Well...whaddaya think folks??? Proof positive that Astrophysicists need to locate the answer to the age old question...'Is there intelligent life somewhere out there?'...because according to this dock tailed idiot there isn't much of it left here on Earth...Dogs don't even scratch in the same damn fashion...let alone at relative speeds...ever seen a dog rolling around in the grass...trying to alleviate an itch...NO scratching involved...somebody throw this slobbering jowled jackass a bone wouldja...have ya ever reached down and scratched a dog under the chin...or around the ears??? they NEVER seem to mind at what speed you happen to be scratching them...they're just happy as hell somebody has paid attention to them...I swear...the stupidity of this statement is Dumbya-ical...ever seen a dog use it's teeth to get at an itch on it's paw...does it chew at the same speed as it paws at a collar...highly doubtful...lemme tell ya a thing or two about itches and the processes with which all animals rid themselves of this problem thru the simple act of scratching...SPEED has NOTHING to do with the end result...satisfying the urge to rid oneself of such an issue requires one thing...and one thing only...an item or piece of equipment that can provide the necessary reach and proper amount of surface contact to ease the source of the itch...as a matter of fact...using one of these tools...which can include fingernails or paws...with any amount of excessive speed normally results in loss of epidermal layers...which in turn normally ends up bleeding...I can't believe in this day and age of technology this canine clusterf**k couldn't pull up a couple of videos on YouTube and figure out that dogs use different methods and speeds to scratch themselves...dogs also possess the rare talent of being able to scratch with all four legs...or paws...NOW I'm not a veterinarian by any means...however I would venture to guess that the skeletal structure of any dog...prohibits the application of similar speeds by both the front legs and back legs...simply because they are NOT designed the same, they do NOT bend the same...in the same directions...or enjoy the same ball and socket joints in the front shoulders as they do in the hips...this guy probably couldn't manage to scratch his ass if both hands were made out of sandpaper...I have NEVER seen a dog sit back on its haunches...lift a back leg to attempt to scratch at something...rip thru it in 5 nanoseconds flat...without so much as a few cursory twitches of the paw just to make sure the itch was gone...at relatively slower speeds than the initial itch...and altho this moron of man's best friend has obviously NEVER caught a subtle whiff of cinnamon...he has nonetheless provided all of us with some very useful and valuable information about speed in general...such as...all idiots...regardless of internal cranial capacity...are incapable of producing intelligent thought at speeds greater than STALL...it's people like this that were born to fly unaided by anything artificial or additional...HONESTLY...these people can literally FLY...I know ya don't believe me...most of you have questioned my authority before...and where did it get ya...NO WHERE...but seriously...you push one of these air-headed..ingrown...anal hairs out an airplane at 30,000 feet...and eventually they'll explode as they escape the gravitational forces of Earth and enter outer space...(I can hear it already...but Kevin...why don't they float away as they're walking down the street?)...2 simple reasons actually...the first is obvious...the air is thinner at 30,000 feet...and the further you are from the planet the less gravitational effect it has on the human body...the second reason is a little more complex...it involves deception...and it has been going on for years...and it's actually a government funded program...they have SPECIAL SHOES...kinda like the ones Forrest got from his Momma...'she said they'd take me anywhere'...except these shoes are made out of lead...this serves 2 purposes in and of itself...1) It keeps them firmly planted on the ground when they are outside...tying them off to hitching posts started causing problems in flight paths for most airlines...who began complaining flying thru skies filled with f**ktards was becoming increasingly difficult...even for a Pinball Wizard...and the 2nd it establishes a stereotype the rest of us can easily identify...SLOW & STUPID...that's why they look like their feet weigh a ton...because they do...lead shoes are difficult to get around in...they cause these people to trip and fall occasionally...and this is where the helmets come into play...NOBODY wants to be sittin in court on Child Abuse charges because little Johnny fell and bumped his head...and the echo still continues...it's NOT like you can cause anymore brain damage to these types of people...they come up with dumbass ideas about dogs all on their own...NO additional input...accessories or special equipment needed...I guess they do serve a purpose tho...without them there wouldn't be a need for IQ tests and state standards in the school system...we'd live in a world full of smartasses...of which I would be King and Conqueror...and intellectual witticisms would rule the day...practical jokes and pranks would be mandatory...as would video evidence of the event...broadcast for approval by the masses...it would be like YouTube and Google Earth collided...the level of tolerance for stupidity would be at an all time low...individuals suspected of succumbing to such ignorance would be chemically castrated...waterboarding their genitalia in molten wax and Wasabi oughtta do the trick...help keep the dumbness down to levels of acceptability...which means until they've overpopulated the deserted island they're stranded on...I mean seriously folks...if you're gonna use a lead based paint as fingernail polish on our kids...and allow them to suck their thumbs...WTF did you expect...Nobel Prize winners??? Get real...they're like the monkeys we sent into space...ass scratchin'...shit flickers...put a bucket on little Billy's brain basket and send him off with the other little...slow footed speed skaters on the fast track to no where...All dogs scratch at the same speed regardless of size...for f**kin' real yo...the size of an object...especially a living creature...is directly related to the range of motion...the greater the range of motion in similar species...the faster the bigger member is...that's why Cheetah's run faster than housecats...and here's the real kick in the teeth...I probably spent less time in school than the author of this tidbit...significantly less money on educational endeavors...and yet...here I am...leaps and bounds ahead of the shit sniffers in society...and why is that you might ask...simple really...it's called COMMON SENSE...you know...that ability to think for yourself...and that my friends has NOTHING to do with the physical speed of similar organisms...but rather the mental speed with which an individual processes thought...some operate at levels greater than that of the hypothetical tachyon...while others muddle about like their minds are wading thru raw maple syrup in winter...and people...if you have pets...especially dogs...don't subject them to the cruelty of an obedience school just because they appear to scratch a little slower or faster than their other four legged fur bearing brethren...dogs scratch at different speeds for the same reason humans do...sometimes a long...slow...Sunday afternoon scratch is just what the doctor ordered...and at other times it's a 5 minute frolic that satiates the senses...it all depends on your urge to scratch that itch...if ya know whaddum sayin!!!
