Club Direct, a travel insurance company in Britain, provides insurance plans for protection from falling coconuts...
Duhn...duhn...duhn...(that's the intro music for Law & Order)...and here we are again...faced with the foregone conclusion that somebody has their cabeza firmly embedded in the turd cutter...the very first question that pops to mind when I read this little morsel of moronism is ...WHY??? I, myself have NEVER been to England...NOR do I plan to after reading these wisdomless words of wonder...have I missed something...is Great Britain shifting positions in the Atlantic ocean while the rest of us are sleeping??? Does the country magically drift through the Gulf Stream to a tropical location where palm trees that bear the fruit of coconuts magically crop up on its beaches before it finds its way home??? I don't know who's DUMBER...Club Direct as a company for offering it...or residents of England that purchase it...I know what most of you are thinking...(well Kevin...of course they don't have coconut producing palm trees in England...they must sell it to people that do live in regions of the world where coconut bearing palm trees exist)...yeah...and what do these indigenous people pay for this protection plan with??? Pineapple Juice...Bunches of Bananas...grass skirts...mangoes...cuz here's the thing...people that are historically associated with the region of the world where coconuts fall mysteriously from palm trees without prior notice...have been living there for CENTURIES...they are pretty adept at avoiding FCS...or fallen coconut syndrome...I mean I could be mistaken...but having lived on an island where such things as palm trees...coconuts...and hurricanes exist...I feel fairly comfortable in saying that during the entire time I was there...the residents and tourists that occupied those islands suffered...0...coconut related injuries due to the fruit falling from the tree...as a matter of fact these trees were usually scaled to harvest the fruit rather than waiting for it to fall naturally...done it myself a time or two...Momma probably still has some pictures to prove it...NEVER once worried about being hit by a falling fruit...I do offer my very own FCS protection program...and it's free of charge...if you would like to avoid being clubbed into deeper depths of degradation associated with your current level of stupidity...DON'T STAND UNDER PALM TREES THAT HAVE VISIBLE COCONUTS!!! Problem solved...didn't cost you a dime...ya know how long an idiot would hafta stand under a damn palm tree to get hit with a falling coconut...holy retardsville...it's a vacation...get out and see some of the sights...in the grand scheme of things you have a better chance of getting the sh*t slapped outta you for being stupid...than ya do of being hit by a falling coconut while on vacation...put it this way if I were flyin the plane that was taking you on vacation...and found out you purchased a coconut protection plan...I'd make damn sure ya didn't have an anti-parachute rider of that DUMBASS policy before I slid the door open and booted your ass out...this isn't the first time I've heard of the whacky ass sh*t the British are willing to insure...Lloyd's of London would probably write up a protection plan for ass hair if ya paid them enough...damn idiots...I've NEVER really understood insurance policies and advertisements they come up with for protection from ACCIDENTS...they are called ACCIDENTS for a reason...because they are...UNEXPECTED...what they are actually protecting people from is PROBABILITIES established through significant data related to the chances of you damaging something based on the results of massive studies and research...you don't insure people against things you do NOT expect to happen...NOBODY sells END OF THE WORLD insurance now do they...and why is that...because they do NOT expect it to happen...they would hafta establish a date for it...say Dec. 21st, 2012...and when the morning of Dec. 22nd rolled around unchanged they would go bankrupt in a matter of moments...and why do they call it LIFE insurance...it can't be cashed in until you DIE...shouldn't it be DEATH insurance...or GRIEVING FAMILY insurance...it does NOTHING to protect the LIFE of the DECEASED...which is what the name of the policy seems to indicate...this industry hasta be one of the biggest money laundering entities on Earth...funny how ya NEVER get that money back if ya don't have an ACCIDENT...isn't it...kinda like it just magically vanishes into thin air...ya basically paid somebody to sit behind a desk and sell you a very high priced piece of paper...shouldn't there be a refund of some sort...I mean if I purchase an insurance policy for 12 months and sell my vehicle three months later...call and cancel the remainder of the plan...I get money back...if I run the plan through until termination and NEVER hafta use it...isn't it just like NOT needing insurance for that year...if NOTHING else that money should roll over into the next year and continue the protection for an additional 12 months...seems legit right...I didn't use it the first year...why should I hafta pay for it again...it's money spent on a product that doesn't EXIST if it isn't used...hell I coulda blew that money on a couple nice vacations...after yesterday's tidbit...I'm seriously considering starting my own toilet training...balloon blowing insurance policies!!!
