and this my friends...should give everyone cause for concern when somebody utters those famous words..."When in Rome...do as the Romans"...it should also provide you with the fuel to debate and debunk such logic...I know I intend to use this information to my advantage...I'll carry a pack of gum...tic-tacs...and maybe even a little bottle of mouthwash just for such occasion...and the next time I hear anyone say those words I'll offer them one of the above items...or the contents of a colostomy bag...whichever they prefer in order to eliminate that foul mouth...piss pump perfume...emanating from their oral orifice...perhaps if they had the advantage of global travel at the time they coulda combined with those hogs hair brush heathens of Asia Major...I don't get the logic of using urine to brush your teeth...didn't these dumbasses realize that if we were intended to drink or use our own urine for oral purification purposes it would have a recognizable or enjoyable flavor to it...it's a hot liquid...normally ejected at temperatures close to if NOT exactly comparative to that of the body they are being expelled from...WHAT...about that little fact...compelled Roman doctors to promote it as a useful product for cleaning out the crusties from the cavity collector...I don't even like takin' a piss when I'm drunk...and splashin' it on my shoes...let alone thinkin' of applyin' it to my toothbrush...I mean seriously...this sounds more like an orgical fetish than an actual proven method of scrubbin' the gums...there's a very valid and significant reason we do NOT use urine as a substitute for other liquid applications...it's because the majority of the planet is covered in WATER...a viable resource for any internal consumption or utilization...without WATER life would cease to exist...people wouldn't have attained the necessary evolution procedures to manufacture a pint of piss to brush theur teeth with or anything else..I'm morbidly curious as to what they did with the other waste material that was produced by the human body...I personally ecstatic that I wasn't born into an era absent of toilet paper...indoor plumbing...or proper hygiene procedures...I mean...I'm assuming they bathed back then...probably NOT as often as most people do today...but you'd hafta think that as a 1st Century medical professional...that dirty tub WATER was more suitable for tooth brushing business...than a person's own urine...it's NO damn wonder they held...wine guzzling...grape swallowing...orgy-fests...you would too if you had to brush your masticators with bodily fluids...it'd be the only way to avoid embarrassing episodes of chronic halitosis...as a matter of fact...in retrospect...taking into account...current hygiene procedures of the time...and documented historical evidence offered by Hollywood and the History Channel...it would seem that these heathens bathed once a year...whether they needed it or NOT...so I suppose it is quite possible that oral urine application methods could be viewed as advantageous...since the opening of the gaseous gullet after a year spent conquering other land masses and ethnicities...could prove to be orally offensive and deadly...however I am sure had they taken a few moments to consider what they were doing...what tools they currently had in place...and the availability of implementing them for hygienic purposes...they might have come up with other more effective methods of mutilating mouth bacteria...without the use of acidic...internally heated...piss potions...of course...I could be wrong...remember...these people...throughout their history...have been honored with some seriously defective methods of societal advancement...they allowed a horse to be named a Senator...tossed Christians to the lions...like they were candied confetti for a public parade...and NOW the approved use of waste water for whitening purposes...doesn't make me wanna run over and visit Italy anytime soon...and I sure as hell am in NO rush to act like a Roman should I ever end up there...kinda makes me wonder where current medical practices originated from...as well as where they're headed...IDK about you folks...but I'm pretty damn sure common sense existed back in 1st Century Rome...they may NOT have had the technological advancements we possess today...like the Internet...however...I'm just as sure they had communication with other civilizations...and I doubt very seriously these other societies were implementing sour...salty tasting...individually processed and produced purposes for properly using piss...to brush their teeth...you hafta remember we're talking 1st Century AD...toothbrushes probably doubled as fingers when NOT being used for other practical purposes...these fingers were attached to hands...hands that were undoubtedly used in place of toilet paper...since toilets...and waste paper hadn't yet been invented...which means they probably had a little more than bad breath going on there...buncha sick...twisted...toga wearin'...turdswillers...I guess if you're wipin' your ass with the same hand you brush your teeth with...dribblin' a little piss on your fingers was probably thought of as a protection against spreading the already present rectal bacteria...from improper evacuation procedures...surrounding anal alleviation applications...kinda makes ya wanna gargle with a gallon of golden shower solution doesn't it?...ME NEITHER...however it does give me an idea for a new oral hygienic product...that I should be able to...flood...the open market with...after a couple of beers...ROMAN REJUVENATION RINSE...bottled like Caesar dressing and sold in abundance...with a slight taste of hops for color and good measure...place your reservations now...from my new popular website...TOGA TOILETRIES...for a complete list of products...including ASS CRACKERS...and GLADIATOR GUMDROPS...for those that want the taste of waste...without the embarrassing procedure of performing their business in a public setting...Party like a ROMAN ROCKSTAR with COLOSSEUM COFFEE...a bitter taste from the past...sure to make ya gag like a prostitute pilfering straight from the piss pump...place your orders TODAY!!!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
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