The Roman Army didn't have toilet paper, so they used a water soaked on the end of a stick instead...
Well that is just TURDIBLE...as Charles Barkley would say...who ever thought of such a thing...I don't have any idea whether the last half of this statement is true...I can see where the Roman warriors of the Gladiator and Praetorian era would have used such a device as a water soaked sponge on the end of a stick as a useful tool for stool removal...what I really have an issue with is the first portion of the potty trainin tidbit...the Roman Army didn't use a wet sponge tipped poop scooper because they didn't have toilet paper...they did it because NOTHING else remotely close to being a successful solution for smearing shit outta the asscrack had been invented yet...especially NOT toilet paper...the paper products of the day were made of parchment...a very unsavory consideration for cleaning caca from the old bunghole...it woulda been worse than the John Wayne toilet paper one familiarizes their ass with while stuck in a place where port-a-potties rule the day...rough and tough don't take shit off nobody...would be a drastic improvement over wipin' your poop chute with a piece of parchment...even if I am completely off base and incorrect...and some mad scientist of the era did invent rolled paper products intended to be used as asswipe...the Roman Army wouldn't have had it with them anyway...invasions...battles and wars were fought in a completely different manner than they are today...the logistics wouldn't have permitted for a continuous supply of the handcrafted caca catching toilet paper...the Roman Army moved EN MASSE...everything and everyone moving together in unison...the archers...infantry...and cavalries all moved in one neat tight knit group...bringing along wagons of supplies to get them started...once those supplies were depleted they took what they could from those they conquered...as any respectable military unit should...they didn't come up with the damn saying..."To the Victors go the Spoils"...so that we could watch our gas prices rise to repay for reparations to a war torn country that offended us...when you are the bigger kid on the block you don't beat down your enemies and then hold a piece of raw meat to their blackened eye...you give them just enough to let them know if they make the tragic mistake of crossing your path again...you're gonna whip little Willy out and .piss down rain until they think its an unnatural everlasting weather anomaly...and that is exactly what the Roman Army did...yes they were offensive...intrusive...and conquering...but that appears to be a common thread in any day and age for those that want to occupy the seat of world power...in those days the Roman Army resupplied by pillaging anything they came across...they didn't send wagons back to the hometown to retrieve fresh fruits and vegetables...the shit woulda spoiled by the time it got back...the people that they conquered were obviously ill equipped to handle themselves with weapons...so I doubt they would been preparing for domination by burying huge quantities of the bare necessities in some whacked out Old World survivalist situation...ya know why we don't use the wet sponge method today??? There's NO PROFIT in it...sponges can be washed...repeatedly...and replace as needed...what would paper companies do...STOP decimating landscapes to put more pennies in their pocket...they'd hafta shift gears and find somethin' new...or go out of business...paper companies need a renewable profit source...the paper industry has been threatened several times throughout history...the internet has provided that latest threat...none of uses paper anymore...if we do it is very seldom...I myself hafta scrounge around for an envelope when I need to jot something down...or a scrap of paper torn from the phone book...I don't have paper anymore because I have a computer...I don't need to write shit when typing it is quicker...easier and I can reach more of you with it in rapid succession...NO toilet paper is in existence to create a profitable and renewable product for the paper companies...think about it...we didn't start getting offered double rolls and triple strength toilet paper products to make our asses feel like they're bein pampered with clouds until right around the time that personal computers began to become affordable...up until then my friends...everything was single ply and designed to pry...stick...and curl up in your asshairs...had the internet not come along we'd all still be removing several layers of flesh after each flush just trying to force ourselves into believing our fingers didn't poke through...NOBODY in the ancient Roman World ever thought about using paper on their posterior...they were too damn busy spreading themselves thin enough to cause their own demise...they grossly out judged their own abilities and made some serious mistakes militarily speaking...there towards the end...using wet sponges for shit removal wasn't however...one of them...I mean hello...don'tcha think that if the Annunaki wanted us to be a shit free slave race they woulda given us toilet paper when they helped the Egyptians build the pyramids...what's the matter with you...don'tcha watch the History Channel??? They can't put anything on the History Channel that isn't true...Oh look it's my poop free Praetorian...I first heard about him on the internet...TURDIBLE I tell ya...just TURDIBLE!!!
