Thirty Thousand Americans are injured every year by exercise equipment...
That's right folks...over 30,000 completely inept people are seriously injured by exercise equipment annually in America...29,999 of those come from assembling the new diet enhancing device they just received in the mail...I keed...I keed...but seriously all one needs to do is look up idiots and barbells on YouTube to fins a plethora of idiots hospitalizing themselves through the misuse of equipment for the specific purpose of trying to get a video to go viral...You Tube is probably the BEST reality TV on planet Earth...since the idiots uploading files to share have NO aversion to being the centerpiece of a something painful yet hilarious to the rest of us...they are truly from the warm water wading gene pool where little kids piss...REAL physical fitness gurus take extra precautions NOT to try and lift weights while standing on a beach ball...or trying to conduct an exercise such as parkour while having access to ONLY high rise buildings...and unfortunately some of these accidents do occur through the exact way mentioned earlier...by physically unfit human beings trying to tone up and lose weight...they are usually of the 500 lb plus variety and purchase items such as a treadmill rated with a capacity to handle 300 lbs. or less...tragedy befalls them when they are either putting the item together or when they hobble on to it and cause it to suffer catastrophic structural failure...you think I am kidding...case in point...roughly 10 years ago I went on a canoeing trip with some friends of the ex...the members that made up the majority of this excursion were Indian ethnicity...feathers not target dots...so one would reasonably assume they had their shit together when it came to navigating a river while sitting in a canoe...I mean...all historical records and artwork seem to indicate that it was these people or their ancestors that created this type of watercraft in the first place...so you can imagine my shock and surprise when I guided my single seat kayak past a standard 2 seat canoe...that was carrying (3) male members of the tribal variety...all of which had to gently tip the scales at 300 lbs. plus...as well as a cooler full of beer...roughly 1,000 lbs of weight in a canoe rated to hold half that...needless to say the water level breached the sides of the canoe every time one of them shifted an ass cheek to float an air biscuit...similarly needless in nature to mention...yours truly paddled ahead with a fervor unmatched on that given day to get to the "Tubes" that run under one of the country roads we would encounter...I just had to get the BEST seat for the show...by the time the aforementioned ark reached the point of NO RETURN for entering the Tubes...I was firmly parked on the banks of the river waiting for the episode to unfurl...as canoe after canoe...raft after raft...kayak after kayak and inner tube after inner tube made their way through the Tubes...the occupants were greeted with rapids at the far end that sprayed them with water and even caused a few less than confident navigators to tip and spill their belongings into the rushing water...the overloaded canoe in question had NO such problem when it steamrolled through the Tubes and subsequently sank straight to the bottom...while the ONLY things bruised that day were the egos of a few floating tribal members this event shows just how dangerous the misuse of equipment can be...I laughed so hard I developed a six pack ab set just from watching...several other people actually toppled over from laughing and did injure themselves on the rocks and pebbles strewn across the shore...look there is a really easy way to avoid being injured by exercise equipment...DON'T USE IT...EVER...IDK about you folks but the very last thing I wanna do is DIE HEALTHY...what kinda bullshit belief system is that...I mean seriously...aside from any significant amount of pain associated to a terminal disease I wanna leave this planet the same way I came into it...KICKING...SCREAMING...& FIGHTING FOR EVERY DAMN BREATH...that is the ONLY sure sign of a well-used life cycle...do your damn duty and grab a DONUT on the way to work tomorrow...they're NOT just for cops!!!
