02/08/12

Fable writer Aesop married & divorced at least 50 women including his daughter, his sister, and his own mother...

I don't know in what order he married these women...however if he wed his mother first and had a daughter...wouldn't she also be his sister...who knew the birthplace of polygamy was the Pantheon...I had NO idea the Greeks invented Mormonism...Platter Day Saints...(Plato's Prophets)...or perhaps it was the Mesopotamians who migrated to Missouri and began America's own Interstate to Incest...those crazy Greecians anyway...odd what was considered acceptable in the ancient days of Aesop's Adventures...it's NO wonder the guy is credited with so many moral containg fables...I'd think being around that many women in one lifetime would provide a guy with more than enough material to carry on a monologue for a few millenia...I can't possibly imagine what the moral to this multitude of marriages was back in the day...but I know what it would be if it occured in the here and now...Masturbate...it's cheaper than all that alimony and child support...I'd explain it to ya but I'm all out of puppets and crayons...(I actually stole that from a friends facebook post...had to use it)...Do you have any idea how much money that would cost on a monthly basis???  50 seperate alimony payments...not too mention child support...good lord...I'm surprised he didn't have a medical condition named after him...Aesop's Elbow...similar to Tennis Elbow...resulting from signing all those support checks...and scribbling down tall tales in your spare time to sell off and help with the financial woes of womanizing...I mean I suppose I could wrap my head around it if it were 50 unrelated women...but your mother...daughter...and sister...what the hell were you thinking...I'm NO different than the next man when it comes to evaluating the possibility of a sexual escapade with a member of the fairer sex...but come on...NOT even if that thing was plated in platinum...studded with diamonds...and capable of singing me to sleep when the effort had been exhausted would I ever consider sharing a bed with a female member of my immediate family...I don't care if she was some sort of morphed mega model the best of both Megan Fox and Jessica Alba...we ain't seein each other nekkid...NOT even if you offered me my own redneck series on one of my favorite stations...Cockfishin for Crocodiles Sunday mornin on Animal Planet...ain't happenin...love them all dearly...and from a distance...of at least 2 layers of external coverings...preferably Turtleneck MuuMuu Sweaters...and a double down-stuffed XXL Super Size snowmobile suit...50 women...that's alotta afternoons aspirating the after effects of your adventures with early morning alcohol/aspirin concoctions...married and divorced 50 different times...sounds like Ol' One Eyed Pericles the Peloponnese Pocket Puppet wasn't happy pokin around in just one playhouse...coulda made a small fortune as a poster boy for prophylactics just down the road in Troy...course the horse...as well as the condom company...probably didn't arrive on scene til much later...what I wanna know is...how does your name...Aesop...become synonymous with moral revealing fables...it sounds to me like you couldn't locate a moral if it crawled so far up your ass you coughed on it...kinda funny isn't it...how damn near every significant historically identifiable individual is somehow associated with the exact opposite for which they are known...this is why most historically documented 'facts' are erroneous...History...is NOTHING more than His-Story...it is passed on from generation to generation...things are 'forgotten'...memories misplaced...endeavors of enlightenment are embellished...atrocities downplayed...His-Story changes everytime a new reader opens it pages...I find it hard to believe he married and divorced that many women...let's say Aesop got married...for the first time at the age of 20...if he spent a year or less with each reported wife...he would have been 70 at the ceremony for his last wedding...what would be the purpose of punishing yourself further...it's NOT like there's a whole lotta...ass on tap...for the Almost Octogenarian Age...even if there was...whaddaya gonna use...a coupla popscicle sticks and tape to prop that old playhouse puppet up with...because I'm pretty sure that at 70 that soldier isn't gonna stand at attentiona and salute anymore...not without the aid of Viagra...which isn't gonna be available for a few thousand years yet...I'd have no problem believing he slept with 50 women...it was ancient Greece...communal bathhouses...Toga's...and wine...wine everyone...have some wine...take off your towels...Toga's...I meant toga's...hot tubs down the hall to the right...orgies on the left...grapes...wine...and mediterranean marbled manna for everyone...hell 50 women a year was probably an obtainable number...but to marry and divorce 50 women...1 at a time...NOT even a judge likes to be in court that damn much...it wouldn't make sense...think about it ladies...if you were #25 on some guys laundry list of love...are you naive enough to believe...'Oh, he's a changed man...he told me I'm the one'...only if you've been bleaching your hair with peroxide since puberty you parrothead...chances are the minute you hear Ol' Aesop rattle off 24 reasons his past marriages failed you're not even gonna ask for a horse and buggy...you'll be elbow to asshole hightailing it out of there...NOBODIES self esteem could reach levels so low that after # 49 gets kicked to the curb they're thinkin...'ME...OH ME...RIGHT HERE...AESOP...AESOP...PICK ME...I'M THE ONE WHO CAN FINALLY MAKE YOU HAPPY'...Puh-lease...altho I don't encourage acts of incest...I am quite honestly ecstatic about the evidence that presents itself from the information pertaining to Aesops appetites with his mother...daughter...and sister...Hillbillyin' didn't start in the foothills of the Appalachians...it can apparently be traced all the way back to Archidamians like Aesop...damn story tellin' sister f**ker had us all fooled there for a minute...and what's the moral to this story class...it's one that has stood the test of time...You Can't Judge a Book by It's Cover...and covers as I'm sure you all know by now...provide do 2 things...they dress up the dull and mundane...and make you feel warm and cozy...they seldom have anything to do with the underling plot...Caveat Emptor!!!