SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM!!!

In the Andes, time is often measured by how long it takes to smoke a cigarette...

Well now...isn't it that a real kick in the ass...especially if they sell all brands of Marlboro out in the Andes...shorts...regulars and 100's...be a real bitch to establish any real time frame...couple that with the varying climates of the region...which range from snow capped peaks...to rain forests...and you've got one helluva situation on your hands...and I think Imma hafta call bullshit on this one as well...doesn't seem very plausible...or logical that an area in Central South America would use the time it takes to smoke a cigarette as a method of keeping time...especially since history tells us several of the ancestral civilizations of the area used extremely well crafted time keeping devices...the people that live in this region of the world may not be direct descendants of the Mayan civilization...but they swapped spit...and if the Mayans could come up with an accurate calendar that spanned THOUSANDS of years...I dare say the people of the Andes have a much more scientific method of tracking time than smoking cigarettes...I'd probably be pretty accurate in guessing that NOBODY in this mountain range set appointments...or rings the dinner bell...at 10 cigarettes to half past a carton...I can make a cigarette last up to an hour...especially in this day and age when they put themselves out if left alone in an ashtray for more than half a second...I'm pretty sure that doesn't relate to longer daylight hours for me as opposed to the chain smokin'...burro baggin...coffee bean crew...can you imagine if this were true and the ancient civilizations based their old calendars on this method of morphing matter into a timeline...where the hell would we be now...I mean this kinda nonsense just doesn't hold water...how the hell are you supposed to set an alarm...know how long to put something in the oven for...you'd hafta have a whole family of foul smellin' chain smokin' lungfish losin'...hackers just to get through breakfast...let alone lunch and dinner...are you kidding me right now...babies would hafta be born with a cigarette danglin' from their lips...just so you could tell how old they were...OH...LOOK AT LITTLE JOHNNIE...HE'S JUST 3 CARTONS OLD...ISN'T HE PRECIOUS...(hack hack...cough cough)...what kinda idjitarian comes up with this clueless calamity of confusion...I mean you gotta be buried under one helluva large rock for the better part of the last decade not to know that the Mayan calendar is actually considered as ACCURATE...if not more ACCURATE...than the ATOMIC CLOCK...and that isn't just me blowin' smoke...that's been proven by several scientifical types with PhD's...so I find it ludicrous to even lean in the direction of cigarette smoking time keepers of the East Andes...or wherever they may come from...if these people had EVER used this little time keeping trick...they woulda vanished from the face of the Earth faster than a Mayan wearing the shoes of Mercury...I mean come on...ya'd chain smoke your civilization into extinction in less than three generations...wouldn't ya...I mean by the third generation...smoking from birth to keep pace with the rest of the population...ya gotta figure they'd die of lung cancer before they could procreate...or shortly after...thereby leaving their offspring to be raised by Sasquatch...IDK where people come up with this stuff...the early civilization from the region...the Inca Empire...broke bread with the Mayans and Aztecs...and they were very adept at keeping things hidden...like entire CITIES...from the Spaniards during their conquest...Machu Picchu ring a bell...these people didn't pull off these kinds of feats because they were able to smoke more cigarettes than the other guy...they did it because they had help...from the Annunaki...those tall ancient aliens that visit this planet every couple thousand years...the ones with the abilities to manipulate the human genome to create a slave race native to the planet that would be effective in helping them mine for raw materials...you know...the ones the ancient civilizations worshipped and depicted in all of their drawings...yeah those guys...big buncha chain smokers those guys were...know how long it took them to help design and build the pyramids in Egypt...that are an identical match for the ones in the ancient city of Teotihuacan...save for the size and shape...the layout is identical to the ones on the Giza strip...within less than an inch...that probably woulda taken quite a few trips to the fella's at Philip Morris...which wasn't around back then...kinda hard to imagine a buncha descendants of a transoceanic voyaging nature would be able to carry enough cigarettes on the boat to make the trip UP thru the Gulf Stream during a time when boats were NOT built to cross violent oceans...chain smokin' time keepers of the Andes...yeah...I ain't really feelin' that...I gotta feelin' those folks could probably tell ya how long your ass might live just by listenin' to your ass crack with a stethoscope...they appear to have been WAY ahead of their time...not only in tracking time...but planets...stars...the wobble of the Earth for centuries beyond the length of time they were expected to exist...the building of ENORMOUS stone monuments...some of which contain STONES so large they weigh over 100+ tons...objects we can't even begin to imagine moving with the modern equipment we have available today...funny thing that...in all the excavations and archaeological digs...NOBODY has ever uncovered any tobacco related products...lighting utensils...or ashtrays...stuff ya would think pretty easy to manufacture...what with all the other technological leaps they seemed capable of making...please...pleASE...PLEASE...if you do exist (Annunaki)...come save me...there are a few of us that have evolved beyond our useful capacity to educate the masses...the Jesus concept worked when there weren't that many idiots...but the population explosion has made it impossible to save many of the shallow end swimmers...and with that...you're gonna hafta excuse me...I need to go spend a few cigarettes in the bathroom...then I think I'll nap for a pack or two...get up make some coffee and cough through another carton of work tomorrow...have a Great Day!!!

