12/7/11

Eucalyptus leaves contain a narcotic...That cute little Koala lives out most of it's life stoned...

Really???  Take away the Eucalyptus Leaves...and being cute...me and them Koalas could be kin...I keed I keed...what was I sayin???  Oh Yeah!!!  That Koala wouldn't stand a chance...lol...no but seriously...who woulda thought ...in the Who's Who in Drug Experimentation that the Koala would out trump the likes of Dennis Hopper...Jimi Hendrix...Jim Morrison...Tommy Chong...Charlie Sheen...and Dubya...(holds out one finger...gimme a sec...listens to whisper of inner voice [don't judge me...some people think that inner voice is God...I happen to think it's just me fuckin' with myself...sounds like me anyway] eyes light up as if the light just came on...or the fog dissipated)...Whaddaya mean Dubya wasn't stoned for the better part of both terms???  It retrospect it sure would explain a helluvalot...I'd sleep easier believing we were all massively duped by a cleverly disguised Koala...using mass hypnosis to prey on our societal pulse...by confusing the minions with utterifications that would make the laziest...couldn't give a shit less...English teacher cringe at the very auditory challenge of deciphering these colliquial concoctions into something they can associate with a half assed definition...than to think we as a country elected the poster boy for the Pro Choice Platform...not once but twice...poor damn Koala deserves to be stoned most of it's life...it hasta be confusing to be referred to as a bear...and yet also possess the traits of an herbivorous marsupial...folks I give you the hermaphoditic high on of the animal kingdom...the Koala...now when I first read this I hafta admit I was a bit stumped...why on earth aren't the rest of us gobbling up eucalyptus leaves...or some derivative thereof...odd thing really...it appears the eucalyptus leaves only have this effect on Koalas...it is has also been speculated that this leaf munching marsupial can differentiate between poisonous and non poisonous plant life...which makes one wonder...what else could we learn from our furry little friend of the forest???  Probably nothing...narcotics usually cause humans to drool excessively upon their bibs...oblivious to their surroundings...they wouldn't know poison if they were licking it from a glue trap for mice...Koala-1...Humans-0...Koala recognize poisonous plant life and know how to avoid it...Humans recognize poisonous plant life...and yet they seem to roll around in it til they're so covered with infectionous scabs they hafta hose themselves off in the shower after droppin the kids at the pool...(takin a shit...I could just see some of ya scratching your heads...lol)...  Koala-2...Humans-0...Koalas care for their young about 1 year...6 months in the pouch...6 months on the back...Humans care for their young for 18 years...6 to 7 years on the hip...11 to 12 years up the ass...Koalas 3...Humans-0...and they say we are the intelligent species...we could learn a thing or two from the animal kingdom...like once ya get them walkin...put them to work...cut 'em loose on the world...hell most of them could make a better living...up to the age of 7...as paranormal ghost finding experts...most will have illusions of granduer...aspire to become President...attend an esteemed collegiate institution like MSU...fall short of achieving their goals and settle for a life of..."Do you want fries with that?"

12/6/11

Cephalacaudal Recapitulation is the reason our extremities develop faster than the rest of us...

Let's try an old grammar school english lesson shall we???  Divide the words and define...Cephalacaudal...what does it mean???  Here I'll show ya... Pronunciation: /ˌsef-ə-lō-ˈkȯd- ^ə l/
Function: adj
:  proceeding or occurring in the long axis of the body especially in the direction from head to tail 
Hmmm...from head to tail...or in the case of normal humans...the base of the spine...now for Recapitulation..  well...as it pertains to the medicinal field...it means...

: the supposed repetition in the development of the individual of its phylogenetic history—see recapitulation theory

Where oh where do you want me to start???   Show of upper right extremities for those who think the thing they are currently waving in the air...has absolutely NOTHING to do with the definition of Cephalacaudal...it neither head NOR tail...and is in fact an attachment to the main caphalacaudal unit...commonly referred to as the torso...now let's do the Hokey Pokey...everybody put their lower right extremity in...now put your lower right extremity out...now shake it all about...again...NOT a part of the main cephalacaudal unit...it does however share a commonality with it's counterpart...the upper right extremity...in that it too is an attachment to the C/U...don't make me spell it out again...now as for Recapitulation...a rather vague medical definition...but trust me you would need a whole new list of definitions just to wade thru the oral orgasm of useless words given in the other definitions...in short it's a THEORY...much like hypnosis...and those ghost hunting guru's the paranormal experts...it hasn't therefore been proven...or it would be accepted as fact...aside from all that the fact remains that the medicinal terminology moron who dreamt up this little uneducated stab at sounding rather intelligent...obviously studied the required Anthropology courses @ the world renown London Library of Literature...now most of you should be saying to yourselves...the London Library of Literature...does it exist...and if so...what does it hafta do with Anthropology...well quite honestly...about as much as extremity development hasta do with Cephalacaudal Recapitulation...NOT a damn thing...who among you has anything better than this THEORY to explain the human developmental habits of our extremities...or wouldja like to hear mine???   Thought you might...or you'd be earnng your paycheck right now...LOL...our extremities develop faster than the rest of us because they are the first things we utilize shortly after birth...we make gestures with our hands...and begin exploring the fascinating things that look like hands at the other end of our bodies...they enable us to become more free to fend for ourselves and can greatly enhance our dreams of becoming independent...that and the obvious...it would take forever to walk using your ass...and equally as difficult to eat with your knees...try typing with your nose...or running with your lips...and I don't mean recklessly to your co-workers about your bosses...or to your friends about your spouses...most of us are born with 4...some with 5...they are able to pee standing up...write their names in the snow...and are capable of inventing new and brilliant ideas to outfox the 4 extremity...apple eating...evil doer variety of humans...some however are born without fully developed and functional extremities...while others may lose them tragically in accidents...or violently in acts of war...these brave people are far too often forgotten or ignored by society in general...very seldom do we offer them assistance with even the minutest of tasks...yet they continue to find the intestinal fortitude...the brute strength...the enormous energy...the determination...desire and drive...to succeed at a level much more difficult than any of us will have the misfortune to encounter...so next time you happen to see an individual with a few less extremities than normal take a moment out of your day to offer assistance...chances are their pride won't allow them to accept your offer unless absolutely necessary...but you'll walk away from the incident knowing you're a better person than those ignorant bastards stumbling by trying to avoid eye contact!  And the next time some dipshit with letters associated with their title...PHD...CEO...HMFIC (Head Mutha F**ker In Charge)...throws out a coupla unfamiliar words to describe something...especially if it's in a definiton format...and it involves a theory...hypothesis...fantasy...myth...magic...medicine...or in legal papers...look it up...ten to one it couldn't be more out in left field if it had bleacher seats behind the foul pole at Comerica Park in an area that causes nosebleeds due to lack of oxygen at those altitude...fuckin' Unicorns have more to do with Cephalacaudal Recapitulation than any of my 5 extremities...my only problem is that I sometimes suffer from Quintextremitial Stumpification Displacia...that's when an individual is often troubled by thoughts of what to do with that massive fifth extremity...try the wrap it twice around the shin and tuck it method...or just leaving it draggin' behind him like a coupla old laundry bags on a hobo's stick...LMAO!!!   Didn't see that one comin' didja!!!