A person uses approximately 57 sheets of toilet paper each and every day...
Well now...what have we here...a half hearted attempt and taking care of the travesties associated with turd cutting toilet procedures...57 sheets of toilet paper as an average daily usage amount contains some pretty compelling information regardless of whether or not the actual tidbit is true...there are several problems with this poop paper pundits proclamation of daily use for removing the nasty black hole denizens left behind when the original tear drops from the brown eye were deposited...for one thing people use the bathroom at different times and for different reasons...WOMEN use more toilet paper than men...on a daily basis...can't pee standin' up without getting your thighs wet now can ya...NOPE...and the only way to do it on the porcelain pedestal is to drip dry...and I'm sure many of us know what that results in...the ancient and offensive smell of Granny Panties that have been worn to long...that foul stench ya getta whiff of when grandma comes to dinner wearing three day old depends cuz she's trying to save on the water bill...so this tidbit is misleading if NOTHING else...since MEN tend to use significantly less TP on a regular basis...the other problem with the toilet paper principle is that we all have different bathroom schedules...I for one have different schedules on a daily basis which are significantly impacted by the stuff I shove into my body for nutritional purposes...some of it agrees with me...some of it acts like a cat in a burlap bag being carried to the river...fighting from the word 'GO'...trying to find a way out...before I can bury it in a watery grave...medical conditions also play a part in the equation as several people are affected annually with conditions that result in the necessity of carrying a colostomy bag...these people use very little toilet paper...unless they haphazardly empty their carry-all compartment...there are some people...that use the bathroom ONCE a day...after backing sh*t up since dawn...they tend to use significantly more than 57 sheets in a single sitting...at least the one in my house does...and apparently they lack the knowledge of properly using a plunger...how do I know they use more than 57 sheets in a single sitting...because I place a new roll on the holder when needed and it vanishes after they have spent more time in there than man ever did on the moon...hell there are times I get caught in the precarious position of wishing I had grabbed a spare roll on the way in to do my duty...there are days when 57 sheets is just the tip of the ice berg...been that way since I had my gall bladder removed...the other problem with this little tidbit stems from different manufacturing processes...some make single ply toilet paper...the type that permits digital penetration under the best of circumstances...57 sheets of this kinda toilet paper is likely to leave more of ya sh*tty than clean and carefree...then there are those that make a 2-ply paper product for the porcelain poop palace...this doubles the amount of toilet paper being used to 114 sheets...but that is of little concern for those that do NOT want to fumble a finger thru the folded wad and into the flue of their intestinal chimney...there are even some that make a triple ply product...creating a toilet paper parade of 171 sheets...these rolls of toilet paper barely fit on the holder without needing an excavation of the bathroom wall directly behind the holder...this stuff is so soft it makes ya feel like your ass is wrapped in clouds...so ya see...there are several different aspects associated with wiping sh*t off the entrance to the epidermal opening where caca cascades from...honestly it doesn't really matter to me how much toilet paper is being used in a single sitting...leave the crap catcher in the condition you found it in...and we won't have any issues...but if I hafta hop up at half past three in the morning and spend several minutes unclogging the commode before I can take a seat and kick up my feet...somebody may wind up cleanin' sh*i off my shoes and the surrounding floor...I for one have NEVER understood the penchant for porcelain potty producers to continue using old archaic methods of manufacturing...toilets are built with these nifty little things called TRAPS...which are put in place to prevent noxious fumes from the underlying sewer to penetrate and permeate the air we breathe in our homes...these TRAPS occasionally live up to their names and prevent poop paper products from traveling in the much desired direction...crazy when ya think about it really...ya NEVER see plungers in the the bathrooms of airplanes now do ya...NOR are they present in travel trailers or motor homes...which use a closed door platform at the bottom of the potty...thereby eliminating any clogging or permeating perfumes better suited for Pepe LePew...and yet here we are still facing the same problems associated with using paper products in plumbing components designed to carry off the caca...I know what most of you are thinkin'...but Kevin...every time ya flush the toilet won't that allow the noxious gases to rise into the house...NO...take a look at your roof line when you get home tonight...see those things sticking out of the top of the roof...those are called VENTS...and they are a very essential part of the sewage fume removal system...well at least one of them is...more if ya have two bathrooms...ya know why we haven't made significant progress in revamping the caca castle??? Because if we did that we would create more JOBS...while simultaneously deleting certain jobs around the world...plumbers and plunger producing manufacturing plants would either go out of business altogether...or they would be much like the Maytag Man...always there and NEVER needed!!!
