Title 14, Sec. 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations makes it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestials or their vehicles...
Apparently this only applies if you know how to read above the 3rd grade level and don't reside in a state south of the Mason-Dixon line...notice it doesn't stipulate ramifications revolving around abductions and subsequent Bubba-sicle producing anal probing procedures...this is one of those laws that just doesn't make sense...a government that denies any type of alien intervention in human history...finds it necessary to enact a law forbidding the practice of interstellar species interaction...I wonder...did they ever STOP to consider that a life form possessing the intelligence to utilize galaxy gliding space travel...more than likely also has the potential to manufacture machines that possess the awesome power of teleportation...you know...that awesome ability that allows Kirk and the rest of the 'Away Team' to beam about the universe at will...penalties for violating the "Extra-Terrestial Exposure Law" could include imprisonment for up to 1 year...and a $5000.00 fine...NOT too mention being quarantined without a hearing by NASA or it's administrators...proof once again that my theory was right with regards to the Moon Landing mock-up...because if we had touched down on a planet...or hunk of orbiting space junk...everyone in NASA should have been arrested...astronauts included...once a projectile leaves the atmosphere of this planet...it becomes extra-terrestial by definition...operation above and outside the law however...is still reserved for those in positions of power within the U.S. government...what is it they expect an individual to do if they are to encounter a UFO or alien life form...gently but firmly explain...from a predetermined distance...the illegalities involved with such interaction...gonna be kinda hard to get little Gary the Grey to stop poking around in my posterior just because the clusterf**ks in control of my country think it's a bad idea to be taken against my will by a lifeform with far greater intellectual capacity than myself...is there a Help Hotline we can call...and if so why isn't it as popular as 911...and for my own comfort and peace of mind...please enlighten me as to what they intend to do to the offending aliens...will they be locked up at the local PD...how will you enforce a fine upon them...as far as I am aware we haven't yet developed the necessary currency exchange to enable such enforcement of financially mandated fines...maybe they should concentrate on actually enforcing this E.T. Exposure Law...instead of just puttin it on the books...it would sure quiet down the poop-chute probing community in a quick hurry...think I'm jokin'...you try obtaining legal counsel capable of mounting a defense argument that stipulates you were simply devastated by the digital desires of an alien life form...gonna be damn hard explaining to your friends...family..and co-workers how your picture ended up in the paper accompanying a paragraph titled..."UFO occupier gets 'fingered' for $5000.00"...and here's the real kick in the ass...if another life form does visit our big blue marble someday...and we fail to make contact...the future of our advancement as a species relies solely on the stupidity of several civilian sectors within our current goverment...pretty bleak prognosis for us as a people...wouldn't you agree??? Seriously...if I even think I've witnessed an avenue of escape...extra-terrestial or otherwise...I'll be the first one bolting out the door and booking safe passage...because here's the thing...even if they reject me due to being so anally retentive you couldn't ram an unsoaked strand of spaghetti up there with a shoehorn and a sledge hammer...I would project an attitude of arrogance...fear of the unknown would keep these idiots from imprisoning me or imposing a fine...and there's a chance that me being first would ruin it for the rest...10 minutes with me on board and they'd have those assholes in office shovelling Sasquatch shit on the south side of Saturn...this little law...speaks volumes about the illogical intellect sought out by institutions of corruption during the hiring process...apparently one of the examples on the entrance exam for governmental job hunters requires the individual applying to draw an object which resembles a box...because if you can't draw the damn thing you damn sure can't think outside of it...which immediately qualifies you for consideration in the upper echelons of employment opportunities...this type of turdulent thinking is what has been and always will be wrong with this country...and it isn't selectively secluded to the government sector...people desperately need to educate themselves above and beyond what is currently available academically in this country...the common citizen hasn't a clue that half the shit our government is involved in is illegal...either on an individual or international level...we won't even mention their interstellar imprisonment issues...to say I am displeased with the performance of