Wednesday, October 19, 2011
My Amazon Store
http://astore.amazon.com/todstid-20 This is a link to my online Amazon store...for your shopping convenience! Click on this link, then add to your favorites!!!
An To Ti
In the first month of the Bell Telephone Company's existence in 1877, only six telephones were sold.
A true model of persistence and perserverance...I don't know if they still exist today or not... I haven't heard of Bell Telephone Company for some time now...I do remember when they were found guilty of operating a Monopoly and had to break up their company and sell off bits and chunks...but can you imagine being a salesman for Bell...I was a Kirby vacuum salesman for about a year and a half in the 2000's...I can't imagine walkin around trying to sell telephones to people across America...how do you go up to somebodys door and pitch that little idea...Good Day folks...allow me to introduce myself...my name is Ichabod Turner (I.T.) I just happen to have this fancy new gadget I'd like to show ya...it is all the rage in 5 homes across this great country how would you like to be the 6th? Now what this here thing will do is let you call up to 5 other people you've never met and talk about all the things you don't have in common. Here's the catch folks...if you buy this little contraption from me now you'll be the 6th sale this year and with nymbers like those you can see how this thing is gonna snowball...within the next 3-4 generations every house in America will have one...and within 5-6 generations everybody will carry one in their pocket...I can't imagine trying to sell that thing back in 1877...there weren't even enough telephone lines strung up to make a damn call farther than the next room...and look at us now...first it was the automobile...every family had to have @ least 1...it was a status symbol...then families started downsizing and yet found it necessary to purchase a 2nd vehicle...they were the rich folks on the block...then it was tv's...every family had to have one...then 2...then 3,4...however many rooms a house had we needed a tv in each one...now it's computers and even more so cell phones...there was a time in this country when a family would vacation together...they would pack up the old vinyl wood sided grocery getter and head off to a beach or the mountains...they would get all the way to their destination unpack and find out they left something @ home...they would get mildly upset say a few things..."DRATS...I left my hair gel @ home...and my swell comb too" and that was it...on with the vacation...nowadays try goin on vacation with someone...hell offer to run across town with somebody who hasta be @ an appointment in 15 minutes...they'll get hurriedly ready...forget to eye make-up over one eye...wear 2 different colored socks a polkadot miniskirt with a plaid shirt hair in a bun...rush out the door hop in the car...get 10 feet from the door to the building they need to enter in 2 minutes, reach into their purse to turn their cell phone to silent...realize they don't have it...stop dead in their tracks turn around and fly back home to get it...our society and its citizens have become entirely too dependant on technology...I don't need a phonebook anymore...have no use for a landline phone...the USPS may as well go bankrupt I never send anything thru them anymore...and over half the shit that clogs my PO Box is junk...it's SPAM on paper...my damn computer can weed out the shit I don't want from my inbox...but good old Bertha down at the East Jordan Post Office can't seem to figure it out...they shove that shit in everyones box and yet place a recycling bin next to the door...as the middleman should I demand my cut in this chain of unnecessary events??
A true model of persistence and perserverance...I don't know if they still exist today or not... I haven't heard of Bell Telephone Company for some time now...I do remember when they were found guilty of operating a Monopoly and had to break up their company and sell off bits and chunks...but can you imagine being a salesman for Bell...I was a Kirby vacuum salesman for about a year and a half in the 2000's...I can't imagine walkin around trying to sell telephones to people across America...how do you go up to somebodys door and pitch that little idea...Good Day folks...allow me to introduce myself...my name is Ichabod Turner (I.T.) I just happen to have this fancy new gadget I'd like to show ya...it is all the rage in 5 homes across this great country how would you like to be the 6th? Now what this here thing will do is let you call up to 5 other people you've never met and talk about all the things you don't have in common. Here's the catch folks...if you buy this little contraption from me now you'll be the 6th sale this year and with nymbers like those you can see how this thing is gonna snowball...within the next 3-4 generations every house in America will have one...and within 5-6 generations everybody will carry one in their pocket...I can't imagine trying to sell that thing back in 1877...there weren't even enough telephone lines strung up to make a damn call farther than the next room...and look at us now...first it was the automobile...every family had to have @ least 1...it was a status symbol...then families started downsizing and yet found it necessary to purchase a 2nd vehicle...they were the rich folks on the block...then it was tv's...every family had to have one...then 2...then 3,4...however many rooms a house had we needed a tv in each one...now it's computers and even more so cell phones...there was a time in this country when a family would vacation together...they would pack up the old vinyl wood sided grocery getter and head off to a beach or the mountains...they would get all the way to their destination unpack and find out they left something @ home...they would get mildly upset say a few things..."DRATS...I left my hair gel @ home...and my swell comb too" and that was it...on with the vacation...nowadays try goin on vacation with someone...hell offer to run across town with somebody who hasta be @ an appointment in 15 minutes...they'll get hurriedly ready...forget to eye make-up over one eye...wear 2 different colored socks a polkadot miniskirt with a plaid shirt hair in a bun...rush out the door hop in the car...get 10 feet from the door to the building they need to enter in 2 minutes, reach into their purse to turn their cell phone to silent...realize they don't have it...stop dead in their tracks turn around and fly back home to get it...our society and its citizens have become entirely too dependant on technology...I don't need a phonebook anymore...have no use for a landline phone...the USPS may as well go bankrupt I never send anything thru them anymore...and over half the shit that clogs my PO Box is junk...it's SPAM on paper...my damn computer can weed out the shit I don't want from my inbox...but good old Bertha down at the East Jordan Post Office can't seem to figure it out...they shove that shit in everyones box and yet place a recycling bin next to the door...as the middleman should I demand my cut in this chain of unnecessary events??
