03/06/12

During the time of Peter the Great, any Russian man who wore a beard was required to pay a special tax...

That's odd...I wasn't around during Peter the Great's time...but as far back as I can remember in Russian History...which isn't far...because believe it or not...I think the only thing that saved that country during WWII was...(Ooooh ME...PICK ME...I KNOW THIS ONE)...The USA...and the enormous population they have...which kept them in it long enough for us to draw Hitler's attention away from building strip malls in Siberia...so I hafta admit...I really haven't given a shit about studying Russia's History...I will however say that from what I've seen of them...in those stellar black and white photos in the National Geographic archives...were I Russian...at anytime in it's history...and a lawmaker...I'd be more apt to consider strongly recommending a tax on the women who wore beards...mustaches...unibrows...I mean do you remember Nikita Kruschev...that old lady was as ugly as they come...and she ran the country disguised as a man for how long???  I'm guessin' men with beards during Peter the Greats time...were just trying to fit in with the rest of the population...I mean it would be rather embarassing to be seen walking down the road with your 12 year old bearded daughter... while you're clean shaven and lookin' the fairer of the two...she'll make some beet farmer a nice wife someday...talk about huntin' for Bigfoot in all the wrong places...those idiots on Finding Bigfoot need to make a trip over to this hidden little continent and start DNA testing some of these missing links... good lord...they must bathe like cats...sit around pickin' stuff outta each others fur like a buncha bug infested primates...I mean seriously...how hard can it be...okay...I know...they are still recovering from the effects of hundreds of years under Communist control...but even back then...share a razor...scrub a piece of sandpaper smooth...pluck it with your teeth...do somethin'...ya can't let them run around like that...it's bad for tourism...NOBODY wants to visit a place where the only thing seperating the men from the women is a skirt...because believe me...that ain't attractive neither...you can't paint a purrty picture of hairy female legs...NOT even on a horse...ya know...the Spartans had a cliff they threw their impure infants off of...and an enormous Black Hole surrounded by bricks...that they kicked unwanted or unworthy individuals down...we had Molokai...and now Cuba...where we send individuals we deem unworthy or unwanted by the global society...and we won't even mention who used what in which European countries less than a century ago...and yet the Russians...those brilliant pioneers of pencils in space...let their women run around untaxed and unshaven...I mean the next thing ya know...little Penelope is gonna be starring in a customer service commercial...'Hello...dis is Peggy...how may I 'elp ju?'...bet you'll be one proud papa then...you and the...Mrs...is it???  (Shakes head in acknowledgement)...Good...you and the...eh...eh...Mrs...can go out and celebrate...free Schick Super Squatch Samurai Sharp Seven blade razors for the whole family...a life time of Nair for young Natalie...start using it on her before her 7th birthday and maybe her balls won't drop...whatever you decide...STOP bitching that you're broke if you're gonna keep birthing hairballs...I will say this tho...since the beheading of that bitch...Communism...some sections of the former Soviet Union have embraced sexuality and have charged into the modern era...to say they are without beauty would be untrue...Pamela Anderson is of Russian descent...Mila Kunis...from That '70's Show...also of Russian heritage...so...as you can see...once the 'Iron Curtain' crumpled like the coffee cans it was made from... alot of these women decided come hell or highwater they were going to stand out from the other carpet backed behemoths their ancestry was known for...and they shaved...(according to certain undocumented photographic evidence...it would appear certain individuals from that former Communist Country...consider shaving to be childsplay...and the only hair you'll find on them anywhere is above the eyes...like on top of their heads...the rest is as anatomically barren as a Barbie Doll...or so I've heard)...we need a tax like that here in America...NOT on female facial hair...altho...if you currently have it...don't worry...NOBODY's watching you chew your toenails at lunch either...we need one on stupid people...I don't mean people born with a legitimate learning disability...I mean just plain...fell under the turnip truck which resulted in smarter vegetables falling off of the turnip truck... stoooooo...pid...you know the type...like the ones who decide...right smack dab in the middle of tax season...to UPGRADE their TAX SOFTWARE...(we won't mention any names...but their website is www.irs.gov) ...these people are worse than tyrants like Peter the beard taxing Great...they ought to be included in the phrase...'all enemies foreign and domestic'...I need this organization like i need to suffer an anal wart infected with Elephantitis...what I wouldn't do for a simple beard tax these days...I'd shave down to the skull out of spite...it'd be a helluvalot less hair raising than what we have now!!!