our politicians is an understatement equivalent to saying a constipated elephant has an ingrown hair up it's ass...I abhor this kind of ignorance...especially in individuals who have a direct hand in the progress of our nation as a whole...wanna know when the Senate has the countries best interest at heart...when it's out of session..."A free people ought not only be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government"...George Washington said that...and he helped form the first faction of government on these shores...altho the language of the day was far inferior to what we have today...our forefathers fought for freedom...they didn't impose ill thought out injustice upon the commonwealth or it's citizens...the MISINTERPRETERS are the ones guilty of that...the E.T. Exposure Law was supposedly enacted to protect the civilian citizens of this country...the Federal Government feared that an individual might come in contact with one of our own early space program components...a capsule...a section of seperated rocket...and since this item may have an unknown extra-terrestial bacteria on it...a world wide epidemic was quite possible...they then went on to launch several missions into space...with the foresight to land these returning vessels at sea...in the water...an element deemed absolutely...100%...without a shred of doubt necessary...to maintain life as we know it...the only difference between our government and those it fears is...ours has mastered the art of covertness...we are one of the most restrictive countries claiming freedom...I mean WTF...if we were truly a country that allowed its constituents the affordability of freedom don't you think we should have a say in whether or NOT we wanna be allowed to frollick thru the forest foraging for unfound UFO's??? This law itself provides all the proof necessary that things are NOT what they seem here in the good ol' U.S. of A. It prevents privatization of space travel by individuals who might otherwise have the financial resources to undergo such an excursion...they are absolutely terrified that somebody might have the technological capabilities to advance colonization of other planets...and that given their overall track record we would all vacate this planet in hopes of forging a far better future on a distant frontier...leaving them all behind to find REAL jobs instead of sucking the life out of everyone thru unnecessary and illegal tax policies...I'm sure there are those among you who think I'm just being cute and humorous...far from it...our government fears one thing...and one thing only...the obliteration of the illusion known as control...once they lose it...all bets are off...the history of humanity throughout the ages suggests being a member of a corrupt government institution at the time of it being overthrown...doesn't bode too well for the bastards in question...it's sad really...when the only thing nice you have to say about your 'elected' officials is that they'd look better with their heads in a basket...and if Hollywood has it right...which they all too often do...when it comes to what the future holds when taking into account interstellar species interacting... chances are probably pretty damn good extra-terrestial life has already developed the most feared anomaly faced by the cast of the Enterprise...the Kling-on Cloaking Device...and they are parked outside on the White House lawn as we speak...which can only mean one thing...Class-Action Confinement... round them all up and quarantine them...they made the rule...let them live by it...I'll see everyone of them convicted to the fullest extent of the law in the Court of Kevin's Opinion...I intend to use the same illogical...illegitimate...ignorance they implored in enacting this ill-advised ass wrangling regulation...Guilty by Theory of Invisibility...which states...as I'm writing it now..."If you cannot prove something doesn't exist...it therefore must exist...and since you can't see it...plausible deniability is unacceptable as an argument" (Is that thunder I hear off in the distance...or has there been another THUMPING!)
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
02/29/12
The ashes of an average cremated person weighs 9 lbs...
Really??? I see we have a new candidate for carryin' their common sense around in a colostomy bag...let's see what happens when I activate my new Idiot Indicator...>>>...nope NOT over there...<<<...nope NOT over that way either...^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^...oh look...there they are...I hate to be the only one capable of pointing out the facts disputing this claim...but alas...if NOT for me...then who??? What...pray tell...dear author of the assinine assumptions...constitutes an 'average' person...in terms of eligibility for cremation consideration...far too often people of this mindwarping magnitude misrepresent procedural processes when pontificating their pointless attempts to further educate those they consider intellectually inferior...one simple word discredits this dipshits theory on alloted weight measurements associated with ash following containment in the crematorium...CASKETS...those lovely little things made out of WOOD...and what does wood create when subjected to the properties of fire??? ASH...that's right...don't be shy...