Personal Hygiene in the 1800's left much room for improvement. Women would spread bees wax their acne to hide it. If you stared too long you were told to 'mind your own bees wax'...
Idk about the 1800's but personal hygiene of the 2000's leaves much room for improvement too...ever been to Wal-Mart on a lazy afternoon...bees wax would be a blessing in disguise...you seldom hafta get more than 5 feet inside the store before you witness someone who hasn't seen water since their ancestors came over on a boat...it's enough to make you wanna rewrite nursery rhymes..."Wash...Wash...Wash your ass...blast it with hot steam...Hurry...Hurry...Hurry...wash your clothes down by the stream"...some of these crusty assed creatures appear stuck in the 1800's where owning a mirror was a luxury...if you leave your house wearing clothes you couldn't fit in 20 years and 75 lbs ago...a mirror is NO longer a luxury...it should be the first thing you place in your cart when you venture out on your next shopping spree...that or invest in enough bees wax to step out lookin' like a walking booger billboard advertisement for Kleenex...I don't know about the rest of ya...but personally I'd rather see the ladies from 'Little House on the Prarie' parading around in plain jane dresses than to constantly be subjected to some of the sad excuses for the advancement of spandex in humanity that wander the aisles of Wally World...seriously...if you leave the house wearing a thong so small it looks like a Hippo destroying dental floss...perhaps a barrel of Burt's Bees Wax wouldn't be such a bad idea...if you open your dresser drawer and decide to don that pair of spandex that makes you look like a balloon about to burst...do us all a favor...bundle up in a blanket and advertise yourself as a Retro Roman...if you haven't the time to invest in fixin up those lovely locks atop your head...wear a hat...don't bounce up and down the walkways lookin' like Yolanda the Yeti on a bad hair day...if your make-up looks like it was applied using watercolors and waffle mix...don't worry about wearing bees wax...your acne has already been misidentified as measles...if you find yourself standing at the cosmetics counter waiting for service...it's NOT because they're too busy to bother...it's because their sense of sight and smell have systematically shut down due to the offensive presence of your persona...if you look like the last bath you had was taken in a tub of butter... NEWSFLASH...'You're flexy and you show it'...if Mimi...from the Drew Carey show is your idol for aesthetic appearance...stay inside your tin can coated castle...because NOTHING says...White Trailer Trash Temptress...like your scabbies scarin'...green gummed...dirty dreadlock sportin'...stretchin' the limits of spandex...super model mutilating meat bag...prancing around like you're the epitome of pretty... NOW I'll admit...I myself have ventured forth into the land of laziness a time or two...when it comes to wearing inappropriate apparel outside the abode...but NEVER have I made one of these escapades fostering the illusion I was embarking on some sort of trend setting exercise...my biggest sin is wearing pajama pants in public on occassion...but here's the thing...they NEVER present my package in such a manner as to make others pray for puking as some sort of pennance...listen...it's really very simple...if you aren't famous on at least 4 continents...yet walking out of your house usually results in photo flashes popping off like panties at a nudist colony...there is a better than average chance you're gonna end up the centerfold of that colorful compilation...'Calamity Queens of Catastrophe'...there's a huge difference between colostomy bags and your compact case...one makes shit look more presentable...and one is hidden in the deepest recesses of your dufflebag full of dumbass ideas...here's another hint...if you're kids don't show up after school until the sun goes down...chances are they suffer from Coulrophobia... life's hard enough trying to pass P.E....let alone explaining the perplexities involved with how one of your parents performs puppet shows dressed up like Pennywise...holy clayface catwoman...if you hafta chisel chunks off your choppers with a jackhammer...if you go to a sushi bar and the shellfish swim away...if opening your mouth manufactures a mixture of methane and mustard gas...if your Sunday attire looks like something you'd see looking thru a kaliedescope on crack...or if your smile looks like a paper shredder and a salad shooter had sex...personal hygiene isn't in the appropriate place on your priority list...times change...as do relative sayings...what used to be...'Mind your own bees wax'...has been replaced with... 'What in the blue f**k was that?!?' Don't be the posterchild for progidies of pessimism over pro-choice!!!
