The yo-yo was originally a weapon in the Philippines...
Well now ya know...cat's outta the bag...the real reason we got involved in the South Pacific during WWII...apparently the further away from actual civilization a culture is...the deeper the well of incestuous ideas...I mean what else explains it...NOBODY else looked at the yo-yo and thought...WOW MOM thanks for the loaded weapon...NOW I have the advantage over...who...what...other kids that don't have yo-yos...animals that can't run for their lives...I mean WTF were ya thinkin'...Philippino Kung Fu...know why you've NEVER heard of it...because some dumbass thought using toys as tools of torture was a good idea...I had one of those wooden paddles with a rubber ball stapled to it when I was younger...didn't see me runnin the streets tryin to put the Smack Down on anybody didja...NO...and ya know why??? Because I know a damn toy when I see one...seriously...how did they think they were going to defend themselves with a had piece of plastic retrievable by a tightly wound string...what were they gonna...'Rock the Cradle'...somebody to death... just when ya think you've heard it all...up pops a peanut munchin pork belly from the pacific island of the Philippines that just makes ya wanna run around slobberin' while pissin your pants...just to know what it feels like to be that damn stupid...I mean holy crap I've heard of some pretty weird crap regarding the evolution of weaponary...but a yo-yo is a yo-yo...its slightly more dangerous than a slinky...if you let somebody give you a BOO-BOO with a yo-yo...or a slinky for that matter...shove your head in the toilet and flush repeatedly...you NO longer deserve to walk among the erect earthlings ya damn mush melon...where do you come up with an idea like the yo-yo weapon...and how pray tell do you market this deadly item...I'm NOT kiddin'...who bought this damn thing thinkin they could inflict pain or serious bodily injury...I mean common sense says that a 5 year old kid with a pocketful of rocks and a weeks worth of time behind a slingshot has the upper hand on your dumb yo-yo totin' ass...the yo-yo as a weapon is only useful in close combat situations...and even then it has not pointed projectile or sharpened edge...it's a damn yo-yo...round in nature and normally made of plastic or wood...however I suppose one milled out of metal if they looked hard enough...so what possible damage could it inflict...bruising...have ya ever tried to sling a yo-yo at somebody with any accuracy...it's impossible unless you sneak up and hit them unexpectedly...if they can see it coming they can normally avoid it by taking a few steps backwards...unless of course they happen to be a kangaroo or an emu...in which case...David the yo-yo slayer is probably gonna have your ass for dinner NO matter how big you are...damn it...I'm sorry...that story was from the Philistines...NOT the Philippines...but same idea...I've known quite a few Philippino people in my life...and NOT once has any of them ever looked me in the eye and said...'Today you die...Duncan or Wham-O...choose your weapon'...nor did they appear to possess the killer instinct and talent one would assume should be present in any member of the underground death squad known as the Yo-Yo Yakuza...I don't know about you folks...but if I'm ever in the Philippines and somebody tries to carjack me with a damn yo-yo Imma hold onto the string and drive away...this is probably directly responsible for the failed Philippino Inter Stellar Space Program Orbiting Outer Regions...or P.I.S.S.P.O.O.R. as it is commonly called in global communities...kinda hard to compete with countries that are launching satellites and shuttles into space to conduct research...when all you have is a fistful of damp bottle rockets...even the best ones are incapable of escaping the earths gravitational forces...much like the failed yo-yo weapon of yore...they tend to come crashing back close to a location they were launched from...proper protective gear...including a drool bib...should be used by all those unfamiliar with their function or intended use...helmets and goggles are also available in matching colors for the fashion conscious feeble minded yo-yo flingin' Philippino foot soldier...place your orders ahead of time and get a nice bottomless paper sack for the Halloween season...if stupid is as stupid does...then showing up to a cock slinging contest armed with a yo-yo...is sure to get more than a few chuckles...ya might wanna leave the real fighting to those that have established a military presence on your little rock...could keep ya from bein' somebody elses underwear washers!!!
