John Harvey Kellogg thought sex led to leprosy, tuberculosis, heart disease, epilepsy, dimness of vision, insanity, idiocy, and death, so he created Corn Flakes as a food designed to promote health and decrease interest in sex...
and there ya have it folks... a fabulous fable about forbidding f**kery of any nature...and let's be honest here...this can be seen as nothing more than a success story...because NOBODY in the history of cereal killers has ever scarfed down a box of Kellogg's Corn Flakes...and thought to themselves...Boy I'd sure like to plug the soft velvety patch of garden beneath those knickers... why??? Because Corn Flakes are eaten by old people...you know...like some of my readers...who are so damn old they couldn't get that soldier to stand at attention if they propped him up with both attached duffel bags...a handful of popsicle sticks and a roll of duct tape...you have NO business thinking about sex as anything more than a distant memory...so when the little lady wants to get frisky after the age of fifty...eat a big old bowl of Corn Flakes and take a nice little afternoon nap...seriously though...ya know who thinks that sex leads to leprosy...TB...heart disease...epilepsy...loss of vision...insanity...idiocy and even death??? Two kinds of people...very intelligent salesman that have a product they would like to promote as a snake oil type solution to cover a multitude of mental as well as physical health issues...and those that possess OCD in one or more forms...I mean you hafta stop and consider for a moment the absolute genius behind Mr. Kellogg's claims...especially given the social climate of the time...very little was known about many of these health issues when John Harvey came up with Corn Flakes...which I might take a moment to mention...are the BLANDEST...most TASTELESS forms of cereal on the market...you hafta assume that when they were initially launched the target audience was minimal...children didn't like them then and still don't know...adults didn't like them because there is more flavor in the cardboard box they came in...and old people didn't want them either...so whaddaya do with a product destined to fail??? You use the oldest device in the bartering bag of tricks...you enhance the image of your product by making it appear useful and necessary...you advertise it as a preventative product...who at that time wouldn't believe some of these claims...leprosy involves rotting...decaying sores of the flesh that scab over and fall off...somewhat similar to certain strains of herpes...TB causes shortness of breath...rapid intake of air in a wheeze sucking motion...depending on your deviant sexual desires and your current partner and level of performance...if done correctly sex results in these same symptoms...heart disease??? Who hasn't has that one simply blissful moment when they thought their heart was just going to explode from all of the excitement and exercise...epilepsy consists of erratic and unscheduled convulsive episodes...multi-orgasmic women who are enjoying the current sexual session can exhibit these same characteristics...it can sometimes be enhanced even further through the use of alcohol...marijuana and certain twisted sexual devices such as electric shocking nipple clips and vibrating penis rings...(psst...now is the perfect time to look at the face of someone else reading this tidbit...if they are redder than Rudolph's nose after a three week bender...they use these things in the bedroom)...dimness of vision...sex itself does not normally cause dimness of vision unless you are mating with a malnourished desert dweller...it does however...on occasion...cause one of the participants to pray for blindness...this usually occurs when you leave the bar at 2am with what you think is a perfect 10...only to wake up at 10am lying next to a solid 2...especially if your arm happens to be wrapped underneath IT...kinda wanna make ya gnaw that particular limb off just to avoid waking her up...be careful though...you'll hafta gnaw the other arm off so she doesn't eventually wake up and start searching for a one armed man...insanity and idiocy go hand in hand...both groups of people drool all over themselves and others...they make retarded comments as a standard form of communication...great sex causes the same traits to pop up...you'll know you've been more than satisfying if she hasta change the pillow cases...or starts screaming out sentences that make you think she has tourettes...and death involves the absence of life...which can also be associated with sex...you self pleasuring masturbatory types should know all about necrophilia...you've been mating with an inanimate object for most of your lives...and NO...NEITHER of your hands constitutes a living organism...listen if you die from having sex...it doesn't matter how old you are...you should be heralded as an icon...cuz let's face it...there are a million ways a person could pass away painfully...but firing off a final load isn't one of them...I hope I made your day!!!
