In Denver, the dog catcher must notify the dogs of impounding by posting, for 3 consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park...
That makes a ton of sense...don't it...what language do you suppose they print out these postings in...I mean there are different breeds of dogs from all over the world...probably at least one of each living in the Denver area...PLEASE...PLEASE...don't tell me that just because they were raised here in the States that they assumed all the dogs were well-read in the English language...you may as well impound the dog and read him his rights...you know where pets come from...from the same place all other animals come from...the wild...they are considered domesticated because our dumbasses couldn't leave them be...they seemed small enough for us to control...so we capture them and trained them...much like they do in the circus...and just like the animals in the circus...they all have animal instincts that cannot be undone...it is their nature to want to be free from captivity...much like humans they do not enjoy being penned up in a cell for endless hours everyday...NOR do they like to be dragged around town on a damn collar and chain...they want to run and be free...most of them are harmless...some have been trained and mistreated to be aggressive and vicious...but like most other animals their bark is often worse than their bite...they are just as scared of a stranger as you or I might be...that's why they run away from people they don't know...like dogcatchers...probably a damn good thing this little travesty of an idea didn't spread to other areas...can you imagine if we employed this tactic with fleeing felons...post them a little note near their favorite hangout for three days straight tellin' them that they were wanted and that if they didn't return home and stay hidden somebody was gonna come pick them up and haul them off...how ridiculous...posting impound warnings notifying the dogs of their impending doom...whaddaya do after the three days have passed...go pick them up and read them their rights in Swahili...show them pictures of pet owners that have reported a missing pet...see if they recognize anyone they can paw as an accomplice...impounding a dog for doing something that comes naturally...like running and playing...foraging for food in a trash can...being an ANIMAL...is kinda like lockin' people up for showing up to work and paying their taxes...it just doesn't make sense...I have a dog problem where I live...one of my neighbors has two of them...one of which is a real pain in my ass...gets out of the yard...digs through my garbage can...leaves a mess all over the yard...I called Animal Control...had them issue citations without seizing the dog...problem still persisted...right up until I approached the pet owner and explained to him that the next time his dog dug through my garbage he was gonna be the one to clean it up...either out of my yard...or out of his...haven't seen that dog since...didn't hafta post a warning sign saying the dog would be impounded...didn't hafta call Animal Control again...just a simple two minute conversation with an idiot that couldn't seem to understand things until they were put in the simplest of forms...wouldn't have pissed me off so much if he didn't have a huge fenced in back yard that the dogs could run and play in...lazy bastard lets them out the front door so they can go shit in the lawns of everyone else...NOW...I don't know if it was my conversation with him that cured the problem...or if he had to write his dog a note everyday for three days straight before the animal finally figured it out...what I do know is that I accomplished more in that brief two minutes than anyone else had previously...as a matter of fact...if I'm NOT mistaken there is now a For Sale sign in the front yard of their house...which means they've either realized they've outstayed their welcome and are moving to another city...or they are gonna look for land outside of town where they don't hafta cage their pets while they're away to prevent picking through my garbage when they get home...pets are like children in a sense...you, as the owner are responsible for them...the difference being that responsibility doesn't fall to them after a certain age...with pets...it's FOR LIFE...if one of my pets creates a nuisance I damn sure wouldn't attempt to blame the dog...and I'm definitely NOT gonna waste my time writing it a letter or trying to read to it...and ya wanna know why??? because I don't write or speak ANIMALESE...it's as foreign to me as Mandarin...I wouldn't be able to understand it without subtitles...kinda like the dogs in Denver that wander aimlessly by their own wanted posters on a daily basis...oblivious that they are being watched and placed on the WANTED list...maybe I'm wrong here...this is only a suggestion...but before you Coloradians chop down more trees to make the paper you print these assinine impounding notices on...maybe you should invest some of that money on actually teaching the dogs to read...seems that would be the prudent thing to do...might make those notices you're posting actually get NOTICED...I know what most of you are thinkin'...(But Kevin...that's just as insane an idea as posting the notices in the first place)...and right you are...but I didn't start the stupidity...I'm just trying to promote it in such a way that all shallow end swimmers end up in the Mile High City!!!
