According to a British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capitol offense. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
Well now that we know what happens to the unsuccessful suicidal failure...what was the punishment for success??? Did they hang your significant other...or first born child...in your place...now I've never been one to condone an act of killing oneself...we're all gonna die one day...ride it out...out of all the assinine laws we've come across this one takes the cake...having trouble mastering the art of offing yourself...visit Britain...we'll do it for ya...how was this law supposed to protect anyone??? If you wanted to commit suicide...yet lacked the tools necessary to complete the job, the government would arrest you...try you...and hang you...you win either way...the real problem with this law is that it doesn't stipulate what constitutes an attempt at suicide...I mean hell if you're passing a law don'tcha think you might wanna let people know what situations would place them in the precarious position of breaking the law??? I'd think just about anything could be considered an attempt at suicide...crossing the street while traffic is present without the aide of a crosswalk...which didn't exist in 1845 England...GUILTY...hell you could hang anyone who joined the British Armed Forces...a suicidal endeavor if ever there was one...it's a damn good thing we don't have a similar law here in the States...I'd have a new job...as the countries hangman...and I dare say there wouldn't be enough hours in the day to get the job done correctly...I can think of quite a few Tidbit touting tallywhackers who could use a nice noose shaped neck tie...NO they didn't attempt suicide personally...but they undoubtedly murdered logical thinking among the majority of the mindless masses who read their moronic utterings of absolute uselessness...a crime that should be punishable by death...actually it's probably a damn good thing more laws weren't put together like this...can you imagine...if everytime you failed an attempt at committing a crime your government stepped in and did it for ya...hell you'd be living in some fantastical futuristic 21st Century America...Oh wait...we already do...or haven't ya noticed...If I lie giving testimony under oath...it's called perjury...if the government does it...it leads to conspiracy theories...if I run a pyramid scam over the internet it's called fraud...if the government does it...it's called collecting taxes...if I beat the ever lovin' shit out of somebody who desperately deserves it it's called assault...if the government does it...it's called interrogation...if I cheat when I file my taxes it's called evasion...if a politician does it it's termed an oversight...it's a crazy mixed up world we live in...here in America we don't have that particular law...we instead have The Suicide Hotline...a failed program if ever there was one...nobody who has the gumption to take their own life is going to consider calling someone they've NEVER met for an opinion on how to save themselves...Successful Suicides either leave a note or nothing at all...they seldom if ever cry out for help...and yet we continue to fund this program in all states across the nation...I doubt very seriously I would be very good at a job like that...Suicide Hotline Operator...I'd put all incoming calls on hold for half an hour minimum...when I got back to them...if they were still on the line I'd chalk it up as a success...if the line has gone dead...obviously I failed...and I'll bet my stats would be decidedly lopsided in the success section...I know it sounds heartless...but people who call that number don't need to be talked out of suicide...they have a plethora of personal problems that an entire team of psychological therapists couldn't tackle...Billy Bob on the other end of the Suicide Hotline hasn't the mental capacity to handle such tragedies...his level of education and any accompanying degrees have likely come from his latest foray into a box of Cracker Jacks...I don't get it...to me suicide has NEVER even been a feeble forethought in my quest to find a way out of a particular situation...flight from prosecution maybe...but NEVER suicide...I mean hell if it took our Federal Government 10+ years to find the most wanted man on earth I'm pretty damn sure NO matter how bad things got here...I could always find a palace in Pakistan to hide out in for a few decades...give it time for things to cool down...what's really troubling are the reasons people associate with suicides...harassment...hazing...name calling...seperating from a loved one...financial difficulties...the list goes on and on...the truth of the matter is...suicide isn't a science...NOBODY knows for sure what causes an individual to take these drastic steps...even when notes are left behind they seldom reveal the underlying problems that resulted in such a catastrophe...and altho suicide is a serious matter...I can think of quite a few people we could do without...whether thru suicidal efforts or divine intervention...it being Super Bowl Sunday while I'm writing this...at the top of my list would be Tony Romo...followed by everyone who has ever donned a Detroit Lions jersey...player...coach...owner...or fan...and if that group of people doesn't have an acceptable excuse for offing themselves in some mass suicidal kool-aid drinking cult type forum...NOBODY does...others who would make the list...the 1%...politicians without meaningful purpose for the people they represent...(notice how I covered all of them with one blanket statement)...hypocrites...lawyers...judges...wall street bankers...you know the sort...fast food flunkies who can't seem to get your order right if all it includes is a cup filled with ice...morons who find themselves in a managerial position simply by sucking the anal drippings of those above them on the company ladder...and altho I do NOT support suicide as a means to an end for the everyday individual...regardless of how completely and chaotically corrupt their moral compass seems to be directed...I do support State Assisted Suicide in those rare instances where quality of life is compromised...I have absolutely NO desire whatsoever to be left laying around for decades in an undeniable eternal vegetative state hooked up to life sustaining supprt systems...that's NOT life...it's furniture...for Pete's sake...pull the plug and mummify my ass if the simple presence of my likeness allows you to sleep better at night...trust me I doubt I'll notice the difference...I mean if you can eventually save me...return me to a reasonable resemblance of my former self...then by all means...spare NO expense...I have alot left to say regarding the surge of stupidity we encounter on a daily basis...and I would hate for some overanxious plug pulling puppet to flip the switch prior to my prognosis being presented...now I don't claim to be some sort of Anti- Suicidal Sage...but I think it goes without saying...There is a helluvalot more worth living for than there is worth dying for!!!
