02/15/12

Dublin is the home to the Fairy Investigation Society...

This is much like yesterday's tidbit...No real surprise there...considering it's also home to Alcoholics Synonymous...a group so inebriated they could give a shit less what you sober people think...to them a 12 step program just means there's a bar upstairs too...they drink beer for breakfast...from BIRTH...at least those who are bottle fed...those who are breast fed get a shot of Momma McGuillicutty's Mammory Gland Moonshine...so it's NO damn wonder they have a society dedicated to investigating fairies...they believe in little green garbed leprechaun's too...these people are the only known inhabitants of our planet who are born intoxicated at a molecular level...when it comes to understanding inebriation and it's effects on the body, mind, and soul...you couldn't ask for a better subject to study...this little Fairy Finding Forum probably meets at a different local pub on all days ending in 'y'...probably have their own version of Sasquatch...Half-pint Hairy...only comes out when he's high on hooch...which means he should be a helluvalot easier to find than the imaginary ones being stalked around the forests of America...I hafta admit I'm more than a bit curious which side sponsors this Society...the Catholics or the Protestants...I mean is a Fairy Investigation similar to an Exorcism Investigation...what's the proper protocol for reporting a Fairy Sighting to the Investigating Society...is there an 800 number...who ya gonna call...Fairy Dusters...3 guys show up in a carriage that looks like it could collapse back into a pumpkin at any moment...dressed in tights...wearing wings...and tiara's...(whoops...my bad wrong kind of fairy)...but seriously whaddaya get...3 drunk guys stumble thru your front door...raid the refrigerator...plop down on the couch...watch a wee bit o' the tele...just before they pass out with half a pint of pilsner pouring down their pants... did you know that the average Irish individual excretes enough ethanol by age eleven to be considered at high risk for spontaneous combustion if contained in climates above 80 degrees F...I don't wanna stereotype an entire nation with the stigma of being a band of butt drunk boozehounds but when you're bellyin' up to the bar for one final round before attending Sunday Service with the bland ass biscuit baking bunch...you're toein' the fine line of having a drinkin' problem...ya know what they DON'T see alot of in Dublin...or all of Ireland for that matter...UFO's...and for very good reason...drunk people love to debate...drunk Irish people love to debate flying things...like Fairies and other airborne objects...so it's seldom they don't settle on a satisfactory answer for what they think they saw...kinda confusing isn't it...sorta like all those famous Irish Drinking songs that NOBODY really knows the words too...you know the ones...where they mumble thru the lyrics like they have a mouthful of marbles...'til they get to the chorus...then everybody's an audience and they scream at the top of their lungs..."Oh Danny Boy!'...you could change every word but the chorus and NONE would be the wiser...that's what decades of overindulgence leads to...Chronic Mush Melon Syndrome...times...dates...places...and faces all become a blur...think I'm joking...try sitting across the table from a feeble little old lady who hase been high-ballin' it since just before dawn...just the 2 of you...there isn't another soul within 500 yards...while she calls you by every name except yours...so piss drunk she starts to smell like 3 day old sauerkraut and sausage...which by the way is apparently a highly sought after aphrodisiac in most parts of Ireland...makes ya wonder what's in the water they brew their beer with...don't it???  These are the same group of people who describe haggis as a delicacy...if you can stomach grinding up sheep's liver...heart and lungs and then cramming that into the 'natural casing'...(who do they think they're fooling with this little misnomer...it's a poop chute...a tubular turd tunnel...it's NOT some recently discovered flavorful membrane they just began using)...cooking it over an open flame and then sitting down to a nice big supper of...'I think I'd rather eat sheep shit'...I wouldn't worry much about a few fairy sightings from time to time...you have way too much on your plate as it is!!!