In Japan when a man reaches 60 he has a ceremony wearing a red kimono which denotes he no longer has the responsibility of being a mature adult...
Isn't that interesting...something our two societies have in common...the immaturity level of the adult male...apparently in Japan it takes the female species 40+ years to determine that attempting to change...morph...or mold an adult male into something presentable outside the cave...is a lost cause...here in America it normally takes the female gender considerably less time to come to this conclusion...mere moments after a prospective male counterpart attains the age of puberty...our women throw their hands above their heads...in a..."I give the f*#k up" gesture...realizing eons before their Japanese counterparts what a fruitless effort this is...it makes me wonder why we don't have more Japanese adult male actors in Hollywood...hell if they can fake maturity until they reach the age of 60...I'm sure there are more than a few Oscar worthy nominees in Osaka...I think we should have a similar ceremony here...not in all states mind you...just in Michigan...and then not even state-wide...confine it to a specific group of people...DETROIT LIONS fans...keeping 60 as a significant number...anyone alive the last time they won a Championship should be entitled to act as immature as they want to...without fear of legal reprisal...show up to Ford Field dressed in those cute little footed pajama's...bring your pacifier...find your seat in the stands...fling poo on all the paying customers...halftime hi-jinx would include throwing a tantrum on the turf...crying in the concession line...bathing in the bathroom trough...ya know ladies...if you were as attentive as you're supposed to be...what with all the advancements in maturity you are privvy too...the answer to morphing an adult male into something resembling maturity...is right before your eyes...or has been presented to you previously...by me...an immature adult American male...CINAMMON STICKS...DUH!!! It promotes cognitive and logical thinking...both of which are necessary to formulate a modicum of maturity...and according to historical research waiting until they leave the womb is tantamount to losing the battle before it begins...grab your passports...do a little online research before the government finds a way to pass SOPA...and locate yourself an In Utero Cinammon Stick Insertion Specialist from Singapore...preferably female...since an adult male in the same capacity would undoubtedly be too immature to locate either Cinammon in stick form...or the internal yeast concocting bread chamber of a mature female...it's probably a damn good thing I'm not of Japanese ethnicity I'd expoilt this little cermony for all it's worth...my 60th birthday would include every conceivable...non-violent crime available...I can see the puzzled expressions already...'Why on earth would Kevin admit to pre-conceived criminal activities on his 60th birthday?'...It's simple really...whether it were violent...or non-violent makes no difference...I chose non-violent because I could skip the bloated legal fees associated with hiring a lawyer and have absolutely NO doubt my prowess in postulating my defense plea would result in an immediate dismissal of all charges...'NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF ATTAINED IMMATURITY'...similar to a TEMPORARY INSANITY plea without the extensive and exhausting mental testing required to prove such a travesty of the judicial system viable...I could just stand before the judge...offer my plea...shrug my shoulders in a...'Who me...what didja expect...I'm 60' gesture and walk out without so much as court costs...it would be a daily endeavor of mine...and why not...if you're going to provide a loop-hole in the legal system I could fly a squadron of UFO's thru...who am I to oppose exploitation of it...honestly tho I think we view maturity differently on this side of the Pacific...American adult males are considered immature if they spend all day Sunday in front of the T.V. watching professional sports programs without so much as a clue as to what is taking place in their immediate vicinity...they tune out...and tune-in simultaneously...exhibiting the hidden ability of multi-tasking...an effort that requires above average maturation of the inner mind as well as auditory and optical receptors...it's damn hard work appearing to ignore the lewd...rude...crude...demoralizing tongue lashings of your little lady as she cooks...cleans...cares for the kiddies...while you sit...smoke...scratch...channel surf between games...fill out your fantasy football roster...text your buddies about how terrible their team looks today...coordinate bathroom breaks with commercials...and trips to the store for beer during halftime...we have alot goin on all at once...give us a break...we don't interrupt you when you're at the grocery store shopping for dinner...or when you're folding laundry and settling disputes amongst the siblings do we??? We don't pretend to enjoy chick-flicks...and get in touch with our feminine side just to up the odds of successfully seguing into a sexual interlude later that evening............okay so maybe we're guilty of that transgression...probably NOT a good example n hindsight...SEE...that right there is a better example of reaching a new level of maturity...the ability to recognize your mistakes...learn from them...and move forward...much more of this and I fear I will leave my American...as well as Japanese...brethren lagging in the field of maturity as it pertains to the adult male...I have got to be one of the most profoundly...politically incorrect...parodious preachers plodding around this planet...so it goes without saying I've had a few run-ins with immature acts myself...While in the Air Force...I once shaved the left eyebrow and the right half of a moustache off an over inebriated...comatose comrade...woke him up 15 minutes before a mandatory Dress Blues Inspection...hurriedly helped him get dressed...mindful to keep him from glimpsing a mirror...tossed him a handful of mints to try and alleviate the alcoholic aroma...doused him with enough aftershave to make a hairball hacking cat gag...and off we went to the Law Enforcement Desk to meet our new Lt...needless to say there were several boundaries of immaturity crossed that day...by an entire Flight of fellow enlisted individuals...try keeping your shit together under those circumstances...a straight face while looking the impending ass chewee directly in the eye...'Squared Away troop...Good to Go'...that level of immaturity resulted in such a comical episode if we woulda had YouTube back then a video of that would've went viral...that brand new...straight outta OCS LT didn't know what to do...I can still see his face as he attempted to maintain his composure before finally erupting into side-splitting...tear-rolling laughter as he continued his charade of inspecting this poor unsuspecting prank project of mine...needless to say the remainder of Inspection was cancelled and we were dismissed to report to our posts...so you see...altho the outward expression may seem unattentive...the inner wheel are always turning...let's not forget...it was an immature...locker dwelling geek...who sat in his garage on those lonely nights and invented the personal computer...I can't imagine the things I'll mastermind at 60...ALL HAIL IMMATURITY!!!
