DUN DUN DUN!!!

By age 60 most people have lost half their taste buds...

Just in case you're wonderin'...the title is the theme song from Law & Order...by age 60 most people have lost more than half their taste buds...they've lived more than half their life...lost most of their hair teeth...sense of sight...smell and taste...you could feed them Elmer's glue and they wouldn't know the difference...several of them are used as taste testers for the onions...apples and potatoes crowd...you remember those morons don'tcha...I wonder if most people over 60 realize that if they make it to 100 it isn't really gonna matter...I know quite a few people over 60 an I'd be surprised if they had a taste bud left on their textured leather tongue...I'm nowhere near 60 and I don't even care what food tastes like anymore...throw some Cajun spice concoction on that shit and throw it on a plate...bring the necessary hardware and lemme at it...most people over 60 are happy they're still being fed...they don't care what stuff tastes like either...you could give them turd covered tube socks simmered in a slow motion gristle gravy and they'd be just as gummily happy as a 10 month old teethin toddler with a face full of those terrible tastin' tan colored cookies...you guys think I'm kiddin'...take a look around today at lunch...there's gonna be those among you that can't chew mashed potatoes...let alone a hunk of beef or chicken...and they aren't gonna care...they're all full of smiles...bibs on...like lunchtime with Barney...that great big purple dinosaur with homosexual tendencies and devil worshipping cult followers...just a cheery buncha bobble heads havin that meal between breakfast and supper...good damn thing that taste buds aren't actually essential to eating...sure they make it a more appealing process but as you all know...if you blindfold yourselves and act completely ignorant about other things you've been taught...you can make any old piece of shit taste like a filet mignon...I wouldn't worry so much about the loss of taste buds...by the time your 60 there are far more problems present on your human shell than the absence of half your taste buds...for instance...emergency ear hair removal...what the hell makes people think this is socially acceptable...seriously...the only way ya shouldn't be able to see the entire ear is if it is covered by long hair...if your big old side head sound receptacles look like an overgrown Vietnamese jungle get yourself some f**kin' hedge trimmers for pete's sake...runnin' around here with neatly coiffed ear canals...you're supposed to hear outta the damn things...NOT trap small insects and unsuspecting birds who mistakenly took the material as a sign of possible nesting places...or how about the rediscovering of the waist line...what the hell is wrong with you people...and that's a generalization...I mean what the hell is wrong with you people between the ages of 12 and 25...and those of ya between 60 and 100...I mean when the hell did it become popular to go from wearing clothes that fit around your waist...to wearing clothes that sag around your knees...to wearin clothes that fit around your waist...to wearin' clothes that ya let rest just below the armpits... I mean damn...and let's not forget about the suddne bulky appearance of Depends undergarments and Granny panties...NOT too mention the crusty eye crap ya leave on your unshowered face before ya head out to scare the general public in the morning..or the ten pounds of misplaced make-up your poor eyesight is responsible for...yeah..I'd say taste bud depreciation is the least of your worries...I mean I can't stand the changes my own body is goin' thru at the ripe old age of mid-40's frontier...I've got facial forestry creepin outta my ear canals and it bothers the shit outta me...it's like the hairline is slippin'...NOT just receding...it's droppin down to my sound bouncers and crawlin outta my ears like some uncontrollable visible vinery...NEVER had this problem when I was younger...but then again I've worn my pants at the same height all my life...so maybe I didn't take the necessary knee wearin pants protection procedures to eliminate unearthly growth in my ear garden...and idk if it's just au naturel for other parts of the body to begin droopin' to levels that would make wearin my pants around my knees a little more breezy than I'm sure th bos would be happ with...or if that's a by-product of goin' Commando since I was old enough to decide I didn't like the tags in underwear anymore than I did on shirts...but the fact remains...those fellas are falling prey to the problems associated with gravity...if I lived in Ireland I'd need a dress instead of a kilt...and maybe some bagpipes of my own to prop the poor bastards up off the floor...oh you can go ahead and laugh til tears are rollin' out your eyes...I've seen some of those old tuck'em in titties you pre-grannies are sportin around...damn things look like a coupla over ripe honeydew melons in a sailors laundry sack...it's Tuesday folks...have a great day!!!

HOW ABOUT ANCIENTRY!!!

There is no leading cause of death for people who live past the age of 100...

