncha hot female detectives taking orders from some dick hidden in a dungeon speaking thru a box...'The Chachi Van Dyke Show'...hey you say Dick...I say Chachi...same thing right??? 'Chachi's Heroes'...a buncha dildo's bouncin around in a box lookin for a way out...'I Dream of Chachi'...a gay rights activist series where Segfried and Roy take turns poppin outta the bottle...'Little Chachi on the Fairie'...how early settler's dealt with homosexuality...'Chachi Five-O'...Pecker's in Paradise..."Welcome Back Chachi"...a show with so many thoughtless thespians I'm thurprised Dubya didn't play a recurring character...(BONUS QUESTION: Who knows the name of the comedian that played Wally 'The Wow' as a member of the Sweathogs???)... Anybody??? Nobody??? George Carlin...okay...so onward and upward...Chachi P.I. ...a story about another Prick in Paradise who works as a 'private dick'...or you could go way back and redo shows like...'Lost in Chachi'...STRANGER...STRANGER...WILL ROBINSON...that's yourrr sisssss terrrr (as the Robot shuts down)...The Three Chachi's...an American vaudevillian comedy show featuring 3 tallywhackers tumbling all over each other utilizing slapstick humor...'Chachismoke'...an old western series about pistols and peckers poppin' off wherever they pointed them...you could OWN Korean Prime Time Television for decades...I don't get it honestly...Scott Baio sucked so bad at acting he probably still gets called 'Chachi' in public...and Joanie was so plain and homely if she had worn clothes that matched the couch in the Cunningham Castle you'd've never known she was there...I mean hell even John Travolta got another shot at a role after playing 'Vinnie'...what did Scott Baio get...a star outside Korea's Chachiwood Walk of Fame... WHOOPEE...seriously...it says alot about your career choice as an actor when you were so completely forgettable you didn't even make enough money to develop a drug habit...Joanie wasn't any better...she had the sex appeal of a freshly sheared sasquatch...I suppose it coulda been worse...the spin-off coulda been titled 'Ralph and Potsies Playtime'...I'm actually thinking of writing a book now that I have had the pleasure of perusing this tidbit today...I have a working title in mind...as well as a subtitle...'The Chachi Chronicles'...'a Korean Cock Tale'...it'll profile people who should have 'acted' like sheep and gotten the flock outta Hollywood...you know...like Roman Polanski did after the Manson Murders...(too far...sue me...my pocket lint's worth more than money)...I'll follow it up with...'A Trilogy of Chachi's'...in which we will examine 3 seperate career fields populated with the most promisingly pompous...proud to be a peckerhead...prick toothed puppets plodding the planet...will they reach unbeforeseen weeks standing atop the NY Times Best Seller List...I couldn't care less...I plan on selling a million copies overnight...just south of the DMZ...and guess what??? If the International Exchange rate isn't tilted in my favor by the time both books are published...I'll change my name...pack my bags...move to South Korea...and become King Long Dong Chachi...The Royal Richard Cranium...Prince of Pole Polishing...Swami of Salami Slappin'...Choker of Chickens...the peasants will parade by my palacial plantation hoping to procure a peep at a penis...and what will I show them...these faitful who flock to fascinate over a phallus...a life size photo of Scott Baio wearing a Tony Romo jersey...Two Pricks for the Price of One!!!
