After studying it for 47 days. the NY Museum of Modern Art discovered the Matisse painting, Le Bateau was hanging upside down...
For real yo...look...if your primary purpose for being on this planet is to showcase the artistic talents of others...you might not wanna take 47 days to figure out the exhibit you're displaying is in disarray...how do you hang a picture...one the artist hopes will become well liked and render him respect, praise and fame...upside down...seriously...how do you accomplish such a catastrophe...didn't the frame come with hooks...a wire...some sort of hanging apparatus that would signify the correct top...bottom...right...and left of the work it contains...the ones I buy always do...the problem here is the term Modern Art...which encompasses everything...pictures of seagulls pickin' shit outta landfills...an ashtray you dumped your cremated relative in when the urn crashed to the floor...an overflowing...poo filled potty...all forms of Modern Art...it was created for people who have NO artistic talent whatsoever...it's a made up profession for the Crayola Crowd...who couldn't color inside the lines when they were in third grade...I don't know why they didn't just leave the damn thing alone...it's NOT as if anyone but the artist would have realized the mistake...and he's been dead for over 50 years...which brings me to the next question...what's so damn modern about a piece of unintelligible art work from 5+ decades ago...that's NOT very modern in my book...what did they have...a whole 18 colors on the Crayola Chart to choose from back then...it's about as modern as a diesel submarine in a nuclear powered Navy...have ya ever taken a moment to study one of these modern art masterpieces??? They look like an easel ejected enamel all over the canvas before the artist got started...I'm more amazed by the people who seem to ACTUALLY see things in these paintings...they sit and stare at something that looks like a puddle of improper Pictionary procedures for hours and then enlighten the audience with their delicious discoveries...'It's a lady in a sundress misting the flowers in her neighbor's garden from across the backyard fence!'...WHAT??? It looks more like melted wax from the floor of a candle factory...where the hell do you see a lady??? I could walk thru the NY Museum of Modern Art... blindfolded and completely clueless...and I wouldn't miss a thing...hell if I wear tattered clothes... skip a shower for a week...and carry a sign that says...'Will work for Food'...and stand in the corner long enough...impersonating a mannequin...I have a better shot at being misidentified as Modern Art than I do of actually receiving an offer of employment...now I don't claim to be an artist...I couldn't draw water if I had a bucket...but one thing I'm pretty damn sure of is...being able to differentiate between bullshit and beauty...it's really quite simple...if you gaze upon a painting for more than a minute...and the impression the artist intended to illustrate remains ignorantly out of reach...it's bullshit...or Modern Art...if you prefer the politically correct pronunciation...if...on the other hand the artists concept keeps you from considering suicide...you find yourself able to define certain aspects of the artwork...and the detail is simply dazzling...it's beauty...or Actual Art as opposed to that Magic Marker/Sharpie Surprise hanging upside down at the end of the hall...my daughter Stephanie has some serious artistic talent...NO idea where it came from...but here is how I know she has potential...I can SEE what she is trying to convey thru her various mediums of art...I NEVER hafta say...'Oh hunny...that is just...um... er...AWESOME'...without actually meaning it...she really has done some outstanding work...and I implore her to further herself in this field...I wouldn't dream of falsely supporting her endeavors... unlike the parents of these Modern Art progidies...I probably have an above average imagination...and yet were I forced to walk thru the NY Museum of Modern Garbage...I'd burn everything inside and replace it with Wonderful World of Watercolor Works as presented by the Academy for Anti-Artists... why not right??? Everything else that hangs in these hallowed halls looks like the type of stuff one would expect to find on the walls of a room occupied by an overfull offspring's dirty diaper...what a tourist trap for the talentlly challenged that place must be...and to think...had they just had the foresight to stare into the shitter one final time before flushing...they coulda skipped this leg of the excursion and went to see something really entertaining...like wharf walking sewer rats or something...Modern Art...the movement that needs improvement so it doesn't inadvertently cause a less desireable movement...it's like the ex-lax for artists...when the shit just won't come thru...whaddaya do...smear it with shit...then it's time to quit...we've all heard the phrase...'A starving artist'...and NOW you know why...it's damn hard work selling someone on the idea that what you're presenting is the cutting edge of the industry...especially when it looks more like a picture of a clogged Columbian caca catcher...you don't get to be a starving artist if you possess more talent then a ten day old turd...viewing a Modern Art Masterpiece has gotta be like typing...asjhdkihj thiewoij fruh flals jbnvjf...and defining it as an urban slang associated with the English language...it's just a buncha senseless shit NOBODY is EVER gonna understand...that's why they wait until AFTER the artist is deceased to dangle their drawings on otherwise empty walls...it prevents debate over disastrously drawn detail-less dipshit witted works of wonder...I say wonder in the sense of...I wonder WTF that was...go ahead...GOOGLE...Matisse Le Bateau...and you tell me what that is...to me it looks like the reflection of a shark fart...a dorsal fin surrounded by fecal fumigation...it's NO wonder they had it upside down...it's close enough to identical ...regardless of which way it's hung...I wouldn't have given a shit either way...a quote accredited to Matisse states...'Seeing is in itself a creative act which requires effort'...yeah...like the effort to visit a vision center...and the creative act of having them prescribe the right magnitude of optic enhancing eyewear...crafty little bastard...still didn't fool me with well placed words...it's gonna take alot more than some crap covered canvas to change me into a believer of bullshit over beauty!!!
