12/1/11

If you eat a bar of chocolate every day for 36,500 days, you'll live to be 100 years old.

There are 2 things wrong with this statement...how many of you were paying enough attention when first reading this tidbit to catch them???  Okay class...if we've learned nothing in all of our travels together...the one thing we should all be aware of is...NOTHING should be accepted @ face value...let's disect this sentence...which altho found under a heading titled Fun Facts...has absolutely nothing factual about it...first of all a bar of chocolate is irrelevant...if you eat anything for the CORRECT number of days you will live to be 100 years old...that was a subtle hint as to item number 2 of errant information contained in the sentence...@ first glance it seems simple enough...365 days in a year...multiplied by 100 years...36,500 days...sound right???  Would you bet your life savings on that equation???  If you answered YES...stay the hell out of the casino's...there's a reason you NEVER have any luck...first of all the average year has 365 days in it...  however leap years have...BRAVO!  BRAVO!...366 days...and how many leap years wouldja venture to guess occur every 100 years???  Anyone???  (100 divided by 4 =...)  25 ring a bell???  SO...our little 'fact' finding mathematician who came up with this statistic...probably ended up taking adult classes to get their GED...or found one safely tucked inside a box of Cracker Jacks...If you eat anything...anything...NOT just chocolate...it can be anything...a grain of rice...half a cow...or peanut butter and naner sammiches...for thirty six thousand...five hundred...and???  25 days...that's 36,525 days...you will live to be 100 years old...on a side note...completely related...43.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot...usually by mental midgets who closely resemble Weeble Wobbles...dressed like Trekkies...HIGH on Stupidity...the other 56.3% of statistics are made up after moments of lucidity...much like the one you just experienced reading the explanation of error above...and here's another statistic...99% of all people who come across that tidbit on their own...without reading this blog post...will do 1 of 2 things...1) Read it...and think to themselves...(Hmm...interesting,,,I did NOT know that...) and go blindly on thru their day...absentmindedly buying a chocolate bar from the vending machine at lunch...or 2) they have a scratch pad of paper sitting in front of them and they're trying to crunch the numbers right now...let's see...I'm 44 years old...I haven't had chocolate every day of my life...so I'm gonna be conservative and say maybe 2 times a week...little more during Holidays...so maybe...eh...130 days a year...that leaves 235 days on average...multiply that by 44...add in the 11 days for leap years lived...total that up...then let's see 100 minus 44...that's 56...multiplied by 365...add 16 for leap years anticipated...total that up...add the 2 totals together...FUCK!  I gotta lotta chocolate bars to eat...should I get white chocolate...milk chocolate...I know...I know...lotsa numbers...lotsa chocolate...and we wonder why the children of today are faced with obesity as if it were an epidemic...our education system has failed miserably...even when it comes to simple math...if you can't get the damn equation right...none of the other shit matters...and yet these grey matter morons are allowed to graduate...post errant material on the internet...compound the issue by mentioning chocolate...thereby manipulating the masses as if they were some kinda hypnotist...into buying candy bars in order to live to be 100...WAKE THE HELL UP...since when has chocolate possessed the powers of longevity and healthy life styles???  We'd have no use for all these dumb ass diet programs if it weren't for choclate...if all it took to live 100 years was the simple consumption of a chocolate bar each and every day...Hershey's would be bigger than Microsoft...we'd have an overabundance of animals...which are all made out of tasty meat...that would be of no value to us...everything would contain chocolate...giving even the dumbest among us a chance to procreate a little genius of our own who could one day make us so very proud with their little flashes of immortality...like say posting something truly BRILLIANT...maybe something like...Oh...I don't know...If you hold your breath until Simon says STOP...we'll both get along so much better...if I didn't know better I'd think this was a quote from old Big Ears/Little Brain himself...but all the words made sense!!!  LOL!!!