Eating eel hearts will help you predict the future...
Of this I have NO doubt...the first prediction will be that eating shit you shouldn't NOT only tastes like shit...it does NOTHING to solve your foresight seeing adventures...DUMBASS...you know how I know this isn't a fact based morsel of information??? The Mega Millions lottery...pay attention people...if anyone eating eel hearts was capable of predicting the future lotteries would offer pennies instead of pounds of paper money for purchasing a little slip of paper...another glaring item of interest is the fact that NOBODY seems to understand what the Mayan countdown calendar really is...which would be an easy problem to solve if an eel heart slurpee was sucked down by a smartass with a degree in stupidity...ya know what eating eel hearts will do for ya??? It'll make ya wonder WTF you were thinking...considering the size of an eel and in conjunction with the miniature scale of its heart...one would be safe in assuming that if the possibility of predicting the future is in any way associated with the object of ingestion...eel heart eating idiots would need to slaughter the entire existing population of these sea faring creatures in order to peek at a point in the future fabulously close to the present time...this amount of eel heart entree would undoubtedly cause any curious onlooker to predict an episode of projectile vomiting NOT seen since the glory days of the Exorcist to be forthcoming in relatively short order...it may even cause some to make the prediction that the plate full of blood pumping internal eel organs will end up unfinished...because seriously...who wants to sit down to an enormous amount of eel innards...outside of sharks and other predators permeating the liquid regions of the salty seas...this delicacy does not hold water for the land based creatures crawling along the Earth's crust...there are various reasons people should avoid eating eel hearts...for one...they're f**kin' eel hearts you assbag...if they were meant for human consumption the little slimy sonsabitches would be easier to catch...I feel fairly comfortable at making a prediction about this topic myself...and outside the three cups of coffee I had this morning320.I have yet to consume anything with the potential to allow me a peek at the future...I predict that anyone blindly believing in this assinine assumption enough to order a plate of steaming eel blood pumpers will end up with NOTHING more than a bad taste in their mouths...and HOPEFULLY the insight to avoid such ignorant information in the future...I know the first part of the prediction to be ABSOLUTELY true and the second part is just something I would wish for for Christmas if there were an actual Santa Claus...IDK what on Earth causes people to look upon an internal organ of a slain animal and decide they want to feel the texture of it on their tongue...the animal kingdom is divided into three basic eating categories...the HERBIVORES...who feast on vegetation...such as leaf eaters and VEGETARIANS...(which by the way is an old Indian term used to describe an unsuccessful hunter)... the CARNIVORES...which feast on meat products...and the OMNI-IGNORANT who feast on anything simply because somebody suggested a myth regarding the consumption of caca like compilations...I've NEVER really needed anything to predict the future...it comes naturally...like so many other things in life...for instance...lemme enlighten you as to what tomorrow will bring...at least for me and a handful of my readers...I will rise from my medical marijuana induced coma...it seems that is the only way I can get to sleep...chronic insomnia without underlying conditions...other than every day stress...once I climb from the ashes of slumber I shall make a fresh pot of coffee...probably of the Jamaican Coconut variety my mother brought me on one of her trips north...I will then find a familiar place to park my cracked ass package...boot up m computer and dream up articles about objects I have NO interest in...I will at some point make several trips to the bathroom...as coffee tends to flow through me like high pressure water from a fire hydrant...I'll turn on the TV in the back ground for residual ambient noise pollution...because let's be honest...there isn't shit worth actually watching until after 7pm...I'll get the article writing work done that I have a deadline for...I'll then make dinner for the kids...possibly try and get ahead of schedule for tomorrow...or participate in the animated slaughter of several like minded citizens who enjoy annihilating the enemy in games such as Call Of Duty Black Ops 2...where I must confess I have moments of splendid shooting situations...picking off people like they were fish in a barrel...I'll then pack a nice punch into the cannabis chamber of my favorite late night snack inhibitor and puff away until I pass out...and here's the catch...I won't even think of ingesting the insides of something that looks like a piece of swimming shit...ya know what will help you predict the future??? Being in control of the outcome of your life...that or being present when the future arrives...look at the great prophecies offered from people in the past...NOSTRADAMUS is the best known fabler of future events...he is recognized as such for one simple reason...misinterpretation of information contained in quatrains he was given credit for authoring...it should be easy to recognize by American citizens since this same method is still being used by our government today to mismanage the documents from which our 'freedoms' derive...the fact of the matter is...NOSTRADAMUS could have been talking about anything under the sun...the idiots that heap praise on this prophet from the past have NO idea WTF he was talking about...they assume that events witnessed in our history...long after he was dead...are attributable to his wisdom and foresight...why is it then that they cannot decipher the other quatrains that have not happened as of yet...did they NOT come true...or were they just too ignorant to imagine an event they could correlate to a quatrain...I predict that since today falls within the calendar week schedule that it will eventually be followed by a WEEKEND...I predict that the problems you avoid today will still be waiting for you tomorrow...I predict that anyone eating eel hearts is dumber than dogshit...regardless of what results they were hoping to achieve...I predict that some of you will read this and shake your head in disbelief at the way I make a mockery of everything idiots think is imaginative...while others of you will wipe that slimy shit off your chin so NOBODY sees you sucking down eel heart souffle...it's really that simple to predict the future...for instance...I predict that the next 4 years will be NO different from the last 4 years...you cannot get vastly different results if you continue to elect that same asshats to positions in politics...I predict that the next marionette made president will succumb to the same suffering and stress as his predecessors that have held this position...and that he or she will be just as ineffective at correcting the corruption the followers are incapable of making a stand against...predictions are like pennies...you can find them all over the place...they are just lying around waiting to be picked up and pocketed...it does NOT mean they will make you rich...or wise beyond your ears...I swear sometimes I wish it were that easy to manipulate the minds of the minions into believing in idiotic assumptions...hell I have a few ideas myself...I hear sucking c**k makes you smarter...FREE testing for air headed individuals of the female persuasion...I've actually been told using mine for your oral exercises will provide you with a wealth of information that would make the three wise men weep!!!
