Well know...isn't that convenient...since COMMON SENSE in every state...requires you NOT needing to be informed of that information...I swear...Imma invent the STUPID SLAPPER and make millions of people slobbersmile...if you need a law to TELL you HOW a car should be driven...your ancestors musta came over on the SLOW rowing boat...no but seriously folks there is a very good reason for this LAW...believe it or NOT...I can tell ya first hand that if Illinois wasn't a state where winter weather could dampen my spirits...I would move there tomorrow...all men would...just to escape the arduous adventure of driving a vehicle with a side seat bitcher...back seat naggravator type person on board...think of how many wives would hafta ride in silence for fear their husbands could send them to jail for trying to drive the vehicle vicariously through their husbands right ear...my oh my...an idea I can sink my teeth into...cuz lemme tell ya somethin...NOTHIN' chaps my ass more than someone whispering in my ear at a decibel normally used at heavy metal concerts...telling me which route to take or getting pissed off because they THINK they know a better way of getting from point A to point B...it runs in my family...m brother Shaun is the same way...hell ya don't even hafta be in the same car...all ya gotta do with that guy is have him follow you while you are following a GPS route he doesn't agree with...it's kinda funny actually...women always harp on men to STOP AND ASK FOR DIRECTIONS...YOU'RE LOST DUMBASS PULL OVER AND FIND OUT HOW TO GET OUTTA HERE...ya know why most REAL MEN avoid accepting this advice??? Because if they are anything like me they KNOW better than to STOP and ask a complete stranger for directions around the local area...and there is a very good reason for this...remember I said if they are anything like me...I live in a very small town where two major two lane blacktop thoroughfares come together M-32 and M-66...it takes all of 15 minutes to WALK at a slow pace to get to the other side of town...two minutes if you are driving...I cannot count the times I have been walking down the hill to one of the two gas stations we have in town...only to find some wife whipped wheel man wondering how to get from this side of town to M-66...less than a mile away...trust me...you could find it by accident alot quicker than by STOPPING and asking me for directions...because I know the area so well I am NOT a nice cartographer for the curious...I send then back out M-32 for 15 miles informing the ignorant to then take a right on US-131...follow that to the small town of Mancelona...Mance - tucky to the locals...which is about another 15 miles down that road...I then tell them to look for M-66 where they will hang a right...they follow this until they come to an intersection with a BP gas station on the right...approximately 18 miles from the turn in Mancelona...I do this for one specific reason...ancient and modern technology...maps have been around for YEARS...they are very cost effective solutions for those STUPID enough to get lost...the gas station you STOPPED into to ask for directions...has an ASSLOAD of them for sale...they are pennies on the dollar compared to the 48 mile road trip I just sent you on...smart phones and GPS DEVICES although more modern...serve the same purpose...I've actually had people stop and ask me for directions in towns I do NOT live in...and am I shy about providing them...HELL NO...I figure F**K it...what are the chances I am EVER gonna see that person again...especially on the long route of directional deception I plan on sending them on...besides most of my days are boring...I enjoy the opportunity to interact with idiots...it's one of my favorite past times...the mindf**king of the minions...that is the REAL reason MEN do NOT STOP to ask for directions...we know we are more than likely gonna get sent on a wild goose chase...and while the cacophony coming from the seat beside us would die down considerably if we would just unbuckle our belts and let her wear the pants for a minute...the advanced BUSH-isms the bombshell beauty will come up with in the future when they discover that we are NOT getting any closer to where we want to be...are enough to make avoiding the issue of STOPPING a little easier to digest...for the most part I have evolved in the driving without directions department...especially when a naggravator is present...I've trained myself to treat these situations as if I were on an automated phone answering service...I just neglect to push #1 for Engrish...and pretend they are speaking a foreign language...if I really wanna have some fun with it I put a little red dot on their foreheads and offer them a position at the Calcutta Call Center of Amurca...as old Dumbya was so fond of murdering the name of our country...and I hafta thank my brother for tuning me into my new favorite show...as most of you know by now I have a passion for purveying pitiful programs on the peep box...Duck Dynasty is full of relatives of the BUSH clan...if there were a bigger buncha backwards ass sister sleepers on the planet IDK where you would find them...these people are so REDneck...native tribal Indians are offended by the color correlation...this is by far the FUNNIEST reality show on the circuit right now...these guys make mental patients appear to be mind melding magi...you have gotta watch this show at least once and listen to one of Uncle Si's stories...this is a man who when tasked with attending the school for "career" day...found himself in front of a library room full of 7-8 year old kids...the first words outta Si's mouth were..."Any of you young 'uns ever heard the term 'nam?" he then proceeded to regale these poor tortured souls with stories of killing Charlie and hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of Vietnam...apparently missing the meaning of the term "career" as it was intended to be applied in this situation...he is what they call a redneckeleptic... that man will find some of the most uncomfortable places in the shop to plop down and take a nap...he sleeps on the clock with impunity...but I guess that is a luxury you can afford when you have made millions of dollars making duck calls...anyway folks...I'm outta here for now...enjoy your weekend!!!
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