YANKEES 10...TIGERS 9

One of three male motorists picks their nose while driving...

Alright...before we get started with the tidbit...many of you may be wondering just what the hell the title for the tidbit is all about...it would almost appear as though it were the final score of a baseball game...at first glance that's what many of you probably thought...and just as many of you who are familiar with MLB...were scratchin' your heads...wonderin' WTF it could possibly mean in the post season...since the two teams are not playin' one another...nor did either of them post a score with those numbers in the games that they have played...it is essentially a cleverly disguised tactic to further confuse my Momma...she of the grand understanding of playoff formats for baseball...the two teams named are my favorite two teams...and in my opinion the National League doesn't factor in...those teams suck ass...and should be outlawed...anyway...these being my two favorite teams...it is a seldom sen occasion when they are in the post season together...and not by any fault of the YANKEES...who are there almost every year...hint...hint...as I was sayin'...the numbers present next to each team name represent the number of games they need to WIN in order to bring home the WS Title and Trophy...the Tigers have actually played one more game than the Yankees...but that will be short lived in the second round should these teams face off once again...now on with the tidbit...there are a couple of things I picked up on right away...the first being...this is NOTTA problem associated with American males...it must be from an overseas country...where DRIVERS...are often given the misnomer of MOTORISTS...because we do NOT refer to ourselves as such...and to be honest...I do NOT see an issue with them picking their noses...wherever they are...and here's why...#1...they don't live here...they probably live in one of those ass backward countries that place their MOTORISTS in the right hand seat of the vehicle...driving on the wrong side of the road presents many problems for the MOTORIST in question...they have enough going on without worrying about being offensive with their nasal nugget adventures...#2...they don't live here...so what do I care if they pick their noses while driving...as far as I am concerned they can do it with their toes and impress me with their Youtube videos of talented idiots in far off countries...it's really no more impressive than women putting on their make-up while in bumper to bumper traffic at 70 miles an hour...you only watch because you can't wait for the accident...#3...they don't live here...so their nasty little nostril clearing habits are of no concern to me...I would rather see somebody sitting in the car next to me picking their nose than playing on their phone...how many times have I said it class...TECHNOLOGY has made us lazy and careless...and in most cases...a hazard to ourselves and others...NOBODY makes commercials advertising the possibility of killing yourself in an accident while nose picking...they do however make them regarding the last text their friend read before plowing into a tree or another vehicle head on...picking your nose does not impede your ability to drive in most cases...it does not impair your vision...at least it shouldn't...if you are diggin that deep...your problems lie further up the passage than a little ball of snot...see a frontal lobotomist and save us all some trouble...nor does picking your nose distract your attention from driving...at least it shouldn't...it's not like itsa damn trophy...if you're starin' at the damn thing like its a prize trophy...stop somewhere and buy a pedestal for placement procedures and get back on track...I think you oughtta hafta drive naked...it would sure eliminate alotta the other dumb shit that people do while driving...and it would make it less complicated for first responders to assess the situation at the accident scene...which might help them save your life...they'll either be able to dislodge that phalanges from the nasal cavity...or better yet use the jaws of life to remove your head from the anal cavity it has been so successfully buried in for the past half century...I for one seldom pick my nose while driving...for two reasons...I seldom drive anymore...it just doesn't hold the same sexy appeal it did when I was a teenager...and number two...because I prefer the farmer's hanky method of clearing the sinus passages...its less messy...ya just knuckle off a nostril and let it fly...repeat with the other side and ya never hafta get your fingers dirty...yeah ya getta few strange sideways glances from the gawking gallery...but they keep their traps shut because they don't want you to aim the next nasal blast in their direction...pick 'em and flick 'em...or play and spray I always say...pick your poison...not your nose...but hey...on the bright side...there's a new commercial for the countries where this is common...NOSE PICKING WHILE DRIVING...STILL SAFER THAN TEXTING!!!