01/27/12

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction...

How enlightening...another math major in the works...I suppose China's Census Bureau must be ecstatic...don't hafta run around collecting numbers to formulate population figures...since Chinese people...who, as we mentioned in an early blog this week, are required by law to apply for and be approved in order to procreate, have already 'fucked' past infinity...(I encourage you all to pul up youtube...search for Shift Happens...and take a gander at some of the things 99.9% of the earths population are unaware of)...2 countries are on the rise...China...and India...or Communists and Customer Service Call Center Towelheads waiting for their Taliban counterparts to call them to Jihad...how awesome is that???  If either...or both...of these countries decide to become a world player in global domination...we are SCREWED...with that many people available you don't need any weapons...you just line them up and march forward til your enemies run out of bullets...then it's Kung-Fu and Goat slayin Slingshots against empty guns...I would even venture to suggest that if they had a mind too...they could breed all other ethnicities out of existence...thankfully the Chinese seem to be years from discarding hog's hair toothbrushes...so their foul smelling decayed cabbage...raw cat's and rat's breath should keep most foreigners from even considering wetting a noodle in one of their females won-tons...the Indians...(dots NOT feathers)...suffer a similar Bull testicle sweat smell emitting from every single pore of their bodies...makes me wonder if they don't roll around in the shit...kinda like an animal will do when it comes upon a dead carcass...filthy camel ass lickin' cow worshippers anyway...I don't know the answer to solving this overpopulation problem...we obviously can't just round up both groups of people and force them to all live in some convoluted concentration camp...we'd end up with a buncha Chindians or Indianese half breeds runnin around...then what the hell would we do...we can't have the cowherding crimson spots and dots trying to fold laundry...while the numbah wan hairless baboon faced westawant owners decide to try their hand at answering international customer complaints...now can we...yet it won't be long before the size of each countries population extravaganza is uncontainable within their established borders...eventually they'll both hafta expand the size of their countries in order to accomodate all their offspring...it honestly boggles the mind when you think about it...here in America both sexes...male and female...search for a sexual partner that is satisfying...beautiful to the eye...and pleasant to the other senses...touch...taste...hearing and smell...yet we are 3rd on the global reproduction rankings...either I'm missing something...or raw fish...and goat semen are far more powerful aphrodisiacs than anything Tommy Hilfiger or Versace has ever poured into a bottle...WTH...I doubt I'd last a day with a feminine subject from either sector...how on earth can a person be expected to concentrate on copulating with all that raw sewage smell seeping out of their sexual prospect...my god...I'd hafta cover my own body in elephant excrement just to be able to walk into the same bedroom with one of these...'basking in ball sweat and bull shit' beings...and with my luck they'd mistake the dry heaving gag reflexes emitting from the core of my body as some sort of Western response to sexual gratification...NOT a pleasant thought...I mean holy shit...I've floated a few pungent poots in public...caused a few eyes to water...blamed it on someone else...but daaaaaaaaaaaaamn...how can they NOT smell themselves...I don't get it...if I had to run around smellin' like that for more than a day...I'd robe myself in so many garlic cloves you'd think I was advertising a new anti-venom for vampire bites...ya know there are a lotta places I'd like to go visit...things I'd like to see...the Pyramids in Egypt...(after they get their shit under control)...the statues on Easter Island...(they seem to have their shit as together as it's gonna be...since there aren't many people left)...Stonehenge...Ireland...(altho I fear I wouldn't be able to leave once I got there)...the Galapagos Islands...Australia...the Colosseum in Rome...I'd like to go to Greece...see a few of the things there...like the narrow path where the real 300 made their stand...hell I've been to the Pinnacles...as well as the Petrified Forest...(a daunting...spooky...haunting name...one that makes the arriving tourist believe they are in for a stretch of woods even the Big Bad Wolf wouldn't venture thru if Red Riding Hood was a titty tassled temptress on the other side)...and folks lemme tell you if you've NEVER had the gumption to go gander at either of these 2 sights...I believe Momma has the necessary travelling arrangements should you require them...here's a little forewarning...Petrified Forest...is a really enticing way to say 'Rocks'...or...'Boulders'....in the middle of the desert...the Pinnacles, however...are gorgeous...they are two of the most awe-inspiring rocks you'll ever see leaning against each other in the middle of absolutely nowhere...(I love ya Momma...if I hadn't had those experiences early on in life I wouldn't know how to spot them and avoid them now...LOL)...and yet with all that being said...I would plan a vacation to some godforsaken corner of our planet...like Antarctica to watch albino dung beetles battle it out building snowballs...before I'd set foot in either China or India...there isn't a damn thing worth wading thru multitudes of 'more than methane' emitting mongol headed meat sacks...NOT even if I stuck cottonballs soaked in skunk shit so far up my nose it made my eyes perpetually water...it isn't worth it to me...don't get me wong...I love egg rolls and I've tore up a Slurpee or two in my time...but I can get that shit here and limit the amount of time I hafta hold my breath while doing it...and here's a little NEWS FLASH for both countries...CHINA...the government sanctioned birth control program you have in place...has obviously failed...fix it before you hafta move the Great Wall...INDIA...learn from CHINA's mistake...implement some sort of sexual restraint...there is NO WAY IN HELL we are going to be able to employ you all in Call Centers and 7-11's...start eating your young...do somethin'...if all else fails...invade Sparta...didn't work out so well for the last group...but hey...if you're victorious...you'd at least have a cliff to throw your offspring off of...OH SHOOT ME...don't sit there gasping for air...bewildered that I would suggest such a thing...unless you wanna end up purchasing Rosetta Stone so you can learn Mandarin and whatever the hell those goat herders gaggle over there in Calcutta...you better hop on board in a quick hurry...seats are fillin up fast...and this trains about to pull outta station...LOL!!!