12/29/11

In New Mexico, over 11,000 people have visited a tortilla chip that appeared to have the face of Jesus burned into it...

C'mon...this is to easy...I shouldn't hafta begin to tell ya just how ridiculous 11,000 people have been...these dipshits are obviously living proof that my theory yesterday holds some water...they hafta be direct descendants of the Aztec/Missouri migrants...of the one-shoe...sister-sharing variety...seriously I hope NONE of you shelled out hard earned money to go visit a tortilla chip with an image of Jesus burned into it...how absolutely brilliantly stupid do you hafta be...tortilla chips...in layman's terms...are nothing more than soft taco shells...cut into little triangles...and fried in oil...then dried...I could teach an inbred...two-headed...siamese toad how to make a tortilla chip with an image burned into it...cpwboys did it to cattle back in the day to signify ownership of dumb beef-bearing animals...I'm pretty sure I could brand tortilla chips...soft taco shells...burrito shells...all Mexican things made with flour...with any image I wanted...hell I dropped a deuce once that resembled a giant Hershey's Kiss...didn't see me advertising it to the general public didja???  NO...and ya know why???  Because I hardly enjoy entertaining the kinds of..."Well, I'll be dipped and shit and hung out to dry at a fly farm"...Milk-Dud munchin'...midget-minded morons that would be sure to occupy my every waking moment with requests to document the aforementioned Mudd-Butt Mountain of chocolate I deposited last Tuesday while contemplating the possibility I had just seen the image of Santa Claus in the glob of butter melting on top of my shortstack of pancakes at breakfast...buncha damn peanut-filled...pinata heads...the half-genius shyster who came up with this holistic of all tortilla chips missed a golden opportunity to increase his capital net worth...he shoulda went a step further...dipped it in salsa and expanded the claim by also noting that it appeared to cry rivers of medium hot blood...I can't believe 11,000 people are so ignorantly educated they would even explore the idea of undertaking an adventure that amounts to a tortilla touching tourist trap...this tidbit makes me beg the question....WHERE do these people come from...and WHY can't we do a better job of keeping them locked up...I need to get into advertising and marketing while the fire is hot..."Face of Jesus Fajita Wraps"..."Body of Christ Burrito Shells"..."Virgin Mary Salsa Verde"..."Trinity Tortilla Chips"..."Holy Ghost Guacamole"..."Moses' Manna and Red Sea Refried Beans"..."Christ on a Cross Chili Con Carne"...and "Sabbatical Soft Tacos sprinkled with Apostlistic Asiago"...I'd have at least 11,000 weekly shoppers...idiots from all four corners will flock to my big box grocery outlets..."Mary Magdalene's Market featuring St. Peter's Produce"...I'd bang my head against the wall but it'd still take me forever to lower myself to the level of these..."I seen Jesus at the drugstore"...derelicts...this is a perfect example of why scientific study...with regard to human...genetic engineering should be greeted with extreme caution...the last thing we need to do is compound the problem by cloning the corn-fed...cross-eyed...cum-droppings of the Southeastern Colonies...the Molokai of the Mainland...ya know...if ya stare at anything long enough...you're bound to see things the rest of us think are absolutely ludicrous...just this past summer I was out fishing on my favorite hidden lake...the weather was beautiful...sunny...about 78 degrees...clear blue sky...when all the sudden...outta nowhere a single giant cumulus cloud floated over head...in the shape of an oval...and I couldn't help but notice how much it resembled a perfect...almost pristine...Polar Bear egg...had I only had the foresight to whip out my smartphone...drop my fishing pole...and digitally record it's passing as it morphed into a White Corn Tortilla Chip Touting the likeness of Doubting Thomas from Tortega!!!  LMAO!!!