AHHH-CHUUUU!!!

If it were possible to sneeze with your eyes open, they would pop out of their sockets...

I have absolutely NO doubt that every bit of this is true...as a matter of fact I would be quite surprised if it wasn't...having seen several people experience this anomaly...and having gone through it a time or two myself...I can attest to the momentary unconscious feeling...associated with blasting nasal waste...at speeds equaling that of the fabled tachyon...for I myself have often marveled at the distance one can launch nasal nuggets with a simple blast from the old beak...wondering how on Earth that kid sitting 10 rows in front of me at the movie theater felt that on the back of his neck...or how the poor lady 2 aisles over at the grocery store has a light misting on her spectacles that now require immediate attention...hell there've been a coupla times I wasn't sure I'd even regain the sense of vision...stumbling around like Helen Keller looking for a leanin' post...and I've seen others lay waste with the dense dew drops of the nasal passage...it seems those with the Bunker Buster...Jimmy Durante style facial cannons cause the most damage...they're able to remove toupee's and wigs from across the room...ruffle the feathers of a peacock at 40 paces...and part the asshairs of a well-matted Sasquatch at point blank range...I hate havin' to sneeze...ya never know if it's gonna be one of the fully functional...fly...be free...fire and forget types...or if it's gonna be the kind that ends up with a  wet charge and a back firin' fiasco...leavin' half the shot danglin' by a thread...and no matter how hard you try to stay tilted forward...one finger on the unaffected barrel...blowing til your veins pop out on your forehead...the damn thing just isn't going to co-operate...you know you're gonna hafta send in the five finger death squad to finish off the job and pull that loose wadding from the mouth of the cannon...some people have more violent episodes of ejection than others...my brother for instance...in his younger days...required nasal cauterization procedures to keep from damn near bleeding to death every time he sneezed...well it wasn't that bad...but it seemed like it at the time...that kid got a bloody nose if he turned his head too quick...sneezing was a very colorful event until they figured out the problem...hell we couldn't leave the house without 2 rolls of toilet paper and a couple hand towels...a box of wet wipes and a change of clothes for the poor kid...the one time we did...Mom pulled into a KFC and made me go inside and steal wet naps and a roll of paper towels...that's where I learned the advantages of one stop shopping...(I'm kidding people...as far as I know...the only sin my Mother is guilty of is SNORING...she's keepin' me up right now as a matter of fact...some 200+ miles away)...but seriously...as far as snot slingers go...my favorite ones are those that try to contain it...they cover their faces with their hands and let that shit fly...are you f**kin' kiddin' me...whaddaya do NOW dumbass...I'd rather take my chances with the old spray and pray method...Let it spray...and pray it doesn't hit anyone...(I know what your thinkin'...Kevin...you sick bastard...how could you just sneeze in public...let it hit other people...and act like NOTHING happened???)...because I learn NEW shit everyday too people...I don't just share this with you for your own entertainment...well...yeah I do...but there are times where it's advantageous to pay attention to detail...re-read the tidbit...what does it tell you???  That you CAN'T sneeze with your eyes open...physically impossible without risking eye popping paralysis...SO what does that MEAN???  It means that if I sneeze...my eyes have to be closed...if my eyes are closed...I can't see...if I can't see...I can't be affected by what others told me happened because I didn't actually witness it...If I didn't witness it I have reasonable doubt that it really happened...somebody could be lying to me...ya NEVER know...isn't that what Defense lawyerin' is all about...half those piranha's are born with a Pinocchio Complex...capable of sneezing half a state away by the age of five...once they're thru law school they can create hurricanes in the North Atlantic from as far away as Australia...or how about the dainty ones...who tr to hold it in...they make that little...zzzint sound...when they sneeze...and half their body looks like it had a seizure til they snap back out of it...take a look around at the people close to ya...some of them pose absolutely NO threat...they'd rather experience an aortal aneurysm than subject you to schnozz spread...some on the other hand will require an umbrella...rain suit...or full chem gear...BE PREPARED!!!