Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music...
As opposed to when??? Do they chew wood slower and talk with a drawl if someone turns on country music??? I mean have ya listened to Heavy Metal music...it's the loudest shit on the planet...I know first hand because that's what I listen too...here's the thing that doesn't make sense about this little tidbit...termites come in one size...infinitesimal...they can only eat so much wood a piece...which means that NO matter what music you play...they are gonna eat the same amount of wood...Heavy metal music has been accused of creating alotta problems...but overeating by termites is definitely a first...I mean seriously...where the hell do they come up with this stuff...who in their right mind would even consider this a fact...I mean wake up people how many retarded college educated degree holders does it take to come up with silly assed ideas like this??? I've NEVER heard such ignorant ways of thinking...heavy metal music has been blamed for causing people to commit suicide...it's been associated with people causing riots or fighting...you name it and I'm sure somebody has attached...'listenin' to heavy metal music while doin' it'...to whatever crime or taboo item is being described...it's ridiculous...NOBODY blames other types of music for creating dumb shit like termites chompin' wood faster than a tachyon can travel...I don't see people standing around playing hip hop music to see if their particular termites eat wood with differently...whadda they wear their pants around their ankles and carry around guns to steal wood from other termites in the hood...doubtful ya don't see termites sittin around a Country Bar...singin' the blues about how the lumberjack came along and chopped down their house...sent the little lady flyin' across the forest floor...made the whole family homeless...they don't sit around lookin' completely fuckin' stupid while listening to Opera...like most other insects and animals...including us...ya know what heavy metal music does??? It cleanses the soul...it purifies the human spirit and allows people to work out some of their aggression without having to KILL somebody...believe me...it has saved more lives than it has taken...from my hand alone...on more than one occasion...sure it can fuel the fire and cause the savage beast within to make itself known...but only by those too damn stupid to have any self control...termites probably can't even get close enough to a sound system that is pumpin' out heavy metal music...the amount of disruption would bounce their tiny little asses a country mile before they knew what the hell happened...and someone...please tell me...just where in the hell are you playing this heavy metal music that you envisioned termites tearin' through a pile of wood at break neck speed...I mean if this were true...wouldn't it be a helluvalot cheaper to hire them to cut down forests and fire wood...hell in this day and age you can download enough music for free...or just hop on youtube and play all the tunes the termites like...seems to me that FREE is alot cheaper than a chainsaw...I wonder how many countless hours were wasted in the process of manufacturing this little morsel of midget minded mistakes...how in the hell do you even measure a thing like that...scientifically speaking...I mean you hafta have at least 2 separate groups of termites in order to conduct this kinda study...right...a control group...and one that you put through hell to make a discovery...so how do ya know that the first batch of little termites weren't full from an earlier feast o forestry??? Who says the second group wasn't famished because of the first groups gluttony at the aforementioned feast??? For that matter...maybe the group subjected to heavy metal music NEVER heard a thing...has it been proven termites can even hear on the same wavelength as humans...makers of such things as heavy metal music...more than likely NOT...perhaps these little bugs of the bog were simply being tossed around like rag dolls from the sound waves they were being introduced to...I doubt very seriously the authenticity of this tidbit...until further testing has been completed...including the fitting of a termite with personal headphones...to determine if heavy metal music indeed poses a positive response from the maple masticating jaws of the termite...and please send me forewarning if you decide to proceed with such a ridiculous idea...I'd like to visit your parents and find out why they didn't strangle you in the crib...ya know I have been called ruthless...I've been called crass...obtuse...uncaring...even humorously inappropriate at times...personally I like to think of it as brutal honesty with a tickle...I'm gonna shootcha straight and tell it like it is...or like it needs to be...and maybe I won't always have the facts to support my rebuttal's...hell I'll be the first to admit I make up alotta the shit I put in these pages on the fly...I spend a little time with my Sativa Shaman...which happens to be sitting within arms reach as we speak...I read the tidbit that's been sent to me...and I just let sh*t flow like an unclogged toilet...I enjoy the idea that there are quite a few of you out there who pay homage by visiting these less than hallowed halls...reading what I have to say...getting a good chuckle to start off your day...and believe me...anyone who writes material for others to read will tell you how important an audience is...without you folks this page wouldn't exist...I say that to say this...if you have termites that tear through trees at twice the speed as normal...simply by listening to heavy metal music...double your homeowners insurance...and buy some Slipknot...Marilyn Manson and Korn...don't call an exterminator...profit from this little catastrophe...trust me...you'll enjoy your new found financial freedom...but be smart...buy something useful...like a Motor Home to live in...something made outta metal...there aren't any metal eating bugs...at least not on record...but you may wanna be aware of Bee-Boppin' Billy Goats!!!