(extra credit for those who participate...and by the looks of it...there should be so many hands flailing around in the air...I start believing humans can fly)...the bones that are left behind are ground into a powder...let's call it...NOTASH...it is then mixed with the 'ash' and offered in an urn...it is this NOTASH that provides most of the weight one receives as a remembrance...I've often marvelled at the complexities of the human race and the rituals it incorporates into daily life...or afterlife if you will...for instance...Why is it that we feel compelled to keep our dead close at hand??? When you stop for a second to consider funeral proceedings...or cremation processes...they don't make a damn bit of sense when compared to what we do while we are alive...What do we do...on a daily basis...when we are thru with things...when they no longer serve a functional purpose??? We throw them away...or we recycle them...don't we??? (I know what some of you are thinking...'Well we can't just go throwin' dead bodies into garbage cans'...and right you would be...it would scare the hell outta the neighbors)...but seriously...we bury or burn our deceased...and then for some reason...unbeknownst to me...we find it necessary to physically visit the site of our dear departed in order to converse with them...altho all relative scientific studies support the notion...they can NO longer hear us...answer us...or interact with us...I find this to be the one area human evolution has NOT progressed in...it is an ancient archaic method of morbid rememberance...that has been catalogued throughout our history...I think it's about time to change some of these practices...bring them up to speed with the century we find ourselves wading thru...I don't wanna be buried in some hole six feet deep...NOR do I wish to be cremated...my own personal preference is to be STUFFED...that's right...and NOT just stuffed...seperated and stuffed...and then sewn back together...that way you can pick a new pose on a daily basis...have some fun with it...stand me in the cereal aisle of the local grocery store...dress me up as the guy on the LIFE cereal box...hang a sign around my neck...'LIFE...you can't get to where I am without it'...maybe NOT the best advertising slogan...but HEY it's a new system...bound to hit a few snags here and there...I think it would be entertaining to say the least...what with the technology we have today...you could retrofit my corpse with a squawkbox where my sphincter used to be...complete with some of my all time favorite phrases...that way every time some simple minded...stud muffin of stupidity...finds it necessary to open their garbage spewing gullet...and spit forth half thought out ideas that signify their undying ineptitude...you just sit them in a chair directly in front of me...lift my left leg...and out will fly funny shit faster than a fart in a funnel cloud...you know...there's a hunting season for everything but Ignorant Individuals...and after witnessing the other life forms in the animal kingdom...I hafta ask...WHY IS THAT??? Every other species in the known universe...rids itself of the idiots among them...either by Selective Survival methods...or just Absolute Abandonment...the slow ones get left behind for somethin' elses supper...now I'm not suggesting we go cannibal on the kids who can't keep up in the common sense category...but for f**ks sake...we don't hafta keep supporting them...draggin' them along thru life...do we??? I mean how hard can it be...send them to the store...change the locks...shut the door...quick...clean...simple...and safe...I have an idea on how we can quiet down all the Global Warming goombahs...lemme design windmills that slap the shit outta stupid people...get enough of these things in operation and they'll cool the Earth's crust so quickly we'll all be living in igloos by 2020...Einstein once proposed that humans as a race...utilize 20% of the brains capabilities individually...and I have NO doubt he was right...GENIUS...HELLO...however even someone with the genius level of logical thinking one often attributes to Mr. Einstein...he too was capable of incorrect calculations...now if we take Einstein as an example of an individual who operates at full functional capacity...thereby taking every advantage of the entire 20% currently available to us intellectually...it stands to reason that there are those among us who function at a level less than 20%...myself included...I'm guessin' right around the15-17%...wouldn't it stand to reason my counterpart in the collective conscience operates at the outstanding average of 3-5%??? I have a theory of my own...wanna hear it??? I thought you might...so here it goes...1 out of 5 people operates at or above 10%...that means...(the 'ash'hole author of errant arithmetic surrounding the subject of NOTASH included)...4 out of 5 people should probably use eye protection when eating with a fork!!!
