SHITTY!!! SHITTY!!! SHITTY!!!

Ohio Ordinance #223 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses...

Now that's just a turdable idea...I would prefer an ordinance prohibiting the installation and usage of terribly graded toilet paper...ya know the kind that ya need a whole roll of just to wipe your ass without puncturing the surface and endin up with dirty digits...at least with slot machines a don't hafta worry about them failing to accomplish the job they were designed and intended for...ya might not win anything...but then again ya won't lose a finger diggin' around for that errant piece of paper that keeps tryin' to crawl up deeper into the hairy ass crack...don't sit there shakin' your head...you know what the hell I'm talkin' about...especially if ya don't take the time to shave those regions...ya nasty cave dwellin' neanderthal...I mean what was the purpose behind abolishing slot machines from outhouses...was somebody putting the coins in the WRONG slots...I could see where that might cause a problem...I can also see a problem with the thought of installing them in the first place...because let's be honest...I don't care if it's a brand new plastic poop palace...or an old wooden one that gets moved over a different hole from time to time...if you've ever been in one of these caca chili shack shithouses...you know that the last thing runnin' thru your feeble like foul smellin' mind is droppin coins in a slot machine...you're probably more likely tryin' to figure out the fastest way out of your current situation with the least amount of TPR as possible...for those of you who don't know what TPR stands for it's Toilet Paper Resistance...a rating established to determine the finger puncturing performance of said shit rag...the higher the TPR the less chance of breakin' on through to the nether side...the lower the TPR the greater the chance of having to explain that discoloration beneath your fingernails...NOW...lookin at this from a business angle...if I were an owner of a company that provided outhouse facilities in the Ohio area I would capitalize on this little tidbit of information and be damn near as rich as any casino owner in Vegas...(I know what you're thinkin'...how on Earth could you use this information to turn a profit)...it's simple actually...you hafta read the DETAILS of the tidbit...it specifically states that it prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines IN outhouses...says NOTHIN' about installing and using them OUTSIDE the outhouse...so you attach the slot machines to the OUTSIDE of the door and ya padlock the door...anyone wanting to use the facility hasta put the right denomination of coins in the slot and pull the handle til three purple pieces of poop hit the pay line...at which time a jackpot of keys tumbles out into the little drop tray and they get to do the...'I really gotta PEE right now' dance until they locate the key that fits the padlock...MONEY...MONEY...MONEY...that's the problem with outhouse operators...the fog that floats through their minds on a daily basis is clouded with crappy ideas...they can't seem to think outside the stool...I don't know about the rest of you folks...but slot machines or not...my lily white ass prefers to poop out in the woods when I can...NOT really embarrassed about it either...I'll pinch a loaf or open the fecal matter flood gates anywhere there isn't sufficient indoor plumbing...because there are far less chances and risks involved with taking a shit right out in the woods than there is by entering one of these enclosed keeper crappers...the respiratory ailments alone are enough to gag a full grown bloated maggot...let alone the nostrils and olfactory senses of the human being...I mean seriously...was this such a problem that outhouses were overcrowded with shitty gamblers...that they hadta pass a law preventing people from poopin and playin a game for profit...I mean come on...are people that damn dumb that they hafta be told to vacate the shitter for slot machines with better payouts...I mean seriously...how bad can things be for ya if your supllemental income comes from playin' slots in a plasticized shit shack!!!