Banging your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour...
BULLSHIT!!! Wanna know how I know it's bullshit??? Because relative evidence suggests it doesn't add up...how many health and fitness centers for fat people are there??? Weight Watchers...Adkins... Curves...you name it...and none of them seem to support a head banging theory as a method for removing weight...otherwise that thing floating down the hall that looks like a Goodyear blimp in a 3 piece suit designed for a toddler...would be bangin' it's head all the way to it's office...we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic spilling across fast food parking lots if this shit held any water...course I suppose...if you're devouring meat, poultry and produce in quantities that make them look like crill going down the gullet of a Blue Whale...then there aren't enough hours in a day to compensate for your appetite...ya know what bangin' your head against the wall for an hour does??? IT HURTS LIKE HELL...why do ya think they put helmets on people in mental institutions that have this problem...so they won't HURT themselves...NOBODY sits around drummin' their dome against a wall trying to lose 150 calories before the next big weigh in...however if you happen to be in the top 2 spots on that FLAB-ulous hit show...America's Biggest Loser...and you're 149 calories shy of winning...you might wanna stall for an hour and get a few bumps on that noggin'...try and keep in mind that bangin' your head harder doesn't necessarily equate into greater caloric reductions...it may in fact HURT even worse...so use extreme caution with this dietary method...maybe implement a jogging program to complement the procedure...and ya might wanna let go of one of those whole chickens you're thinkin' of snackin' on...dinner is in an hour...who the hell thought of figuring this dumbass information out...what did some employee at a nut house happen to notice that Slammin' Sally...the head banger from Sarasota...seemed a little thinner after one of her noodle nailin' exercises...put her on the weight scale after each hour and watch the calories drop off...people there are approximately 3500 calories in 1...that's ONE...pound of human body fat...that's 23.33 hours of head banging per pound of body fat...so unless you have suffer from chronic insomnia...this shit isn't gonna work for ya...NOW... SEX on the other hand burns somewhere in the neighborhood of 85 to 90 calories per half hour...there are 48 half hour sessions in a given day...and you don't hafta be a math major to figure out that F**KIN' helps you lose more weight than slammin your head against the wall...now it's up to you which way ya wanna go about doing things...but if it were me...I think I'd concentrate on feeding my fantasies...instead of causing significant ASBS...that's Adult Shaken Baby Syndrome...it's bad enough ya came into this world wearing a bib...with any luck you'll live long enough to go out wearing a bib that's a little bigger...there's NO need for you to go stumbling around with one unnecessarily through mid-life...it's Friday...4/20...new diet program for the weekend...several episodes of sweaty animalistic sexual interaction...brief pauses for oxygen and electrolytes...call into work on Monday and catch up on your rest...and here's a little hint...if you're the only one working at the office Monday mornin'...YOU READ THIS WRONG...and since you require special attention I'm gonna rewrite the chorus to Corrine Bailey Rae's hit song...just for you...Come...get your helmets on...this shouldn't take too long...Dumbass just put your head down!!!
