01/09/12

An office desk has 400 times the bacteria of a toilet...

Kinda makes ya wanna order Chinese take-out and eat while ya work don't it...make ya think twice next time you see you're pet drink from the toilet...might wanna grab your ivory handled hog's hair toothbrush...scrub off the ugly...then gargle right from the shitter!!!  I'm surprised NOBODY sees the millions of dollars available here...OMG I just had an epiphany...this is my ticket to soar above the 99% and join the elitist cabal of 1%'ers...fortunes will be mine...WOW this is awesome...it's so evident it should smack most of ya right in the kisser...ASS GASKETS for the OFFICE DESK...every OCD germaphobe on the planet is gonna want these...made from the same trasparent paperish substance the use for those OH SO EASY TO USE PUBLIC RESTROOM POOP PROTECTORS!!!  There are a couple of differences between office desks and public potty's...Office desks quite normally are only utilized by one specific individual...public toilets...I'm sure you'd rather NOT know who all...in the history of public defecation practices...has adorned that throne before you...office desks therefore enlighten us to an all telling fact...YOU people sitting BEHIND them...gnawing on your overgrown toenails I've no doubt...embody far worse hygiene practices than your Common Commode Crapping Counterparts...which means you can now save yourselves a ton of money on your monthly water bill...either skip bathing altogether...apparently you're doing it wrong anyway...or remodel your bathroom...tear out the shower and put in a 4 man turd catcher commode...and bathe right in the toilet...lather...rinse...flush and repeat if necessary...another thing of note...the ASS GASKETS currently in existence are basically useless...the germs they aim to protect you from...generally aren't on the toilet seat itself...they're on the porcelain rim beneathe it...or in the crapper itself depending on the prior occupants aftercrap toilet brush techniques...while some will take the additional 2 seconds to erase the evidence of their edible escapations...while most evacuate the evidence chamber of watered down waste leaving behind the twisted two track of turdology...a distinct...pre-determined...diagram depicting the directional descent of doo- doo droppings...they can often be witnessed simply by watching the washroom at your local Wal-Mart...they tend to tread from the toilet area with asswipe wafers stuck to their shoes...half an ass gasket hanging from the back side of their waistbands...replacing the spot where a shirt would otherwise be tucked in...with the opaque ovalesque offerings they were just sitting on in attempt to distance themselves from the dreaded dung germs of generations before them...they shoulda called those things HOLEY CRAP CONTAINMENT COVERS!!!  Now I've gone and done it...somebody somewhere won't realize there's a difference between HOLEY...and HOLY...the next thing ya know I'll be posting a blog insert about 11,000 Tortilla Chip Aficiando's who have NOT only traveled far and wide to see the likeness of Jesus on a triangle...but will undoubtedly motivate millions to join their sacrimental scavenger hunt of Wal-Marts the world over...searching for the next Shroud of Tur'd'in...what a Mecca-like Moving Moment that should turn out to be...so what are we to do about protecting ourselves from germs...NOT a damn thing...germs (bacteria) are...for the most part symbionically associated with our planet and every other life form on it...they serve a purpose...or a poop-ose if you will...some are harmful granted...but unless you wanna roll around like the Boy in the Bubble...chances are the water you shower with has bacteria in it...unless you're so ate the hell up with hygiene you bathe in Naturally Purified Spring Water...in which case you're an absolute idiot...becasue as you should know by now Sprin Water doesn't PURIFY itself...so there's NOTHING NATURAL about it...other than it was here before us...ever notice how animals...well dogs and cats anyway...greet one another by sniffing the shit spitter of the other...maybe it's because they know in so doing they can determine the colon cleaning habits of their comrades...which according to current convoluted facts about crappers and office furniture...gives them a pretty good idea if this particular pet is gonna propagate a plethora of poop-related problems revolving around bad bacteria removing programs or if in fact they possess the components of OCD associated with hacking up hairballs once the personal grooming efforts have all been exhausted...regardless of the inside info animals may inherantly attain...as it applies to current events...I am by NO means suggesting that any of you take it upon yourselves to take a nostril full of your associates anal cavities in hopes of garnering any type of germ removal processes they may incorporate while in a public setting...I will however take a moment to enlighten some of you...if by now you're still tasking your teeth with toenail removal...or brushing with an ivory handled hog's hair tooth scrubber invented by the slant-eyed sages of modern day China...an ASS GASKET isn't gonna help you one intestinal iota...on the Throne of Turdom...let alone your desk...you need help in a way only a  Hairy Ass Crack Hypnotist named Houdini could provide...release yourself from the mortal coil...you may as well crap on your desk and clean yourself with one of your clappers...and for those of you who find themselves among the underprivileged people of the planet...who've NEVER had the opportunity to evacuate yourselves in one of those Grandest of Germ Junctions...those Cathedrals of Crapping in a Closet...the Shortbox of Shit...you probably refer to them by their publically accepted misnomers...Port-a-Potty's...I beg you...inhabit one of these..."Is that Chili Con Carne" Cubbyholes...I guarantee you'll strip naked...slather your body in Super Glue...and roll around on your Office Desk without so much as an afterthought about the amount of unwanted germs and bacteria you're subjecting yourself too...hell you may even decide to bathe yourselves in Butt Mudd Beauty Products!!!