In Alabama it is illegal to flick boogers into the wind...
...well that's just great if ya have an allergy to modified mucous that comes in the form of chunky little nasal nuggets...I don't get it...ya can't flick boogers into the wind...but there doesn't seem to be any laws against inbreeding...seems to me if ya quit sleepin' with your sister...your kids will quit growin' up as little wannabe booger baggers...I mean seriously...we're talkin' about Alabama here...that little piece of land in the lower Southeast corner of the country...where everybody's childhood dream is to get interviewed by the Weather Channel for 15 minutes of fame after the last ternader came passin' through and took your best friend Bubba's brand new bass boat and parked right over there in Tiny Tim's brand spankin' new '50's model mobile home...hey leave little Timmy alone...it may not be new to you...but his pappy passed away last week in a gator rasslin' accident down in Florida...so it's new to him...I swear...who wants to live in a state where ya can sleep with your female relatives...individually or collectively...cuz really it doesn't matter...if you're straightening out the limbs of our family tree...body count doesn't play into the equation...where ya can dress in a white sheet for supper...and coon huntin has nuthin' to do with treein' small furry animals...that state is so backwards assed they don't even NEED prison's to promote cornholin' catastrophes...can't flick boogers into the wind...but ya can make up stories about alien abductions and how your wife Wilma got sodomized by some unearthly grey ghost...showed up the next mornin' with her hair curlers all willy nilly...kinda makes ya wanna just scream...HEY DIPSHIT...SHE DIDN'T GET ABDUCTED BY ALIENS...SHE'S YOUR SISTER...DAD CALLED HER HOME SO HE COULD GET SOME STRANGE...f**kin' idiots...those people are so inbred they make retarded people look like offspring from Einstein...IDK if any of the rest of ya have ever had the displeasure of living in or visiting this shit hole of the South...I have...and there are only TWO good things that ever came outta that state...ME & MY FAMILY...when we finally got orders for a new location...good lord...we hadda a joke about the folks down there...YA KNOW HOW TO CASTRATE LITTLE JOHNNY??? KICK HIS SISTER IN THE CHIN...when these booger baggin' morons go to Wal-Mart for Family Photo Day...their pictures turn out lookin like Mom...Dad....and a buncha mimi-me's...they all look the same...it's almost like they found the fountain of youth...recreating the Hills Have Eyes kids all over the hillsides...cross eyed little goonie goo goo hobgoblins...ya know why they outlawed booger flickin' in the wind...it disrupts pissin in the wind...which often doubles as Family Fun time in the shower...seriously tho...ya know why they outlawed this little past time for the fine people of Alabama...because ya can't try and save your trailer durin' a ternader if ya got your digits dug up your nasal passages...NOT too mention it doesn't look good on camera when the news crews show up...everybody standin around what usedta be the travel trailer park they lived in...flickin' boogies at the bums that normally serve as their brothers durin the days when nature doesn't rear it's ugly head and send them scurryin' for cover in the back half of the camper right next to the crapper...it seems a little ridiculous to me...this little nose nugget tossin' tradition has been found to be naughty...how far can ya flick a booger on a calm day...from your fingernail to the front of your shirt...it's NOT like ya dig these little treasures out with flights already installed like darts...and for the most part...they don't tend to be of the DRYNESS one would need to accomplish any success with a flickin' motion...so it would only stand to reason that if ya tried it in the wind ya might get lucky enough to land one of these miniature mucous marbles all the way down to your foot...no harm no foul...whaddaya gotta outlaw it for...because as usual most of ya missed the fine print of the language used to furnish this little fiasco of the pick and flick laws of the great state of ALLLABAMA...it is illegal to flick boogers INTO the wind...because then you wear them on your face...if you flick them WITH the wind ya stand a better chance of allowing someone else the pleasure of wearing your nasal painting on their face...yeah I know...ya shouldn't need the simple things pointed out to ya...but that's a necessity in some states...especially the further south ya go...idk if it's somethin' in the water...or if they really have an alien abduction epidemic...but if I were you I'd try and keep as far away from the Ozarks as possible...you may get poked...prodded...or picked and flicked!!!
