HOLY SNAKE OIL BATMAN...2 days in a row...information from the kiddie pool clown crew is startin' to look up...become more respectable in nature...I haven't been following the news...did any of you go on a retard rampage recently...start eradicating the empty between the ears entities among us??? I applaud you if you did...honorable efforts are always appreciated...but keep in mind...the title of this blog is What Would Kevin Say...NOT SIMON SAYS...and even if it was...I didn't say SIMON...anyway...onward and upward as they always say...yes...watchmakers used their own nose oil to lubricate tiny gears...I had to use my own nose oil half the time just to punch in at the last job I had...before finding self employment opportunities...of a legitimate nature I might add...our time clock required fingerprint identification in order to log us in or out...half the time it wouldn't read your fingerprints because your hands become dry while working with different objects...tiny gears do not require a puddle of lubricant...and a watchmaker's nose was more easily located than a small bottle of gear oil...but watchmakers are NOT alone in their use of bodily fluids here people...as discussed in yesterday's blog post...humans are disgusting creatures for the most part...and shepherds used to use spit as a lubricant...those of you with vivid imaginations may want to contain your breakfast in the bucket beneath your desks...I'm not gonna go into further detail on that one...if you find yourself in the precarious position of scratching your head in constant confusion over that little piece of information...try wading out past your ankles...trust me it gets deeper the further ya go...put your floaties on if you're that askairt...but get your ass wet...put it this way...even if you pee sittin' down you should be able to figure that one out...I'll give ya a little hint...it was BAAAAAAAAAA'D....MLB pitchers of the earl years used everything imaginable as lubricant for the ball they were throwing...sweat from the brow...and even from below...tobacco spit was often used to lubricate the gloves of the players...before it became taboo to chew in front of millions of redneck fans...what's next...NO ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES at NASCAR races...but that's a whole 'nuther story y'all pay attention...HEY...(split finger farmers whistle)...OVER HERE...they still use illegal substances to this day...anything to make their jobs easier...vaseline...pine tar...anything to give the ball a different spin...or break...boxers use slippery shit too...in an attempt to get the opponents gloves to glide off quicker and do less damage...imagine that...a brutal sport where you don't want to get hit...go play TENNIS ya buncha sissies...who else uses body fluids for lubricants...all of us do...especially those with kids...how many times have you used spit to settle down a bad case of bed head resulting from the inadvertent nap that was taken on the ride over...I know my Momma did...lady used to lick us like a llama before draggin' us off to church...showin' up for salvation with our spit crusted hairdo's...and don't have anything on your face...OMG...here comes that big wet thumb...LOL...I love these little memories...most people use the nearest water fountain...or bathroom faucet...NOT MY MOMMA...she knew what was best for ya...little saliva never hurt NOBODY...right as rain we were...probably the only set of spit shined siblings in the whole sanctuary...but HEY...we were there...that's all that mattered...I'm probably gonna get a nasty phone call or text over that one...those were the days...I'll tell ya what...butter cured burns...and spit solved cowlicks...look at us NOW...spending $10.00 on a box of burn relief cream...when butter is still under $5.00 a tub...lost are the fine arts of financial savings thru saliva type substitutes...family remedies have been tossed to the ages...and we're left with having to buy unnecessary items at abundantly higher prices...NOW IDK about the rest of you folks...but for me...today is Friday...and every Friday in the work place is like a promise of temporary freedom for the weekend...some of you may lead rather boring and mundane lives...notice I didn't actually say MARRIED...but yeah...anyway...others of you may enjoy the possibilities of a SINGLE lifestyle...and if that be the case for you...might I offer a bit of advice that should come in rather handy if you're lucky enough to find a partner to get randy with...SIMON SAYS...the best form of personal lubricant...IS & ALWAYS HAS BEEN...FOREPLAY!!!
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