...and in 3...2...1...WE'RE BACK...fresh off a fantastic game down at Comerica Park between the Yankees and Tigers...which even tho the 40,000+ faithful tried to secure a victory for the home team by paying off the umpiring crew...the Yankees eventually won...and I will admit here...as I did on my Facebook page...that I suffered a momentary episode of hypocrisy by attending aforementioned event dressed in a Tigers T-shirt while wholeheartedly cheering for my Yankees...hey I like both teams...but I like the Yankees more...it's like being married and having a girlfriend...you live with one...but ya spend what time ya can with the other when she is in town...now I know what you guys are thinkin'...what the hell does this hafta do with the tidbit???  Here we are 8 lines into this damn thing and he hasn't even mentioned a word about the tidbit...I did too...actually I said all that needed to be said in the title...and yes...ANCIENTRY is a made up word...I wouldn't call it a Dubya-ism so to speak...because in order for it to fall under that classification he'd hafta be able to pronunicifimicate it first...but seriously...if they haven't figured out what the hell is killing off our CENTURIONS...I'll bet I have a sneakin' suspicion...it might hafta do with the fact that their remaining body parts are failing at levels not seen since the OBAMA administration...NOT that old Fucktard Fred...that's gonna be my nickname for that shit stick ROMNEY if he buys the next administration...is gonna be any better but you get the picture...hell ya know what keeps people alive past the age of 100...avoiding hospitals and idiots with degrees they bought with their last bag of dog food...people that live past the age of 100 will all say the same thing to you..."Where am I?"...they haven't a clue they're still sucking up much needed oxygen and occupying valuable space...ya ever tried to have a conversation with someone past the age of 100...what the hell wouldja talk about...their childhood spent crawling from the cave...ya have nothin' in common...I can't believe these medical mental midgets of millennial mortals hasn't determined that natural causes...or functional failure of certain life providing features are the leading cause of death among people so old their skin looks like it's been stretched over a drum...ya know I'm not one to promote premature death...well yeah...actually I am...in rare cases...well in most cases...especially when it involves some magnificent moron from the halls of heresy found in the medical profession...but really...show of hands...who wants to live to be a 100 year old bib wearin'...denture dippin'...depends destroyin'...droolie...I sure as hell don't...lemme die some horrible death in some twisted Ancient Alien meets Sasquatch/UFO Hunters Paranormal Investigation gone seriously wrong...anything but making me live to be 100...unless of course immortality has been realized by then and 100 becomes the new terrible twos...in which case...TOGA...TOGA...TOGA...I'm all in...bed sheets and bed pans for everyone...we'll have Geritol/Viagra parties everyday and see who can stay standing without help for 4 hours...it'll be a blast...just think about it...hell by the time they're rollin' your dusty...flesh fallin' off your face..1000 year old...half mummified ass up and down the hallways of the local nursing home...sexy young nurses will be around 300...I'd say that's as sexually appealing as a condom full of box jellyfish and a 400 lb spandex wearin' Wal-martian woman...there may not be a leading cause of death established for feeble minded foot soldiers of...my-minds-so-far-away...but there is a leading cause of STUPIDITY...and it comes from reading NONSENSE in SCHOOL books...instead of thinking things through with enough logic to make a lemur look ludicrous...(and for those of you saying..."don't lemurs already look kinda ludicrous?")...that's the point...it wouldn't take much...but far too often it is the BOOK smart individual that is STREET stupid...they have very little hope of being successful members of society...they tend to be reclusive...collecting ignorant thoughts while attempting to dislodge their colostomy bags from their cranial cavities...people over 100 die because eventually...they don't WAKE UP anymore...it's a simple process dumbass...LIFE is a steady race from BIRTH to DEATH...there are no turn-arounds...ya live to be over 100...eventually you will take a nap and...BYE BYE BERTA...I suppose I might have a different outlook on the whole...hit the Century mark cult fantasy...if you could assure me I would be vital...lucid...with momentary episodes of instantaneous memory loss...just so I wouldn't hafta answer questions from dipshit employees of the old folks home I get left in...who somehow just happened to find themselves lucky enough to run across some of my earlier writings know around the internet as WWKS...I can just pick my ass through my diaper and fling shit like a monkey...scowl and make them go away...I pity those of you that have an angry old bastard like me for a client when that time comes...I'm not sayin' ya need to go out and kick the bucket today...all I'm sayin' is don't stick around so long ya drain the life outta others...ya know...I hafta point out another lesson lost from the animal kingdom...when we have animals or pets that are too old to enjoy quality of life...we have them...'put down'...but we keep our parents around so long they look like 'EDDIE'...from the Iron Maiden album covers...hideous beasts...scarin' the bejesus outta their own grandchildren...it's NO wonder half the kids these days grow up with fears and complexes...people that live past 100 don't scare me...it's those that are still drivin' that make my ass wanna pucker up and shit diamonds...have a great Monday!!!