Here's What I Think of That .^..

The length of the finger dictates how fast the fingernail grows.  Therefore the nail on your middle finger grows fastest...

And the cesspool swimmers get slower...somebody grab this monkey a diving mask wouldja...I think he's headed for some pretty hazardous material over there...whaddawe have here FOLKS...DING...DING... DING...Today's lucky winner gets an all expenses paid trip to Wally World...that's right folks...a round trip ticket to Happyland...full of blue decked sons of Sam...just waiting to see if they can possibly assist you in cluttering up your day...is it just me or does Wal-Mart seem to take the Equality in Employment thing just a tad too far???  Where do you go to get these people...I mean I know where stray animals are adopted from...but where in the hell do you find droolin'...one-legged...eye patch wearin'...Door Greeters that are so damn old they were grandfathered out of Social Security when the program got started...anyway...NOT to get too far off topic...but as part of the Grand Prize you get to change shitty diapers all day...using nothing but your middle finger and industrial strength rolls of John Wayne toilet paper...let's see how well that f**kin finger does on the penetration portion of the WIPING Test you moron...are you kiddin' me right NOW...if our damn fingernails grew at different speeds we'd hafta cut them on different days...schedule them for conformity cuts at the local salon...ignorant butt pirate...from under which f**kin rock did you crawl...somebody shoulda kicked your Ma in the jaw and circumcised your Pa...before your dumb little ass got to paddlin' upstream...ya ignorant little wretch...this guy undoubtedly sleeps alone every night of his life...wanna know how I know that...thought ya might...when you physically possess that much STUPIDITY...the people that come in contact with you develop an immediate...DISLIKE...for your well-being...you sleep alone because anyone who comes in contact with a pillow while in the same room...is likely to try and suffocate you...awake or not...I mean I would...I'd hafta...I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing I missed that one golden opportunity to shrink the amount of moronic membranes we have sucking oxygen outta the atmosphere...I mean seriously...how in the hell would you be able to tell???  I'm NO salon specialist or anything like that...I clip my fingernails when I feel like it...usually before they are able to start carryin' bacteria...how is it that women's fingernails always remain so pristine and pretty...and mens always look like they've been rootin' around in the wrong part of the cellar...Oh...that's right...it's that whole equality thing again...work related in other words...NOW I'm NOT sayin' women don't work hard for their money...and endure alot of the same stressful situations as men do...all I'm sayin' is GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY...if ya want help around the kitchen...ya gotta be willing to shovel a little shit barehanded to fertilize the crops...it goes both ways...get rid of all the fancy nail polish...it's probably causin' your precious nails to suffocate...unbeknownst to you...and 318,945,231,739 other women...roughly...on a daily basis...which results in the stunted growth of your middle digit's protrusion protector...you'll end up like this idjit...usin' yer fingernails for sniffin' sum'thin udder than cimmamum...I mean really...Forrest had more common sense than this idiot...and that guy was pretty damn dumb...funny as hell...but dumb...like Bubba...his bestest good friend...just not right in the head...like they got stomped by a mule or sum'thin...and he went on to become a...what was it called...Gazillionaire...I gotta feelin' old Forrest mighta had an elongated...pointed object pokin' around in the old BUSH family plantation...he seems to have the same endearing qualities as old Duh- Duh-Duh-DUBYA...I mean come on...if he was responsible for teachin' Elvis how to dance...is it so inconceivable that they create a sequel showing Forrest as either George's illegitimate grandfather...or at the very least his decrepit old speech writer...I mean those words hadta come from somewhere...Bayou LaBatrie Louisiana seems as good a place as any...that place has gotta be swamp water levels above the sewer this rat infested f**ktard's been festerin' around in...somebody plug the snorkel and let the BIG TURD FLOAT!!!