This is terrific news...for AVERAGE people...sucks for midgets...dwarfs...hobbits and giants...but the rest of you should have a better than NORMAL chance at being a walk-on for your favorite NBA team...how do ya figure ya GROW a quarter inch at night...most people...NOT average ones...but MOST people in general rest and relax during the evening hours...which means what class??? Which means they slouch and slump rather than stand and sit erect...definitely NOT conducive to achieving higher altitudes of humanity...AVERAGE people are about a quarter inch taller at night if they are A) Female and wearing heels a quarter inch taller than their NORMAL height...B) A transvestite cross dresser who has stolen their mother's shoes...or C) are standing on a small ass soap box spouting off about their new growth spurt...AVERAGE people grow while they sleep during the GROWING years...however once your ass reaches a certain age GRAVITY rears it's ugly head and plays tricks on the aging body...things begin to sag from all spaces and places...faces droop...flabby arms poke out from flowered shirts...CANKLES become more apparent...(those are ankles that look like soup cans...ya can't see the bone structure...it's like their legs just fit into their shoes and bend at awkward angles below the lip of the shoe)...tuck-em in titties start fallin outta there puddle of flesh protectors...guys hafta wear longer shorts to keep from draggin their marbles across the macadam...NONE of these things invigorate the mind to think that things are growing in the upwardly direction...hell there are old ladies who trip over their shoelaces when their nipples get caught in the threads...I mean seriously...take a look around at the older generation...which hafta be included in the equation just to establish a medium range for average...most of these old fogies and their female counterparts have started to take on the distinct shape of a candy cane...all drooped and hunched over...most of them are decidedly shorter by more than a quarter inch...day or night...I mean this is fabulous news for little kids all over the world...they can get into carnival rides a whole year early just by showin' up at night...unless of course the carnies are aware of this trickery of the tiniest among us...does it really matter if it even works or not...it's NIGHT...you're either asleep an unaware of it...or kicked back and couldn't care...it's NOT like everybody is runnin home after work to getta jump on the quarter inch height advantage...and who is doin' the measurin' of all these munchkins anyway...because let's be honest...most AVERAGE people couldn't find a quarter inch mark on a tape measure...unless they use one every day...if it was a man that conducted this study I feel for the family...coulda made him a carpenter and sent him out in the world to preach to the masses...kinda missed the nail on that one didn'tcha there Pontius of the pipsqueaks...if it was a woman...well then I can see where the problem lies...with the husband or the boyfriend...and as sorry as I am to hafta tell ya this...I figure ya should hear it from the horse's mouth...if your hubby or boyfriend says they grew by a quarter inch...chances are it was closer to a sixteenth...and that isn't 8 inches either...it's three quarters of an inch on a good day when the weather isn't cold...it has nothin to do with what time of day it is...if you wanna grow by a quarter inch...get your ass on one of those medieval torture chamber stretchers and we'll getcha hooked right up...because here's the thing...humans...like all other animals...grow when they are young...once they reach their MAXIMUM height capability...they tend to travel in the opposite direction and get SHORTER...not TALLER...ya wanna know how ya get higher at night...smoke pot...wear shoes with thicker soles...and remove your head from your ASS..if NOTHING else it will elude to the fact that you are TALLER!!!
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