11/18/11

Preparation H's main ingredient is shark liver oil.  It will shrink any tissue.  Many older women use it to help reduce wrinkles...

Well now...kinda sheds a whole new light on the term shit-faced doesn't it...I mean what the hell???  Is Prep H the poor womans fountain of youth???  How low does a person's self esteem hafta be before they start rubbin asshole cream on their face in an attempt to look younger...trust me...if...by the time you're old and wrinkled you haven't landed you a man...smearing anal paste on your face isn't gonna get the job done hun...fact is you probably look better with the poop chute face pack on...ya ever notice men don't invest in prettying themselves up...it's false advertising...it's why so many relationships fail...guys go out looking for that perfect female specimen...one who can cook...doesn't mind doing the housework while he does the yardwork...and by yardwork I mean paying the neighbor kid a few bucks to rake...mow...and shovel snow...while he plays golf...drinks beer...naps in the hammock...and who has the ability to carry on a conversation coupled with the common sense to know what TV programs not to interrupt unless there's a life threatening emergency...in which waiting on an ambulance would only complicate matters...and finally...one who looks amazing...he stumbles across a woman...who by all appearances fits the bill...only to find out that the morning after she rises from the ashes looking like Broom Hilda got into a train wreck with a bus full of hairy lipped...unbathed...lizard ladies even Capt. James Tiberius Kirk wouldn't fuck to save the Enterprise...I mean holy shit...is there a scarier place on earth than a day spa???  Full of beastly women wearing a wrinkle cream that makes them smell like they've been tonguing assholes all day...mud bath's...avocado facials...cucumbered eyelids...they come out lookin like the extras ensemble for The Walking Dead on AMC...it never ceases to amaze me the difference between the sexes...women hear that Preparation H can help reduce wrinkles by shrinkin tissue and immediately they begin smearin the stuff all over their faces...men hear this little tidbit...and they're thinkin...hell if it shrinks any tissue...how about plasterin some on that 3rd chin...maybe soakin that big old ass in it so everytime you test the limits of elasticity in Spandex it doesn't look like a couple of midgets in a sleeping bag wrestling for the world title...maybe a little on the cankles...maybe even a coating or two around the mid torso region...especially if everytime you rotate 180 to 360 degrees you cause an orbital shift in the objects around you...  personally I think this is an item better used in accordance with what it was intended for...and don't get me wrong...men can be just as guilty and gullible...just take a look on late night Paid Programming Television...alot of the guys you see on these shows make slow people look savantesque...buying penis pumps to make their willies look bigger...seriously???   These things look like udder cups for automatic milking machines...you don't go shovin your Johnson in to things they weren't intended for...that's what gave shepherds and fags a bad name...same thing applies with ointments and creams...the fact of the matter is this...if you don't wanna look old...die young...it's the only way to ensure eternal youth...good lord...there are other ways to appear younger and prettier for alot less money...alcohol comes to mind...  if ya can't bag a guy naturally get him drunk enough to pass out...toss him naked on the bed...then let the night of the Banshee begin...more than likely he won't even remember in the morning...and you won't hafta run around lookin like Tina the Turdburglar with anti-itch anal shrinking cream drippin off your jowls and crusting up behind your ears...and trust me guys...alcohol will also replace the need for you to purchase a vacuum actuated penis attachment to increase your crotch crocodile...besides if her happy parts make you feel like you're tossin a hotdog down a hallway...maybe you wanna invest in a little Prep H for her nether regions...apparently it has the audacious power of turning canyons into creekbeds too!!!  This is a prime example of why our country needs to take a serious look at restricting procreation...much like the chinese have done...because apparently Sorority House pranks gone bad end up surfacing in mainstream media as fact...take it from me...if you keep rubbin that shit on your wrinkles you're gonna end up with 'butter' face...that's what you'll overhear the men lookin at you whisper to each other..."Hey didja check out gramma at the end of the bar?"..."Yeah...nice body...butter face...oh my god...looks like the mommy of mummies"...and as a final tidbit of insider info...once you reach the age of wrinkledom...men are no longer interested in what your face looks like...they're just as tired of chasing the fantasy as you are occupied with it...they're looking at your financial portfolio...not your face...sleep easy tonight and leave the anal easing facial mask in the tube it came in!!!