An To Ti
Research from the Mayo Clinic has determined there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus. It is the Anal Optic Nerve and is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life. If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes
If you have enough ass hair, and its long enough for you to pull one you're...A) in need of a professional wax ANALyst to assist with this desperate condition...manscaping fellas, get with the times...B) a European Pole Dancer and altho 'Pigtails from the Poopchute' was a popular nightclub attraction back in the '70's, it's time for a trim...C) the new centerfold in Playmates for Prisoners, a monthly subscription service...last months issue was subtitled 'Hairy assed Houdinis of Hoag Maximum Penitentiary'...D) auditioning for a nude photo shoot for Bigfoot Quarterly, hoping to be spank mag material for Sasquatch's in the Northwest, or Squatches as they're referred to by the idiots who spend countless hours trying to prove they exist, by stompin around woods and forests, hootin, snortin, and hollerin...AT NIGHT...if you're gonna make all that damn noise, shouldn't ya just do it durin the day, at least that way if ya stumble across a deaf one sleepin, it will be entertaining to say the least. And just so we are clear, the rest of the Mayo clinic research says that if you don't pass gas in public, if you don't float an air biscuit when the need arises, all that methane gas backs up inside a body and travels back up the anal optic nerve where it spills over and creates shitty ideas, so, if you find yourself doing alotta stuff alone on the weekends, try bein a little more flatulent at the work place, if ya can't shave or wax it, tryin burnin the hair out, you'll no your successful if ya let one fly and the dog vomits, trust me...until you've cleared an entire room at the Smithsonian you must bow to the Pharoah of flatulence, pass gas and think more clearly! Btw, have you ever noticed that the moment you walk into a spider web you instantly become a ninja...lol
If you have enough ass hair, and its long enough for you to pull one you're...A) in need of a professional wax ANALyst to assist with this desperate condition...manscaping fellas, get with the times...B) a European Pole Dancer and altho 'Pigtails from the Poopchute' was a popular nightclub attraction back in the '70's, it's time for a trim...C) the new centerfold in Playmates for Prisoners, a monthly subscription service...last months issue was subtitled 'Hairy assed Houdinis of Hoag Maximum Penitentiary'...D) auditioning for a nude photo shoot for Bigfoot Quarterly, hoping to be spank mag material for Sasquatch's in the Northwest, or Squatches as they're referred to by the idiots who spend countless hours trying to prove they exist, by stompin around woods and forests, hootin, snortin, and hollerin...AT NIGHT...if you're gonna make all that damn noise, shouldn't ya just do it durin the day, at least that way if ya stumble across a deaf one sleepin, it will be entertaining to say the least. And just so we are clear, the rest of the Mayo clinic research says that if you don't pass gas in public, if you don't float an air biscuit when the need arises, all that methane gas backs up inside a body and travels back up the anal optic nerve where it spills over and creates shitty ideas, so, if you find yourself doing alotta stuff alone on the weekends, try bein a little more flatulent at the work place, if ya can't shave or wax it, tryin burnin the hair out, you'll no your successful if ya let one fly and the dog vomits, trust me...until you've cleared an entire room at the Smithsonian you must bow to the Pharoah of flatulence, pass gas and think more clearly! Btw, have you ever noticed that the moment you walk into a spider web you instantly become a ninja...lol
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