In the 19th Century, physicians highly recommended riding carousels to aid in circulating blood...
...and this my friends and faithful readers...is the #1 reason my ass stays as far away from hospitals as I possibly can...anybody ever been on a carousel??? Well even if ya haven't you've probably heard of 'G' force...that odd little theory that explains why people PASS out when they are flung around at extreme angles or circular motions...under 'G' force conditions...like those present on a CAROUSEL...blood circulation slows down...quite the OPPOSITE of the intended purpose...which is just about routine for these white cloaked clowns...ya wanna know how to stay healthy...stay the hell outta HOSPITALS...that's your best bet...the other problem with this is that you ride CAROUSELS for ENTERTAINMENT...if they had any medicinal value they would be MANDATORY in all hospitals and health centers...but they're NOT...I mean hell...you prescribe some alcohol...and you have a party...might need a couple of barf bags for the medically maligned...other than that though ya should be fine...I tell ya...the same problems exist within the medical field to this very day...take a look at the prescriptions they have hand out...or better yet...the OTC medicines they allow to fill the shelves of the local pharmacy...these drugs PROMOTE future HEALTH problems...even if they CURE a current malady...fella's...if ya can't get it up...there's VIAGRA...CIALIS...and a handful of others...they'll give ya that little extra penis power...but the laundry list of side effects include...dizziness...rapid heart rate...temporary blindness...upper respiratory complications...and extended periods of penis plumpness...the advertisement actually says...if you experience an erection for more than four hours...seek a physician...yeah...NOT gonna happen...if I have a four hour hard-on...Imma contact a Hollywood 'B' movie manager and make some damn MONEY...I swear...when ya hear the list of possible side effects that can accompany a probable cure...such as described above...kinda makes ya wanna come up with your own game plan...maybe a couple popsicle sticks and duct tape would be a better choice...splint that little semen spitter into position and have a party...might be a few side effects when ya remove the splint...depending on how tight ya wrap the tape...but NOTHIN' that might kill ya...and it's the same for every one of these medical wonder cures...got acid reflux disease... (heartburn in other words)...we can cure that...take this little pill...NO more heartburn...however...kidney failure...liver disease...strokes...temporary blindness...and other stomach complications are a few of the things we have to offer in exchange...here's a novel little idea...how about you change your DAMN diet...apparently the shit you're shovin' down your gullet doesn't agree with you...good lord...I'm just wonderin' how long it's gonna be before the end all be all miracle drug is gonna come out...the one that cures all of your ills by makin' ya lose your innards through your asshole...a complete colostomy flush of the complicating features in the human body...I swear the only time I go to a hospital is when I'm pretty sure I'm already on the verge of death...because by that time it really doesn't matter...they are either gonna operate and remove the shit that doesn't work anymore...or Imma kick the bucket anyway...maybe the mutton heads in the medical field should take NOTE from their past colleagues and STOP prescribin sh*t that doesn't work...I mean DAMN...there are common cures for half these diseases...for instance...if you can't sport a woody because of erectile dysfunction...pick a DIFFERENT partner...apparently the smarter half of you doesn't want to go spelunking in the space you have targeted for cave exploration...ya don't need pills for the penis...ya need somethin' PRETTIER...same goes for women...if you're suffering from dry dock down below...perhaps you need to find a new PILOT for penetration procedures...somethin' that makes ya slippery when wet...maybe it isn't the size of the boat that matters...but if ya don't berth it in water it isn't EVER gonna float...have a fabulous work week!!!
