A government study has confirmed that pigs can become alcoholics...
I love government funded studies...they are all the rage these days...let's look at some of the basic information this study MISSED...such as pigs do NOT earn money...therefore they cannot buy their own alcohol...most pigs do not live to the ripe old age of 21...meaning the government is knowingly violating one of their own laws by providing alcohol to minors...pigs cannot fabricate moonshine stills...nor do they have the capacity to mix mash and distill it properly...so what does this mean??? Quite simply it means that a small but albeit important portion of our national deficit is the direct result of ill informed scientific studies...any and all members of the animal kingdom are capable of developing alcoholic tendencies when subjected to cruel and unusual controlled environments where they are force fed alcohol...I swear the day America wakes up and realizes what's going on it will be too late...this is the fodder they fill the papers and internet with to keep us from noticing what is really going on in this country...I mean seriously...how many of you read that tidbit statement and found it fascinating or interesting??? GO quickly to the nearest hardware store and buy some rope...I'm sure you have a chair at home that you could topple off of rather easily...PIGS CAN BECOME ALCOHOLICS...indeed...with the ever present assistance of warped human beings...I mean unless you truly enjoy an alcoholic lifestyle...and have the belief of reincarnation in your tiny little melon...then this is great news...all you hafta do is come back as some form of swine and swill away at the local watering trough full of your favorite concoction...NO more worries about DUI...or other related offenses...I'll tell ya what...I don't know what's worse...submitting a request for funding for such a dumbass idea or being the one that signs it into approval status and disburses the funds...I don't get it...is there some part of America where drunken pigs are a problem??? Has some farmer found other farm animals impregnated by the sour mash sipping swine??? Do we have horse and sheep running around with pig snouts and curly tails as the direct result of interbreeding with hammered hogs??? Doubtful...so why the interest in getting pigs to drink alcohol to see if they develop a 'disease' once thought to be secluded to humans??? There really is no good explanation for this type of study...personally I could care less if pigs drink to get drunk or not...if I were a pig farmer on the other hand I would use this information to the absolute best of my abilities and raise all the hogs on my haven as alcoholics...why would I do this??? Because unlike others I see advantages to be had and a market to be cornered...PRE-MARINATED PIG PRODUCTS...think of how much more money you could get for your swine if they were already saturated with flavorful alcoholic content...you could sell your meat to restaurants...delis...grocery stores...you would be the Bill Gates of boogery and butchery...having made sure the meat was fully saturated prior to being led to the slaughterhouse...I mean who could compete with Pabst Blue Ribbon Pork Rinds...or Palatable Patron Pork Loins...Captain Morgan's Pork Medallions...the list goes on and on...ya see I've given up on chastising the government for misappropriating funds...it's useless and takes up too much of my time...once you reach a deficit ceiling that taps into the trillions...citizens shouldn't need to be clued into the fact that governments spend money they do NOT have and expect us to foot the bill...what I have done is begun to look for ways to use this information beneficially...I figure WTF...if they're just gonna keep spending money we do NOT HAVE...I may as well enlighten you to how to convert it into useful information...STAY TUNED for more ways to take advantage of piss poor government spending programs...such as teaching people the long lost art of growing their own food instead of trading food stamps for drugs!!! Have a great day!!!
