ya know I hafta laugh when I see laws of this nature...I hafta sit back and wonder to myself... what caused the legislature in Oklahoma to pass such a bill into law...were there an abundance of idiot Oklahomans runnin around grabbin up fish and forcing them to drink alcohol...was it considered a right of passage such as cow-tipping...or ring-n-run...prank phone calls and stuff of that sort...or has the legislative body in Oklahoma been secretly keeping tabs on yours truly and his blog entries...finally coming to the conclusion they would not support ridiculous scientific studies of the effects of alcohol on fish??? Or perhaps this tidbit holds a grammatical error...the addition of a word that does not appear in the actual letter of the law...see if we remove the word "get" from the sentence above...the law would then make a little more sense...or if you remove the word "fish" then one could see where the law might be on the books in dry counties around the kingdom of Oklahoma...and to be honest with ya I don't really understand this law...fishing and drinking go hand in hand in the southern states...how do ya think we come across all those stories that begin with..."Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." we rely on the inherent abilities of hillbillies and rednecks to provide us with the humor needed to get by in our otherwise mundane daily lives...hell it happens even up here in the great white tundra of northern Michigan...why I have relatives who are locally famous for their expeditions during hunting and fishing seasons...NOT because they land the biggest trophy animals and fish for the year...but because of the things they BUILD to accomplish such tasks...one of my Uncles erected an aerial hunting blind that has been mistaken...on more than one occasion...for a DNR Forest Ranger lookout tower...this thing is so enormous it can be seen from satellites circling overhead...hell you can probably find it on Google maps...the platform for this hunting haven breaks through low lying cloud cover...suffice to say that hunting from said high rise hacienda requires the intricate knowledge and abilities more commonly associated with snipers...you hafta be able to read and adjust for windage... the coriolis effect...spin drift and bullet drop...hell with the right magnification you can hunt the shores of Wisconsin from this thing...and they didn't STOP there...another of my relatives...from the same lineage mind you...constructed a pontoon boat that one could ONLY liken to the missing artifact from the show Beverly Hillbillies...a double decker flotation device complete with hammocks and enough added weight...just launching this thing into the water without tipping it over or sinking it was a challenge that shoulda been annotated in one of the Guinness Book of World Records...amazing feats of ingenuity...perhaps...I often wait to hear what they are going to do next...because NOTHING beats walking around a small town having the familiar associates of the village stop you on the street and begin a conversation with..."Hey did you see what your (insert family member here) did?"...It is the highlight of my afternoon...but seriously...I am NOT above my blood sharing relatives...for I also do things that would probably make entertaining YouTube videos if NOTHING else...and often without taking the time to consider what might happen...the difference is I do them on a small enough scale as to remain unnoticed by the surrounding community...why just the other day I found myself standing outside with an ice hoe trying to knock 6" thick sections of ice from the roof of my house that were overhanging the eave by about a foot...NOTHING wrong with that right??? Until you realize you are standing there in a pair of Joe Boxer sleeping shorts and a pair of flip flops...NOT the best attire to make a rapid get-away from aforementioned sheets of falling ice...thankfully I was able to escape any serious injury...personally I don't see the problem with getting fish drunk...I mean it's completely up to you...but there are easier ways to marinate fish in an alcoholic concoction...without appearing dumber than the fish itself...there's probably even a few recipes you could find on the internet...you know that funny little TV looking thing you can't figure out how to use because it doesn't have a fish finder on it...that nifty little device could save you some embarrassment on your next outdoor endeavors...I suggest getting a third grader to help you navigate one of these technological tools...they appear to have the upper hand in the intelligence of the internet marketplace...I swear...each and every damn day I grow to abhor the assinine advances of technology...I mean seriously...isn't the whole purpose of these damn things to make life easier...I can't even use photoshop anymore because every time they come out with an upgrade half the shit you were used to now requires 40 more steps to accomplish...I woulda thought by now the damn things would be able to read your thoughts and respond accordingly...and don't even get me started on Search Engines...what a crock of shit...who was the illegitimate prodigy that came up with these godawful contraptions...how damn hard can it be to give me results pages with the EXACT WORD FOR WORD SEARCH CRITERIA I ENTERED??? When I type in "Northern Michigan Redneck Inventions"...why does the first results page contain a laundry list of pages with those 4 words listed anywhere within the website...such as a listing titled "How gods come to be" with a snippet that informs me the page contains "Neo-American Redneck Buddhist; Location: Frozen Northern Michigan near Thunder Bay...invention is one of the later stages of creation"...is that what the hell I was looking for...there should be maybe 3 pages total listed on the return...we don't have an abundance of inbred redneck hillbillies up here...why would we need 400 pages of results that have NOTHING to do with the original search criteria...and the problem isn't just with major search engines...for my job I hafta scour free photo websites to find images to attach to the things I write or edit for others...for the love of god...when I type in a specific search criteria give me what the hell I want...even YouTube...good lord...I know the name of the band...I know the name of the song...when I enter it into the search window...what on Earth pray tell...sends the signal that I want to see EACH AND EVERY damn video copied...with a shaky...grainy replication of the original video...recorded with a piece of shit camera from a 90's style cell phone...give me the damn original video...the one shot for the song...by the band...recorded by a professional...if I wanted to listen to crappy replications of the original I would have asked for them in the first place...it can't be that difficult...I enter KEYWORDS in a specific order..return results of the same description...when I go to a big box store and cannot find what I am looking for...I approach a representative of said establishment...I then politely ask them if they could point me in the direction of said desired item...for instance..."Excuse me ma'am...could you please tell me where I might be able to locate a copy of the DVD "Sleeping With The Enemy?"...do you think for one minute they drag me to the bedding department...or to the gun section of the sporting goods section...NO...because that is NOT what I am after...the same should apply to operating effectively in the realm of cyberspace...and here's the rub...IDK when this law was passed in the fabulous free wheeling fish intoxicating environs of Oklahoma...but apparently it was prior to the invention of the internet...since the most relevant answers received during research indicate that the majority of fish found on the planet are incapable of getting drunk...the introduction of alcohol...it would appear...has a highly lethal effect on the fish found on this planet...it KILLS them...at least according to most of the accounts I spent less than 30 seconds reading...which...if I am NOT mistaken seems to be the end result of undertaking a fishing expedition in the first damn place...because lemme tell you...this whole catch and release philosophy is just retarded...it's like going to the damn grocery store...loading a shopping cart full of products...standing in line for hours at checkout...paying for all items...then spending the rest of the afternoon running around the store placing everything back in it's proper place on the shelf...the whole catch and release concept derived from piss poor fishermen relating stories of the monster they caught and returned to the deep...perhaps the patrons of Oklahoma need to brush up on their biblical studies...as it would appear that Jesus himself was fond of converting water into wine and having fishes and loaves night...stands to reason he was wise to the demise of getting fish drunk!!!
