T-ROOSTER!!!

The closest living relative to the T-rex is the chicken...

Striking resemblance there is too...so lemme see if I got this right...a huge meteor crashes to Earth and obliterates all the dinosaurs...and instead of coming back as a ferocious creature covered in scales with a voracious appetite...we get a chicken...well at least NOW we know the answer to the age old question...what came first the chicken or the egg...apparently it was a scaly raptor like creature that came first...I love it when they do scientific comparisons on two animals that couldn't possibly be further apart in the Animal Kingdom...it's like saying moths are the closest living relative to Pterodactyls...most of these morons are just as lost as the rest of us as to what happened to the evolutionary chain after the fireball fell from the sky...they make shit up faster than I do otherwise their funding would stop...see they are forced into finding answers...I'm NOT...I doubt things when they are presented...it's my right...people that don't often find themselves full of useless information that they carry around and pass off to others as legitimate...I find it very hard to believe that the biggest and most feared creature on Earth got hung out to dry by a meteor...and came back dressed up as a breakfast alternative...and summer time grilling item...I mean seriously...whaddaya gonna tell me next...that roosters crow because they're pissed off for gettin the short end of the stick...doubtful...I've NEVER quite understood how they keep hypothesizing that birds are the direct descendants of large ass lizards from prehistoric times...what were there NO birds in existence before the meteor...they just all the sudden appeared out of thin air once the smoke settled...doesn't make much sense does it...look I have one very simple way of debunking this myth once and for all...the Japanese people are key...history shows us that the Japanese people are warriors...the Samurai...the Kamikaze...and they are all born into martial arts of some sort or another...history also shows that they have a tremendous fear of...GODZIRRA...the biggest T-Rex ever recorded...so if CHICKENS were the direct descendants of their most feared land lizard...don'tcha think they would be runnin Helter Skelter through the local markets screamin their little raw fish eating heads off...of course they would...so don't go tellin' me that GODZIRRA turned into an egg layin' little shit factory...I ain't buyin it...it's more probable that the closest living relative to the T-Rex is the might Gecko from Geico...I'm more likely to believe talking lizards with undecipherable accents are the long lost relatives of the raptor T-Rex than I am CHICKENS evolved due to underdeveloped T-Rex hatchlings...seriously...where do they even come up with this shit...do a little homework...we dropped bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki that were touted to have similar effects as a meteor from outer space...and it didn't stunt their growth or cause them to sprout feathers and peck for food...if anything it made them smarter...they NO longer require a NAVY to kick our asses...maybe NOT in a physical confrontation...but everyone reading this has something made in Japan sitting in their houses or driveways...so on the economic front...they are clubbing us like baby seals...taking that into account...one would hafta believe that the T-Rex completely perished in the...Big Rock Fall From Sky...period of history...they didn't morph into another creature and continue to thrive...I mean think about it...look at the other creatures from those periods...woolly mammoth...turns into an elephant...makes sense right...I mean big world wide fire...one would expect the wool to fall from the mammoth...leaving a smooth skin tanned by the excessive heat...other big creatures may have shrunk a bit in overall stature...so would you huddled up in caves and holes waiting for the planet to cool and heal itself...but to go from something a couple of stories tall...predatory natural instinct...to something used for eggs and a substitute for red meat...NOT on any planet...NOT under any evolutionary possibility...just because some birds have feathers that are shaped similar to what we know scales looked like...doesn't mean lizards made the leap to flight...if it does...we need to start rethinking which species on this planet is the smartest...because man has dreamed of being able to fly like a bird since the dawn of man...and the closest we can come is flight suits...used to soar through the air up to ten miles when launched from the appropriate height at the back of an AIRCRAFT...there's NO way lizards learned how to shift from scales to feathers and master flight in such a short amount of time...sometimes Freedom of Speech can be a dangerous thing...such as when it is left in the hands of people with IQ's lower than their age...I swear...if ya follow me on FB you've already heard this...but I'm hosting Chute-less Skydiving Tryouts for those with just such an IQ...first jump is FREE!!!

Thrones & Stones!!!

Prince Charles collects toilet seats...

Well doesn't that beat all...apparently the Crown Jewels just aren't enough...NOW he needs a multitude of man ham seating arrangements for when he gets kicked outta the runnin for the real throne...what the hell could he possibly want with toilet seats...I mean of all things to collect he chooses ass catchers...no wonder Diana left his ass...ugly mistresses and shitty hobbies...that's enough to drive anyone away...whaddaya think he uses them for...an asshat...whadda dumbass...I guess it could be worse...Dubya tried to collect WMD...can't imagine why that failed so miserably...probably got the same bad intel as old Charles there...only Charles misunderstood WMD to stand for...Weapons for Monarchial Dumbasses...and he got more than his fair share before shit got too deep in the desert...why on Earth would you collect the seats your subjects have been planting their asses on...that isn't a hobby...it's a freaky ass fetish...literally...where do ya suppose he keeps them all...at the palace...does he have a whole closet full on a rotating rack...so he can just go in and hit a button until the one that catches his eye comes along...that's beyond odd...that's something you'd expect from somebody who's a few jester's shy of being able to hold court...I don't understand where the hell these people get off...collections of ridiculous shit...and for what a footnote in the history books signifying eccentricity...collect something worthwhile dipshit...like enough coins to regain control of a lost empire of which you are only a figurehead...with no authority...and apparently too much time on your hands...makes ya wonder...are the Crown Jewels backed by toilet seats...completely useless...kinda like the currency system here in the States...printed on high quality ass paper...I can't for the life of me figure out what went wrong in this mush melon's cranial chamber...ya don't normally collect things that have little resale value...it's like throwin' your money in the commode...I don't get it...I mean I collect things...like masks from all around the world...phone numbers from willing...or at least severely inebriated females...you know things that have a value attached to them...toilet seats NEVER even entered the picture of possibility when I decided what I would like to adorn my walls with...NOT that I hang random numbers on my walls...that would be stupid...I hang those on telephone poles so everyone can enjoy them...packaged with nice little WANTED posters...see ya just can't do that with toilet seats...NOBODY would take ya seriously...might as well stand there with the damn things around your neck like a human horseshoe pin...RINGER or LEANER...you be the Judge...I knew there was a reason the British Empire couldn't handle there own business during the Wars...they were too busy stockpiling toilet seats for the future King of F**kdumb...it's gonna be damn hard to eradicate stupidity if we continue to allow it to climb to the upper echelons of royalty and political offices...I can't even take those people over there seriously...buncha crumpet munchin teabaggers...I still don't understand why we didn't wait until the whole damn island was sacked before we went and saved their asses...they still think they're better than everyone else...got the same sense of humor as a dry stick of kindling...the only things worth saving in England are the Benny Hill and Monty Python films...maybe I'm way off base here...some of you might see something else of value from across the pond...but I personally don't see it...when the heir to the Throne is collecting things people pass caca thru...the outlook for you and your countrymen has got to be rather bleak and disheartening wouldn't ya think...I dare say I wouldn't follow my country's figurehead if he were a toilet seat collector...thankfully he's just a birth certificate dodgin'...former goat herder who's on his way out...waiting to be replaced by the next Great White Dope...I can't wait to see what type of tyrannical...toilet seat sniffin'...friend of England we get next...ten to one it's somebody who couldn't catch common sense in a bucket if it fell like rain...Happy Humpday!!!