11/29/11

In the marriage ceremony of the ancient Inca's the couple was officially wed when they took off their sandals and handed them to each other...

thereby giving the other individual a last opportunity to run for their life and maintain their sanity...trading sandals...how retarded...I mean who in the hell wants a pair of sandals that aren't gonna fit...probably smell like ten years of wading thru llama dung...and carry the dreaded Inca Itch...a flesh rotting foot disease with no visible cure for the next century or so...what happened if the sandal straps broke...did that constitute divorce...seperation...what did they trade off if all they were interested in was a little friends with benefits situation...toenail clippings???  Probably piss off the Misses if ya came home from the bar wearing the wrong sandals wouldn't it...ancient civilizations had it made...no tuxedo rental...bridal gown purchase...your entire financial responsibility boiled down to a nice pair of pyramid climbers you could otherwise do without...simply brilliant...and in the event things don't pan out...what are ya losing out on...your old pair of kicks...which you probably paid for with a bushel of corn...or maybe a few colored rocks...can you imagine if things were still that simple in this day and age...me neither...ever looked inside a woman's closet...nothin but shoes...sandals and boots...scare the hell out of any prospective suitor I can tell ya that...for men it would more than likely still work...we really don't care that much about shoes...well most of us don't...as long as we're not making a living as an interior decorator...but women...try keepin a pair of her old shoes when the marriage is over...not gonna happen...doesn't matter that her feet haven't been inside those moccassin boots since the late 80's when they were in style...she will have more excuses for keepin those damn things than takin all your money in an alimony suit...maybe that's where the saying came from..."She took everything but the clothes on his back"...personally I doubt Incan men were ever very successful at courting...getting a woman to part with a pair of shoes...even K-Mart blue light specials would be almost as impossible as...say...inventing a calendar that predicted the end of time with absolute accuracy...marriage these days is far more complicated...you hafta enter into the agreement knowing ahead of time that the stats are stacked against you...that at least half if not more of what you've worked so hard to obtain will be sacrificed if things go south...the possibility of losing half your paycheck in child support every week...legal fees...court dates where people who haven't a clue as to who you are or what type of person you have become get to tell you what to do with your belongings and your money...who in their right mind wouldn't wanna keep their sandals to themselves and let the barefooted multitude of minions continue their trek thru life with scabs on their feet before considering taking that leap...sure make singles night at the bar a little more revealing...  barefoot...corns...ingrown toenails...'Oh she's a keeper'...missin a few toes...gotta foot fungus that looks like barnacles on a shipwreck...unclipped tree gouging toenails...'Momma's got a hot date tonight'...manicured...  painted and polished toenails with diamond accents...smoothly shaved legs...and an ankle bracelet...'Toss that celestial virgin into the fire'...a sacrifice to the sandal gods...pigeon toed...got a shiny set of Gump Gadgets tryin to correct the problem...a club foot...and a cane...'Sugar Daddy'...he's obviously been around the block a time or two and survived to fight another day...here's an idea...ever heard the phrase 'Walk a mile in my shoes'...do it before ya get married...that way if you change your mind you've got a mile head start and a new pair of Nike's!!!   LOL!!!