02/17/12

In Massachusetts it is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder...

Good for them...it's supposed to be white...thick...and creamy...NOT...red...runny...and revolting...it's those famous mariners from Manhattan that think the shit's supposed to be red...it's really NOT that hard to understand...tomatoes weren't meant to be eaten...they're still in the larval stage...just look at all that junk in there...you let that thing sit around in a cocoon long enough it'll morph into a something pretty with wings...I've had an on again off again relationship with maters...didn't start actually eating them until a few years ago...and only in certain forms...diced tomatoes...with all that seedy, snotty shit scraped out...tomato sauce when it's used on pizza...or over spaghetti...and that's about it...maybe some shrimp cocktail sauce on occassion...but you can keep that other shit the hell away from me...stewed tomatoes and I will NEVER share a supper setting again...that shit ain't right...besides...who wants a big steaming hot bowl of reddish colored chowder that smells like fish...I AIN"T TOUCHIN' IT...I don't care what kinda cancer it might cure...or how much money you're offering me...I have one steadfast...non-retractable rule when it comes to relaxing with my repast...it CANNOT be red...runny...and offensive to the smell of dead fish...I'll put a hurtin' on a bowl of chili...or tomato soup when I have one of those...'trip down memory lane...just like Momma used to make'...moments...but it doesn't smell like dirty socks...3 day old underwear...and last Friday's leftovers from the Philippino Fish Market over on 4th...I very seldom ever need the knowledge of an edibles ingredients prior to partaking of them for nourishment...sight and smell tend to do the necessary assesment for me...and if I still have doubts...I wait til Momma is dead asleep...in full earthquake causing snore...and I slide a plate of whatever's perplexing me...just beneath her nose...if she coughs herself conscious...probably not something I'm gonna enjoy eating...however if she simply snorts...swallows...and rolls over back to sleep smackin her lips...I know it's gonna be temptuosly tasty...seriously...got my first taste of kimchee that way...we were livin in Hawai'i...Momma fell asleep on the patio outside the Hale Koa Hotel...sunk a cruise ship full of Koreans just off the coast of Kauai with one of her sonarous snores...all that was left was seaweed and fermented cabbage...can't say the same for clam chowder...had to dive into that one on my own...and it's a damn good thing it was the New England version...because I probably NEVER woulda tried anything else that dealt with shellfish had it been the crappy clam chowder kind...the debate over the color of clam chowder is as old as the game of baseball itself...(baseball you say...hmmm...do tell...what does the color of a person's preference for clam chowder hafta do with baseball)...NOTTA damn thing...neither do tomatoes...but you started it...seriously tho...I probably have the least amount of room to bitch about a person's dietary dysfunctions...I've put stuff together that would make most people cringe...being a Blue Cheese Champion connossieur myself...I add it to all kinds of things...Chili...(don't roll your eyes...Kevin's Cajun Blue Cheese Chili is the bomb!)...I've added it to my Dirty Rice Recipe...tossed it into taco's...my next adventure involves mashed potatoes...buffalo wing sauce and blue cheese crumbles...laugh all you want...at least I won't need the fish smell filtering gas mask on to chew my food...look...here's the basic rule of thumb when considering wheter or not to consume a cleverly disguised concoction...does it offend the 4 out 5 senses required to keep an open mind while engaging the mastication process...in other words...does it LOOK...SMELL...TASTE...or FEEL like it has the proprietary possibility to gag more maggots than hot garbage???  Don't try it then...whaddaya tryin to prove...who can launch their lunch longer distances than Linda Blair???  Far be it from me to forbid you the freedom of figuring out your favorite food groups...NOBODY has ever been made famous did so making Manhattan Clam Chowder...but Emeril did make a Blue Cheese Ice Cream...so BAM...(what now bitches!)...LOL...ENJOY your weekend!