Really??? I see we have a new candidate for carryin' their common sense around in a colostomy bag...let's see what happens when I activate my new Idiot Indicator...>>>...nope NOT over there...<<<...nope NOT over that way either...^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^...oh look...there they are...I hate to be the only one capable of pointing out the facts disputing this claim...but alas...if NOT for me...then who??? What...pray tell...dear author of the assinine assumptions...constitutes an 'average' person...in terms of eligibility for cremation consideration...far too often people of this mindwarping magnitude misrepresent procedural processes when pontificating their pointless attempts to further educate those they consider intellectually inferior...one simple word discredits this dipshits theory on alloted weight measurements associated with ash following containment in the crematorium...CASKETS...those lovely little things made out of WOOD...and what does wood create when subjected to the properties of fire??? ASH...that's right...don't be shy...(extra credit for those who participate...and by the looks of it...there should be so many hands flailing around in the air...I start believing humans can fly)...the bones that are left behind are ground into a powder...let's call it...NOTASH...it is then mixed with the 'ash' and offered in an urn...it is this NOTASH that provides most of the weight one receives as a remembrance...I've often marvelled at the complexities of the human race and the rituals it incorporates into daily life...or afterlife if you will...for instance...Why is it that we feel compelled to keep our dead close at hand??? When you stop for a second to consider funeral proceedings...or cremation processes...they don't make a damn bit of sense when compared to what we do while we are alive...What do we do...on a daily basis...when we are thru with things...when they no longer serve a functional purpose??? We throw them away...or we recycle them...don't we??? (I know what some of you are thinking...'Well we can't just go throwin' dead bodies into garbage cans'...and right you would be...it would scare the hell outta the neighbors)...but seriously...we bury or burn our deceased...and then for some reason...unbeknownst to me...we find it necessary to physically visit the site of our dear departed in order to converse with them...altho all relative scientific studies support the notion...they can NO longer hear us...answer us...or interact with us...I find this to be the one area human evolution has NOT progressed in...it is an ancient archaic method of morbid rememberance...that has been catalogued throughout our history...I think it's about time to change some of these practices...bring them up to speed with the century we find ourselves wading thru...I don't wanna be buried in some hole six feet deep...NOR do I wish to be cremated...my own personal preference is to be STUFFED...that's right...and NOT just stuffed...seperated and stuffed...and then sewn back together...that way you can pick a new pose on a daily basis...have some fun with it...stand me in the cereal aisle of the local grocery store...dress me up as the guy on the LIFE cereal box...hang a sign around my neck...'LIFE...you can't get to where I am without it'...maybe NOT the best advertising slogan...but HEY it's a new system...bound to hit a few snags here and there...I think it would be entertaining to say the least...what with the technology we have today...you could retrofit my corpse with a squawkbox where my sphincter used to be...complete with some of my all time favorite phrases...that way every time some simple minded...stud muffin of stupidity...finds it necessary to open their garbage spewing gullet...and spit forth half thought out ideas that signify their undying ineptitude...you just sit them in a chair directly in front of me...lift my left leg...and out will fly funny shit faster than a fart in a funnel cloud...you know...there's a hunting season for everything but Ignorant Individuals...and after witnessing the other life forms in the animal kingdom...I hafta ask...WHY IS THAT??? Every other species in the known universe...rids itself of the idiots among them...either by Selective Survival methods...or just Absolute Abandonment...the slow ones get left behind for somethin' elses supper...now I'm not suggesting we go cannibal on the kids who can't keep up in the common sense category...but for f**ks sake...we don't hafta keep supporting them...draggin' them along thru life...do we??? I mean how hard can it be...send them to the store...change the locks...shut the door...quick...clean...simple...and safe...I have an idea on how we can quiet down all the Global Warming goombahs...lemme design windmills that slap the shit outta stupid people...get enough of these things in operation and they'll cool the Earth's crust so quickly we'll all be living in igloos by 2020...Einstein once proposed that humans as a race...utilize 20% of the brains capabilities individually...and I have NO doubt he was right...GENIUS...HELLO...however even someone with the genius level of logical thinking one often attributes to Mr. Einstein...he too was capable of incorrect calculations...now if we take Einstein as an example of an individual who operates at full functional capacity...thereby taking every advantage of the entire 20% currently available to us intellectually...it stands to reason that there are those among us who function at a level less than 20%...myself included...I'm guessin' right around the15-17%...wouldn't it stand to reason my counterpart in the collective conscience operates at the outstanding average of 3-5%??? I have a theory of my own...wanna hear it??? I thought you might...so here it goes...1 out of 5 people operates at or above 10%...that means...(the 'ash'hole author of errant arithmetic surrounding the subject of NOTASH included)...4 out of 5 people should probably use eye protection when eating with a fork!!!
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