THE MECHANICS OF MAN!!!

Men can read smaller print then women; women can hear better...

Imma hafta call bullshit on that one...and expose some well hidden secrets kept by the conscious of men in general...while it may be true that some people of the male persuasion can read smaller print...this advantage has NO place in modern society...each and every device we use in this modern technology cess pool in which we live has the ability to MAGNIFY print of any font size to make it easier to read by those without the ability to see things that small...it is NOT a gender based hereditary condition that promotes and supports either of these theories...women can read small print just as well as a man can...they choose NOT to because things that tiny are generally considered unsatisfying and unfulfilling...thereby dispelling the myth that SIZE doesn't matter...on the flip side of that coin is MAN'S ability to hear...WE hear just fine...WE choose NOT to listen to the incessant... NEVERENDING ramblings offered by the fairer sex...NOT because we are uninterested in what you hafta say...WE just prefer the condensed version...give us the Cliff Notes for the conversation and we will be fine...NONE of us need a family history about the person that pissed you off at work today...all we need to know is that you are upset about an event WE didn't cause...unless your ire is directed at us...we couldn't care less...you can come home and mention that you and Mary had a minor disagreement or a full blown argument...and that you are in a bad mood because of it...our reply will be...SORRY...SHIT HAPPENS...you can also come home and go into a long monotonous diatribe about the particulars of the heated debate...describe in vivid detail what Mary was wearing...embellish the conversation to relate your side of the story...paint mental pictures of the events...complete with who pulled who's hair first...who spit in the other one's eye...how management got involved and issued reprimands to both of you...how much you hate working with such an absolute imbecile...branch off on all the other daily duties you need to tackle before you can relax and unwind...holler...scream and spit until your heart's content...and our reply will be...SORRY...SHIT HAPPENS...ya think I'm kiddin'...I'm NOT...pay attention the next time you are in public...especially where men and women that are familiar with one another are present...here is what you will notice...Bill and Bob will greet each other with a firm handshake...maybe a slap on the back of the bro hug variety...Bill will open with...'Hey Bob...how's it hangin'?'...Bob Will reply...'A little low and off to the left'...Bill will then laugh and possibly spray beer from his nose...they will then both stand in close proximity and OBSERVE their surroundings...without so much as another word being said...Bob and Bill have been best friends since they crawled from the crib...in the same situation take a look at Martha and Mary...they will greet each other simultaneously...each trying to out speak the other...they will chatter back and forth in great detail about how Bob and Bill are doing on the job...they will recite all of the things their children have done or said since the last time they got together...they will discuss make-up...hair care and feminine hygiene products...they will share recipes...talk about the future and getting the families together...blah blah blah...Bob and Bill will enjoy their time and appreciate the fact that they are still friends after so many years...Martha and Mary are comparing notes to see who is living a better lifestyle...once the couples separate...Bob and Bill will drive their respective wives home...the entire time tuning out all the crap they discussed with the other...they do this silently...with nods conducted at the appropriate times in the conversation...offering little more that a "Yep"...or a "Nope"...depending on the circumstances...this is the FOUNDATION on which all opposite gender relationships are built on...ask any old timer how they stayed married to the same woman for so many years...and you will get the reply..."I NEVER heard a word she said"...ask the same question of old blue haired Betty and the reply you get will be..."Oh he is such a gentleman...he always takes time out of his day to listen to what I hafta say...he shares of himself freely...anything I want he provides me with...I couldn't have asked for a better partner to walk through life with...we met back in the summer of 1915...I remember it like it was yesterday...he was wearing a....blah blah blah"...five and a half hours later you find yourself wondering why on Earth you didn't take heed to the advice her husband gave you...NEVER hear a thing she says...it is the one formula for wedded bliss and longevity...hell I'd be willing to bet that over 50% of men that have been married to the same woman for more than two decades...will answer the question about how they stayed married to the same person for so long with the phrase..."Because I didn't die sooner"...NOT that they wanted to pass prematurely...it is a testament to their survival skills...that phrase can be easily translated to mean..."That bitch couldn't kill me NO matter how hard she tried!"  There ya have it folks...the secret to success exposed...ya wanna make you hubby happy...shorten the speeches and stay out of the way on Sunday during football season...I would suggest writing down what you hafta say in a note...but most of us do NOT have the desire to read through a million page manual to figure out what is stuck in your craw...regardless of how small the print is!!!