Every year about 45,000 people are injured by toilets, and 2,000 by balloons...
YEE F**KIN' HAW Y'ALL...I absolutely LOVE this tidbit...and although I am not a religious person myself...I pray...pray...prAY...this tidbit is true...if for NO other reason than it serves to support my theory on how vastly ignorant the majority of people around the world actually are...this tidbit PROVES that beyond a shadow of poop...or doubt...your choice...do you know how completely reedonkulous your idiotic mortal shell must be to let a toilet or balloon INJURE you...how the hell do you hurt yourself using the crap catcher??? I am literally beside myself with stupification...I mean seriously...I would expect this to happen to anyone that carried the last name of BUSH...but the rest of these retarded little rectum injuring idiots represent a whole new pantheon of clueless caca connoisseurs who don't know whether to shit or get off the pot...47,000 people a year injure themselves with objects that pose NO threat to anyone...that is simply amazing...this plays into the tidbit we did the other day too...when I suggested that we didn't necessarily need to eradicate and eliminate these people because of their uneducated ignorance...but that it wouldn't hurt to give them their own island to stumble around on...preferably one without indoor plumbing and plastic expandable CO2 containers...it isn't intended to be a direct slap in the face for being so STUPID...it's something that I learned growing up...having been raised in a military environment...it's called preventive maintenance in most circles...by shipping them to some little rock in the middle of one of the oceans...we are SAVING them from their selves...they should be thankfully wiping my ass just for suggesting it...and I am sure most of them would line up around the block to put paper to my brown eye and wipe away the excess...NOT that I would allow that under the best of circumstances...since apparently they cannot handle themselves around a commode when they are left alone...the last thing I wanna do is end up getting injured by their inabilities to alleviate themselves and leave...I mean what's worse...walking into an emergency room with a toilet injury...or a balloon injury...on the one hand ya probably hafta show your ass...and on the other hand ya hafta show up lookin like an ass...either way you're wearin your ass as a hat...proving that you're slightly dumber than the dipshit with the degree that's gonna fix ya up...here's the thing people...a toilet...should under absolutely NO circumstances be allowed to injure you...if you are too drunk to navigate the inner perimeter of a poop palace...either go puke, piss or shit outside...or just do it in your pants...YOU'RE DRUNK...it's expected...and a helluvalot easier to explain away...then tellin' the doctors...nurses...family members...friends...co-workers and business associates that you're such a dipshit ya slipped..split your lip and lost three teeth while tryin' to kiss the commode...FORETHOUGHT people...it's not just a fancy word in the English language that ya read in books...it comes in pretty damn handy...I used to use it myself when going to the bar...sit home and DRINK...it's cheaper...then have a buddy take you to the bar after they get out of work at 11pm...that way ya get there right around midnight...pay for maybe one or two drinks at bar prices...and if you're lucky pick up a rider for the trip home...for men...go to bars that have troughs in the bathroom...less navigation and risk of falling face first in a toilet...for ladies...if you're pissin' standin' up...it really isn't gonna matter if you fall face first in the toilet...chip your teeth...split your lip...blacken both eyes and come out bloody...NOBODY was lookin' at ya anyway...especially when ya showed up in bib overalls with chew spit stuck in your beard...have at it HOMEGIRL...now for you babbling baboons bruising yourselves with balloons...you people are DUMBER than dirt...ya know that...how in the sam hell do you allow yourself to be so fabulously f**ktarded...look at a balloon...it is a manually operated CO2 container that you hafta fill up yourself...you can't just try to hold the small mouth piece open and run like hell to get air in it now can ya...NO...ya hafta put the damn thing in your mouth and blow into it like you were a $2.00 whore on nickle night...and here's the kicker...the damn thing fills up...RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE...it's NOT like ya need a damn mirror to see it sticking out of your ear...how do ya get distracted with this giant colored orb GROWING in before your EYES...to the point ya let it explode and injure you...there are built in telltale signs that explosion is imminent and injury is therefore possible...NOW...pay real close attention...cause as the orb gets BIGGER...the manmade membrane you are holding in your mouth is getting noticeably THINNER...stretching like a vagina during the birth of a ten pound puppy...ya hafta know by lookin' at this thing NOTHING is ever gonna be the same...it is about to rupture and cause significant pain...and that goes for the balloon as well...think about it people...47,000 people a year we no longer need to promote the procreation of...I think an island is a fair trade...they get to remain free and fend for themselves...they just don't get to pee in the pool anymore!!!
